Feb 02 2011

Moto and their edible menu!

Published by at 3:53 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

moto chicago restaurant edible menu, molecular gastronomy

Remember those kids in high school who would randomly wear their clothes backwards one day as some sort of sad protest against prom or something? They were the kind of nerds who didn’t try to disappear into the background but would instead call jocks “homo erectus” right to their face about two seconds prior to being tied up with their own 25 foot Dr. Who scarf and stuffed into a book bag. These are the same people who are now charging you $500 to eat menus and inhale walnut air. The nerds have won.

Sorry, I know this makes me an “old man” who “hates fun” but I find molecular gastronomy to be insufferable and fucking annoying. I honestly think I would rather *GULP* go to dinner at Guy Fieri’s house than have some asshole sell me a frozen raisin that was aged for two weeks in a room with a stereo playing nothing but Belle and Sebastian.

Fuck you and your stupid edible menu. Oh my GOD, I relate to nothing!

Be Sociable, Share!

18 comments so far

18 comments to “Moto and their edible menu!”

  1. saraon 02 Feb 2011 at 7:16 am

    Holly shit I thought you were joking about the “eating air”
    I can get frozen pancakes from eggo and dippin dots from a vending machine at the mall.

    Is that penguin on then menu? That may be interesting
    god knows it would be penguin scrambled eggs though

  2. Diss Contenton 02 Feb 2011 at 10:47 am

    Five hours to eat some Fraken-food?

    Where NASA was involved in the creation of this menu, did he say NASA, the acronym that conjures utter irrelevance? NASA with a food resume that includes ‘Tang’ and’ Space Food Sticks’ and…. ummm… that’s all I guess. I just wish he had mentioned NASA some more so I could drink in the innovation and passive aggressive, ‘I’m smarter than you’ subtext.

    I don’t need to go intergalactic for pancakes; international will do just fine for me. At least I’ll get a waitress at the IHOP wearing one of those blue, halter top aprons and necktie that says “I got your blintzes big daddy, I got them… right here”.

  3. kenon 02 Feb 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I assume you’ve eaten at moto once, Listy? If you have and still hate it, fine but if you’re just dismissing it out of hand, never having been there, then that’s just lazy. I hate sushi because I think it’s pretentious and overhyped but at least had some before I made that opinion publicly known.

    My wife took me there [moto] for my birthday a few years ago and I had my bullsh*t detector on high. Sure, there were one or two items that were two precious by half but overall, it was a cool experience. Not one I’d have every month but I liked it enough to want to go back some day. Their sister restaurant [otom, moto spelled backwards] has similar fare at friendlier prices.

    When you get right down to it, ALL meals break down to: a meat or protein, some veggies and a starch or two. You can get that in a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato and a side of fries; some tuna rolled in rice with avocado; or any number of weird ways they do it at moto. I loves me some cheeseburgers as much as every other red-blooded American but I like to mix it up every so often too.

    I mean we all like our rock and roll, right? Van Halen gets the job done VERY well (before Van Hagar) but RUSH does it with (a LOT) more pretense but it’s still rock, right? Does RUSH need all those crazy frills/fills? No, but it does make for some cool music.

    Just sayin’

  4. Emon 02 Feb 2011 at 3:46 pm

    I have actually had the “pleasure” of trying some molecular gastronomy – I have repressed the memory and don’t speak of the experience.
    How pretentious can people get? Not only will it come on a rectangular plate with less than 5% of it covered in food and something drizzled beside it and a cheese chip sticking out, they are essentially feeding you some kids science fair project and then charging you fifty bucks. If you think asking me to eat the memu will replace the horrific memory of the eating experience you’ve got another thing coming…you should be paying me fifty bucks for the cost of the immodium I’m going to need later!

  5. Ericaon 02 Feb 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Wait, $115.00 for each item? For everything together? And I am paying for ONE chocolate covered raisin? And the risotto is instant? Is it Uncle Bens?

    Sara – if that is penguin on the menu then it is time for us to just start openly eating other humans!

