Mar 07 2011

Hawk Ford talking baby commercials!

Published by at 3:13 am under Sucky TV,Why?!?

hawk ford talking baby commercials

hawk ford talking baby commercials

Well, I posted the photographic evidence and the videos, so my work here is pretty much done. No need to say anything more about this, goodnight.

Fine, I’ll try to get through this without killing myself but I’m just warning all you babies out there, the next baby I see is getting punched in the face. I know it seems harsh but you can blame E-Trade and especially these nightmarish commercials directed by Satan for Hawk Ford. Yeah that’s right, I now hate ALL babies, way to go TV!

I didn’t like it when E-Trade hired magical talking babies to peddle their website, but at least the E-Trade kid doesn’t look like an angry, deformed baby who just dunked its own face into a bucket of acid before running after you with a knife. Jesu Christo, how did this shit get approved?!? How is it possible that somebody at the ad agency didn’t say “Well, obviously we can’t show the client this, what else do you got?” Why not just hire the fucking baby from Eraserhead for your next round of commercials?

Oh, and by the way baby, why don’t you shut your mouth and leave the car-buying decisions to the people actually paying for the God damn car. You get no say in the matter so keep your snarky opinions to yourself until YOU can afford to buy your own car, you creepy Michael-Myers-mask-looking piece of shit!

I think I’m going to be sick.

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44 comments so far

44 comments to “Hawk Ford talking baby commercials!”

  1. Seanon 07 Mar 2011 at 11:23 am

    The weird thing is, I’m not as annoyed at the creepy CGI mouthface but by the fact that they did their best to make the baby sound like a complete tool. They might as well have him wearing a sideways baseball cap and holding a red plastic cup.

    It reminds me of those recent Toyota Highlander commercials with the asshole mopheaded kid. God, fuck that little shithead.

    As Bill Hicks once said, ‘if you’re in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.’

  2. LG Chickon 07 Mar 2011 at 11:40 am

    I can’t believe what Hawk Ford has just “hawked up” in the public’s face. Baby’s weren’t high on my list before this, Listy, but like you, this has pegged the meter for me on the baby creep factor. But the real kicker has to be in the second video, when the announcer says,”You want some chubby?” Man, they really have no idea what they are saying, do they? They must not have run this by any focus groups….

  3. JulieJulieJulieon 07 Mar 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Listy, speaking of babies in stupid/tasteless/ridiculous commercials, I just saw this over the weekend:

    Fortunately, it’s a cartoon but nonetheless it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. A shitting contest? Oh, those Madison Avenue wags are at it again!

  4. LG Chickon 07 Mar 2011 at 2:01 pm

    JJJ – Ugh! There are no words… and if there were words, I couldn’t utter them due to the vomit in my mouth.

  5. Seanon 07 Mar 2011 at 4:34 pm

    JJJ – I saw that commerial once and thought I had taken crazy pills.

  6. Jordonon 07 Mar 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Julie, that commercial will be cited one day as a turning point in our country’s demise. Extreme blowout prevention…. unbelievable

  7. You Just Made My List!on 07 Mar 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Julie – Agreed, I hate that commercial as well.

  8. McFartyon 07 Mar 2011 at 11:49 pm

    to get your mind off of this dumb crap… please tell me you have seen

  9. You Just Made My List!on 08 Mar 2011 at 7:50 am

    McFarty – No, I have not seen it but now I have a new thing to fucking hate. What a douche!!! I guarantee that guy loves Guy Fieri and thinks his lame ass blog is going to turn him into the next Food Network star.

    “Because shock food is the next indie rock?” Wha? Huh? Fuck you.

  10. Lawrenceon 08 Mar 2011 at 10:07 am

    Why do these companies keep using talking babies to sell shit?

    I tell you what. If I owned a gun store, I’d use a talking baby to sell ammunition and Smirnoff.

  11. DudeFoodson 08 Mar 2011 at 11:43 am

    I’m actually not a fan of Guy Fieri (shirts with flames on them and Oakley sunglasses really aren’t my thing) and the “Because shock food is the new indie rock…” tagline is meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

    As far as me having any aspirations to be a Food Network star I’m actually pretty happy with the full-time job I have now.

