Apr 06 2011

Degree “MotionSense” deodorant!

Published by at 11:00 pm under I Don't Get It

degree women motionsense deodorant

Guess what idiots, deodorant is now so smart it knows when you are moving!

You’d think technology as advanced as this would be used by the military or NASA, but instead it’s used to keep your mom’s armpits dry every time she suddenly darts in any direction. What a world we live in!

Next time you see some random woman walking into Hobby Lobby, take a moment to appreciate the advanced number-crunching that’s taking place under her arms. She calmly walks in the store’s entrance like it’s no big deal, but her deodorant is busy calculating speed and velocity. It is at this moment that her magic armpit computer makes some important decisions: should it spring into action and release its sweat-defeating power, or hold tight and see how this whole scenario is going to play out? The Degree decides to wait and see, like a Navy Seal poking his head out of a swamp in the middle of the night.

Suddenly, without warning, Aunt Carol makes a mad dash for the last clearance sale foam pumpkin… alarms and buzzers start going off under her arms like a fucking WWII submarine! The Degree is like “Holy shit, holy shit, it’s really happening! OK we can do this. We trained for this a thousand times. ACTIVATE! ACTIVATE! ACTIVATE!”

I’m curious about one thing though, what happens when you are driving? Does the Degree get confused and start trying to dry you? Shit, what about on the delivery truck? How does the deodorant know when it’s the real thing? I kind of feel bad for the deodorant now, that’s a lot of pressure for a chunk of paste.

Even the Degree spokeswoman can’t believe the shit coming out of her mouth.
(watch at your own risk, you might get sued!)

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42 comments so far

42 comments to “Degree “MotionSense” deodorant!”

  1. stinky girlon 07 Apr 2011 at 1:30 am

    Oh thank god.. er.. the NASA armpit scientist for this wonderful new improved product. Wow, i soooo didn’t know they could shrink down navy seals and harmlessly encase them in stick formed white goo; Just like some tiny Han Solo’s encased in flowery carbon. This will be a great new career for our soldiers! Just like the former soldiers who now work for Omeris!!! http://youtu.be/pJ9fHwEBjws. Who knew that a deodorant could bring me such double win happiness! Now i can work at my Mc Donald’s job with confidence. I was so embarrassed that people would ask what that nasty stink was when i handed them their bagfuls of grease and cow flesh. I am so happy i now have something which to cover my manly musk with a much better cloying sweet smell like the fresheners in cheap hotels,gas station bathrooms, and “adult” arcades!!! So amazed that every second the friction on my bulging bra spillage will no longer slide on a broth of yellowed slimy wetness because of this amazing technology of motion calculation and thusly the sweet smell of non sweat is reliably released by my new secret atom sized “boyfriends” who now live to reside in my formerly swampy armpit, just to save me from the stink from which i cannot escape.

  2. Tommyon 07 Apr 2011 at 1:39 am

    I’d just like to point out that this probably works by friction between the arm and body. More exactly, when the product rubs up against itself via arm/body friction heat is generated and the heat most likely makes the stuff more efficient at absorbing moisture.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 07 Apr 2011 at 7:50 am

    Tommy – Seriously? I come out of retirement and you are already being a massive ruiner?

  4. Lawrenceon 07 Apr 2011 at 8:12 am

    What the hell happens if you are just sitting and sweating? Do you have to flap your arms or something to keep your pits dry?

    And what about people that are dry, but still smell like dirt fucked by a hobo. We still need to address this issue.

  5. JulieJulieJulieon 07 Apr 2011 at 9:10 am

    “And what about people that are dry, but still smell like dirt fucked by a hobo?” — ah, Lawrence, those are simply people who believe that showering is a non-essential activity–like the Frenchman who stayed at my B&B for five days. And took one shower. Let’s just say his sheets were laundered in hot water after he checked out.

  6. LG Chickon 07 Apr 2011 at 12:20 pm

    JJJ – you actually kept those sheets?!?!? I was thinking of swinging by the B&B, but I can’t take the chance that those swine cloths may come in contact with my smooth perfection. Shivers…
    Actually, I don’t know what is up with other women. I never sweat unless I am working out. I just assumed that other girls don’t sweat, either, until I was trying on clothes at Macy’s once, and this girl was checking herself out in the three-way (mirror, you gutter snipes), and her pits were soaked! Not only that, they were soaked through a top that was as yet not owned by her stinky pits! Gross! It makes me think twice before I try stuff on now, and I have to dry clean everything I buy before I ever wear it.