    FORESKIN-human with capers & saffron

  6. Spicypupon 02 Feb 2011 at 8:54 pm

    More molecular madness:

    http://www.syfy.com/marcelsquantumkitchen/

    grrr

  7. You Just Made My List!on 02 Feb 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Spicy – I fucking HATE Marcel. Honestly, one of the biggest douchebags I have ever witnessed.

    Ken – I have not been to Moto but I have been to other fussy molecular gastronomy restaurants and I just hate everything about the concept. It’s just not my thing AT ALL. I’m not against fine dining at all, I love a good fancy, well thought out meal, but places like Moto make me insane.

    See, to me, Van Halen would be a perfect cheeseburger and a beer and Rush would be a 10 course meal with 10 wine pairings. Moto would be one of those new bands that plays “retro” 80s synth music but acts like they somehow invented it.

  8. Elaineon 03 Feb 2011 at 12:27 am

    Is it just me, or is a restaurant telling you to take and then eat the receipt, the same as them asking you to bend over the table, and take something else….

  9. calebon 03 Feb 2011 at 4:44 pm

    i think people who go to these types of restaurants are either pretentious a-holes who want to say they’ve been to all the “hottest” restaurants, or they are people who are genuinely interested in food as art. they aren’t going to eat a filling meal – it’s more like going to a concert. they are getting a performance from the chef, it’s just interesting food instead of music.

    personally i find the idea of an edible menu pretty cool. a frozen, belle and sebastian-infused raisin on the other hand…not so much. (though i do like belle and sebastian.)

  10. Bulletxtheoryon 05 Feb 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Listy, I love you. Let’s eat non creepy regular raisins together. Lol

  11. Jonathanon 08 Feb 2011 at 11:36 am

    I can appreciate elevating food to an art form, but when you use a laser to vaporize orange essence into a wine glass (or whatever Captain Nerdface was doing), you’re just being a pretentious asshole. Fuck this place and its demonic cousins infesting NYC.

  12. Chamaon 11 Feb 2011 at 6:53 pm

    I am just making my presence known. I discovered your blog a couple of weeks ago and since then I have basically read the entire thing while sitting hunched over like an ogre. I keep wanting to comment, but at the time I’m reading I’m usually emitting that creepy silent laughter, the kind that comes with tears. It has been disturbing everyone I live with and by the time my fit is over all I can think of for a comment is lololollll which is pretty articulate, but doesn’t contribute any real ideas.

    So, I just wanted to say hello and I am a fan of how much you hate everything. It’s more inspiring than any Chicken Soup for the Soul book and makes me want to vomit a lot less.

  13. Spicypupon 15 Feb 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Listy — I KNEW you HAD to hate Marcel. He had to be one of the least deserving chefs from Top Chef to get a show (which will be cancelled within the first 3-4 episodes please and only because they shot them and they have some air time to literally kill). I would rather put super glue in my eyes than actually view even 5 minutes of his bs.

  14. Ashleion 16 Feb 2011 at 4:54 pm

    For two people and ordering the 10 course meal including the wine and the gratuity and the tip it will run you about $500 to eat here. It is very inventive and a cool experience, but the food is subpar and isnt worth the 1/2 of grand you spend on it. The service is amazing and the people are very kind and informative. This is what I have gathered from all of the very informative reviews on this place, becuse first I dont stay anywhwere near Chicago and second I am a broke college student that rather not spend her whole freaking tuition on 1 meal…no thank you!

  15. Canaduckon 16 Feb 2011 at 10:34 pm

    Foodies are evil.

  16. Nickon 09 Mar 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Uh, speaking of that douche Guy Fieri, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/03/08/BAHE1I6UQ7.DTL

  17. Abbyon 22 Apr 2011 at 11:29 pm

    I actually think it could be cool to eat at that reseruant just once. It would be intersecting.

  18. corpon 28 Jul 2011 at 1:06 am

    Try our gourmet specialty water “79.99$”

    -straight from the hose outback

    What the hell are those menus made out off?
    unless its just a regular menu soaked in vegetable oil