    Thanks for checking out my blog though!

  12. Lawrenceon 08 Mar 2011 at 12:01 pm

    “I’m pretty happy with…blah, blah, blah.”

    Really? Is that supposed to make anybody give a shit? Is anyone going to say, “Well maybe that guy isn’t a douche after all.”

    No. They won’t. It actually confirms it. Go make food for your dudes, you tart.

  13. DudeFoodson 08 Mar 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Do I think people give a shit? I’d certainly say that they do (yourself included) if they take time to post comments about me.

  14. Lawrenceon 08 Mar 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Posting a comment does not equal giving a shit.

    I know that’s the internet’s common idea of what giving a shit is, but it really isn’t.

    For instance, I don’t give a shit about a the dead squirrel I saw on the way to work. But I did say to myself, “Man, that’s fuckin’ gross.”

    See how that works? Comments do not equal giving a shit. If they did, then you, yourself would give a shit about us.

    Don’t you have some burritos to make before your bros come over? You are such a failure.

  15. LG Chickon 08 Mar 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Lawrence – What a great suggestion. I’m going to call my local guns and ammo store – luv it. And the back and forth between you and the douche this morning gave me a huge belly laugh. Thanks! Now I can go about my day.

  16. DudeFoodson 08 Mar 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Lawrence, there’s a difference between thinking to yourself about a dead squirrel you saw on your way to work and taking time out of your workday to post comments about me and my blog.

    You’re right, I don’t give a shit about you, but what I do give a shit about is getting more people to read my blog and that’s exactly what’s happening from this here back and forth; people are clicking the link and reading my blog.

    Sure, 90% of the people that click the link in this comments section and go to my blog might be smarmy assholes like yourself and never come back, but the rest will, so thanks for that!

  17. Lawrenceon 08 Mar 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I’m not taking time. I’m wasting time. There’s a very important difference between the two.

    Okay, so people are reading your blog because of this back and forth. Again, this is a case of me not giving a shit. My mission is life isn’t to keep people from your adolescent blog, so I don’t mind giving you traffic.

    And for someone who has a site called Dudefood, I think calling someone a smarmy asshole is pretty much saying you’re a pot or a kettle. Which is it?

    Finally, if your bro site needs my verbal shitting on it to attract people, then I may have been joking before, but now you a actually are a failure.

    You’re welcome, slut.

  18. DudeFoodson 08 Mar 2011 at 2:55 pm

    My site doesn’t need your verbal shitting on to attract traffic, but if it brings visitors to DudeFoods I’ll take it. I don’t have any ads up on the site, so I don’t get anything more out of it if 10,000 people read it one day vs. 1,000 people, but of course I’d always like to see more visitors.

    It’s funny to me how you think you know so much about me based on the title of my blog, which in case it isn’t painfully obvious (and apparently in your case it isn’t) is meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

  19. Lawrenceon 08 Mar 2011 at 3:01 pm

    Stop being butt hurt.

  20. kenon 08 Mar 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Lotsa unnecessary hate and vitriol on this post. Dude wants to cultivate a blog called Dude Foods, he’s entitled. If another dude wants to keep a running list of stuff that makes his ‘list’ he too is entitled. Be excellent to each other, dudes.

  21. You Just Made My List!on 08 Mar 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Wow, THAT got out of hand!

    P.S. I didn’t actually read any of the fighting back and forth, I’m too busy being awesome.

  22. Lawrenceon 08 Mar 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Cocaine is a helluva drug.

  23. McFartyon 08 Mar 2011 at 6:51 pm

    HAAA HAAA!!! man o man i really didnt mean for that to happen! listy is my hero blogger guy… sorry dude food

  24. LG Chickon 08 Mar 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Sorry, DudeFood, but probably no one here will be checking out your blog. I can’t speak for everyone, but I only worship at the blog-alter of his awesomeness aka Listy. I don’t have time for any other shit.

  25. DudeFoodson 09 Mar 2011 at 10:09 am

    Actually LG Chick I’ve gotten a decent amount of clicks just from McFarty posting the URL to my blog. Also, as it turns out only about half of the visitors clicking that link are new visitors to my site so that means that *GASP* there are people out there that like both You Just Made My List AND DudeFoods! Crazy huh?