  7. Paul from Saint Paulon 07 Apr 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Julie, if the Frenchman was hot, you could’ve sold the sheets on craigslist, alongside a photo of him posed at your B & B. In fact, I think this should become your new side business: stinky, sexy, and maybe soiled linens. Those jizm stains could be your new retirement plan.

    Also, the spokeswoman’s giant glasses clearly indicate that she is a serious scientist whose work is considerably more complex than Tommy’s simple friction theory. Stinky Girl knows about motion calculation, and I concur that it’s computers too.

    Side note: Spring is here and I work with adolescents that refuse to shower regularly or wear clean clothes, despite my numerous entreaties, offers of clean clothes/soap and shampoo samples, and gung-ho hygiene pep-talks. Teenagers who have not discovered their own scent are proof of Lawrence’s hobo-hypothesis: You do not have to move vigorously – or even at all – to stink to the skies.

  8. LG Chickon 07 Apr 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Paul –
    Having no children myself, I am way grossed out by this modern day anti shower protest our youth seems to be engaged in. I have a simple solution for you. You need to penalize them in some way. If someone worked for me that had bo, I told them to correct the problem right now, or it will be a strike against them at their next review. I’d start the conversation off saying, “There’s nothing quite so offensive to others as body odor, and you, my friend, have it bad. But this is an easy fix.” Then I’d hand them The Degree – wa la!

  9. Paul from Saint Paulon 07 Apr 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Even in my occasional daydreams of firing children, I have to admit that the recalcitrant stinky ones would not be on the pink slip list; they tend to be more socially awkward but also more kindhearted or generally sweet-natured, if not smelling. However, I figure even a direct BO/hair-washing/clothes-washing talk from me and the nurse would be far gentler than the version that they will soon get from their peers. A deodorant sample is always part of the package.

  10. LG Chickon 07 Apr 2011 at 9:24 pm

    I find that so strange that they don’t want to be impressing the opposite sex by looking as good as they can. Are these stinkys girls or guys?
    Can’t you tell their parents that they are unhygenic? There should be some sort of school policy. I remember a while back you mentioned something about the kids wearing the same t-shirt for days in a row. Ick. I’d tell the parents.

  11. Paul from Saint Paulon 07 Apr 2011 at 10:55 pm

    Sometimes the parents aren’t around or aren’t receptive. In some cases, nobody at home has ever made baths a routine. The kids, both boys and girls (I have to talk to the boys), are mostly confused about the opposite sex, at least most of the hygienically challenged, and some of them have way deeper problems than what seems surfacey – like cleanliness. I have talked to families (carefully: “Your kids stinks and wears filthy clothes day in and day out” is blunt but not helpful), but if the kids are almost thirteen and not getting into clean clothes and washing, it’s more likely to work working with the kid. It’s really not as terrible as it sounds, but when the temperature gets into the 90s, it becomes somewhat urgent, at least for me. But honestly, on my list of challenges, stink doesn’t even make the top five. Maybe #6.

    Perhaps all my troubles will be solved by showing everyone the MotionSense™ commercial.

  12. LG Chickon 07 Apr 2011 at 11:15 pm

    LOL Paul! That last line cracked me up! Seriously, though, WTF? I guess I can’t relate because I am one of those people who can take multiple showers in the day. I hope they are brushing and flossing. At 13, they are unknowingly making decisions that affect their lives, like serious dental issues down the road, etc..
    Ok, enough of that, but good luck with them. Paul, I’ve always thought you to be very level headed, and I can tell you really care about those kids. all I can say is better you than me!!! LOL

  13. Lawrenceon 08 Apr 2011 at 10:46 am

    I don’t understand this not bathing shit. The worst part about being in the Marines was not actually going to combat. It was not being able to shower. That damn near drove me to the edge.

    Or maybe it did. We’ll see what the judge says…

  14. LG Chickon 08 Apr 2011 at 12:30 pm

    How did you stand it, Lawr? Glad I didn’t know you then, stinky boy – LOL ! There’s the morning shower after the gym, then because I’m a girl, I can soak in the tub for 2 hours and think nothing of it. Then of course, it’s good to take a relaxing hot shower before going to bed.
    I’d never make a good Marine in the muddy trenches, but I’m really good at target shooting with my Smith and Wesson automatic…

  15. calebon 08 Apr 2011 at 1:07 pm

    well maybe i’m a freak, but i only shower 2-3 times a week, unless it’s summer time or i’ve been sweating a lot or am dirty for some reason. i did an experiment (wasn’t an experiment really – i was camping) once to see how long it took for me to start stinking like BO – about 5 days.

    thats not to say that i didn’t have a general “unwashed” smell, or “unwashed hair” smell after a day or so, but it took 5 days to develop that distinctive BO smell.

    i also found that once that BO smell developed, i could bathe every day, even multiple times a day – and yet after a few hours i could detect that BO smell in my armpits. i tried several types of deodorant and the only one i found that TOTALLY kills the smell is Gillette clear gel.

    so yeah, thats what i use most of the time.

    sometimes i use Burts Bees outdoor all-natural deodorant when i want to smell like a clean hippie.

  16. LG Chickon 08 Apr 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Jeez, Caleb! I wish I could unread what I just read about you. You should not be coming out on Listy’s blog as a hipster – not good.
    Send me your address, so I can send you some shower gel, and promise me you’ll start showering daily. It’s the only way to reel those girls in that I saw checking you out from afar. They won’t approach unless the coast is clear (of any lingering bo)
    I still love you, but from a safe distance.

  17. calebon 08 Apr 2011 at 2:11 pm

    this is why i need a woman in my life.

  18. LG Chickon 08 Apr 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Move to the SF bay area, and I can hook you up, dude.

  19. Mary Kitt-Neelon 10 Apr 2011 at 5:17 am

    My water heater gave up the ghost Friday night, so I’m about to become a smelly hippie like it or not. My finances won’t let me get an emergency water heater replacement, but luckily I can shower @ friends’ or the local community center’s locker room when necessary.

    Or I could just buy a crap-ton of Degree MotionSense and move around a lot until I get a new water heater.

  20. saraon 11 Apr 2011 at 7:47 am

    isn’t this how my sons scratch and sniff books work?

  21. LG Chickon 11 Apr 2011 at 11:22 am

    Sara, that is effing funny, and probably true!
    I was hoping for a new post from Listy today, but since he must be on a secret mission from the govt or something, I wanted to ask you educated parents, and Paul (our cool teacher) if you know about this. I was at a party last Sat, (rockin’, btw), and there was a guy there who taught 9th grade, and he said the latest craze to get high is to (and I am so not joking about this) soak a tampon in Vodka, and insert it. Both guys and girls doing it, just putting it in different holes. Can you believe this shit?!? This appalls me. Paul, WTF?!? What is going on with our youth? I am blown away by this. Any comments?

  22. saraon 11 Apr 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Holy shit the first time I read that I thought LG said “this appeals to me”

  23. LG Chickon 11 Apr 2011 at 4:58 pm

    sara – good lord, no!!!! I am totally freaked out by this. I mentioned it to a friend I had lunch with today, and she was like “Oh, yea, I’ve heard of that.” Sheeesh. Paul, I’m still interested in your pov on this.
    Lawr and Caleb, a smart remark right about now would not go unappreciated.

  24. JessKon 11 Apr 2011 at 10:14 pm

    How do you get it in if its soaking wet? That’s determination.

  25. JessKon 11 Apr 2011 at 10:14 pm

    (the tampon, that is)

  26. Lawrenceon 12 Apr 2011 at 9:40 am

    I’ve heard of this bizarre tampon thing too. I guess it’s supposed to keep the smell of alcohol out of your breath.

    My question is, would that burn like the Devil’s hair dryer?

    Anyhoo, I have to get back to my Sweating to the 80’s video…

  27. LG Chickon 12 Apr 2011 at 10:15 am

    Oh, God, Lawr! LMFAO! that was good – Devil’s hair dryer?
    You have got it goin’ on this mornin’.
    And Jess, I am also perplexed as to how to get it in once it’s soaked (and blown up!)
    Are we getting too graphic here? I don’t think soooo.

  28. Paul from Saint Paulon 12 Apr 2011 at 10:23 am

    Ugh. Whatever happened to just knocking back shots?