  26. Benon 09 Mar 2011 at 11:22 am

    Reading the comments made my day, now I must still wastes the second half of it.

  27. calebon 09 Mar 2011 at 11:24 am

    hey Listy, i thought you’d get a kick out of this –

  28. LG Chickon 09 Mar 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Woah, Caleb! Too funny, and as one of my friends always says, bumm-fucking-er.
    Ok, DudeFood – I have no problemadmitting that I did click on the link that McFarty provided, ONLY because he thought it was worth a laugh, and he was right. It was worth a laugh. And the back and forth between you and Lawrence has been priceless. I do want to tell you, though, that I do appreciate your attempt to woo me by trying to impress me with your “chick visit” stats. However, Dude, I have really high standards…….

  29. Lawrenceon 09 Mar 2011 at 1:40 pm

    He flexing his web stats! What a ho cake!

  30. LG Chickon 09 Mar 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Lawrence, can I call you Larry? You are the bomb, baby!

  31. McFartyon 09 Mar 2011 at 10:58 pm


  32. Lawrenceon 10 Mar 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Larry? Well, once I gain some weight and grow some back hair, you can call me that.

  33. LG Chickon 10 Mar 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Oh, Lawrence You are so right. You just gave me a vision of Larry the Cable Guy. Please accept my deepest apologies. What was I thinking? It’s just that I’m starting to feel an affinity towards you, but we’ll definitely keep it at Lawrence. I wish you wouldn’t have brought up back hair, though. I just threw up in my mouth. Can you say something funny again, to make the bad taste go away?

  34. Lawrenceon 11 Mar 2011 at 8:07 am

    No worries. It happens often. I just remind people what Larry’s can look like at they see why I don’t respond when they call me that.

    As far as something funny…Today I had a job interview. I wish you could have seen the look on the interviewers face when he asked me if I had any questions and I said, “Do you guys press charges for assault?” Priceless!

    Probably won’t get a call back, but that’s okay. I didn’t want the job. I have a nice one, but sometimes I just like to do interviews and say crazy shit for laughs.

  35. calebon 11 Mar 2011 at 11:29 am

    i always picture Larry David when i hear the name “larry”.

  36. DudeFoodson 11 Mar 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Caleb, that was actually me that stole Guy Fieri’s car. You see, Listy and Lawrence were right, I really do want to be him! Anyone know where I can get a good deal on some Cubavera shirts?

  37. LG Chickon 11 Mar 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Lawrence – we both know our relationship is platonic, right? Girls can be friends with guys. I think that McFarty is trying to imply with his “Vegas baby!” comment that I am trying to hook up with you. McFarty, is that what you are implying? I could be wrong, although I rarely am. I am not 100% right all the time, like Listy. Some people may think that just because I am blonde, I am not always as right as I think I am, but they would be totally wrong – I think!
    Lawrence, I loved the interview story! Did the guy at least laugh? At my last job, I interviewed people all the time, and I would have loved a comeback like that! It shows creativity and spontaneous thought. I would have offered you the job. If someone could make me laugh in an interview, I’d hire them on the spot!

  38. Lawrenceon 12 Mar 2011 at 1:49 pm

    No, that guy didn’t laugh. He said, “Excuse me?” and I said, “Nevermind, I have no more questions.”

    And as far as our platonic relationship, its always platonic until I put in my Sweet Soul of the 70’s CDs.

  39. LG Chickon 12 Mar 2011 at 2:16 pm

    ooooh. You are a sweet talker…

  40. McFartyon 13 Mar 2011 at 11:34 am

    get a room… LISTY COME BACK

  41. LG Chickon 13 Mar 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Oh, c’mon. Lighten up!
    Let Listy have a weekend.

  42. Lawrenceon 14 Mar 2011 at 8:14 am

    Get a room? Why, when I live in a perfectly good one filled with farm equipment and pokemon.

  43. Jasonon 14 Mar 2011 at 8:24 am

    Every day that I go to this website and I see those damn ugly man-babies, I die a little inside. Update!

  44. LG Chickon 14 Mar 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Listy –
    Did you have a good weekend? We’re on pins and needles.