    At least when Stevie Nicks ordered her personal assistant to blow coke up her ass with a straw, it was because the doctor had warned Stevie that her nose was about to collapse because of the extreme cocaine usage resulting from unlimited money combined with the late 1970s. Or so the story goes.

    I am confident that the kids I work with do not do anything remotely close to getting drunk on tampons. In fact, some of the girls have never been explicitly taught about getting their periods and they panic when it happens for the first time at school, so the nurse has to explain how to use a tampon in the traditional sense. I am sure that soaking it in vodka is part of her presentation.

    (FYI: The girls are sometimes getting their periods in third and fourth grade nowadays. That may help explain some lack of preparation.)

    I am now going to say a prayer for the kids before they head off to junior high. I know they’ll be tempted by trouble, but alcohol-soaked tampons was not on my worry list – until now.

    At least the kids aren’t doing hard liquor enemas:


    The tampon must allow for some gradual release of the alcohol, as opposed to the surging strength of an enema. Can you imagine how fast one might experience alcohol poisoning from an Everclear enema, and what kind of a huge mess that must be for the paramedics to walk into?

  29. calebon 12 Apr 2011 at 10:23 am

    i know the Mayans used to give each other alcohol enemas – and i’ve heard urban legends of people using “butt bongs”. its perfectly doable, but INCREDIBLY dangerous, since alcohol is absorbed way faster through the intestinal lining and into the bloodstream than it is through the stomach. so the risk of alcohol poisoning/death is a lot higher.

    one thing though – alcohol is partially excreted through the lungs regardless of how it had come into the body, so you would probably still have at least SOME alcohol on your breath.

  30. calebon 12 Apr 2011 at 10:28 am

    well apparently it’s not an urban legend.

    honestly though, anyone dumb enough to do that DESERVES to be weeded from the gene pool.

    and i’m no prude, mind you. i love the Devil’s breastmilk.

  31. calebon 12 Apr 2011 at 10:32 am

    in other gross/stupid drinking news – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278583/Young-people-drinking-neat-vodka-EYE-quick-buzz.html

  32. LG Chickon 12 Apr 2011 at 10:53 am

    caleb – EEEK! Really?!? Pouring Vodka into your eye? Man, did I open up Pandora’s box here, or what? I agree with you, tho, that these idiots who partake in this base level of “Sheen-anigans” are best weeded from the gene pool.
    I don’t see how you could give yourself an alcohol enema. You would have to have someone put it in there for you. That’s some kind of sharing that most (normal) people won’t do.

  33. Charleneon 13 Apr 2011 at 10:55 am

    Hi. This is my video post. Please remove as this is copyright infringement, as you did not seek permission to use this video post. I may be a blogger, but I am also an attorney. Thank you for your cooperation.

  34. Lawrenceon 13 Apr 2011 at 3:59 pm

    When you posted it on YouTube and didn’t disable the embed feature, it in fact became legal to post elsewhere. Since you are an attorney, I would’ve thought you’d read the Terms of Service on YouTube before making implied threats.

    Item 6 Section C

    “You also hereby grant each user of the Service a non-exclusive license to access your Content through the Service, and to use, reproduce, distribute, display and perform such Content as permitted through the functionality of the Service and under these Terms of Service.”

    I may not be an attorney, but I have stolen from fat children. Thank you for your cooperation.

  35. LG Chickon 13 Apr 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Lawr, dude, you effing rule. I am so not worthy of your expert wittiness. Wait, yes I am. You totally got Listy’s back.

  36. You Just Made My List!on 13 Apr 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Man Charlene, you must be a fucking shitty lawyer.

  37. Marcelon 15 Apr 2011 at 1:02 pm

    First of all…LISTY RULES!

    Second…what a douche this Charlene broad is huh? I left her this comment on her blog. More than anything because I felt sorry for her and wanted to give her a 4th reader to brag about.

    Talk about “incorrect assumptions”…

    You so confidently state, “Another popular misperception: just because there is an embed code for a video in YouTube, doesn’t mean you get to embed the video in your own site, without the creator’s permission.”

    Umm…actually, according to YouTube’s TOS, yes it does! I would think that an attorney would have done a bit more research before erroneously stating an assumed “fact” on such a public forum. And for what? Deodorant?

    No wonder you’re “never at a loss for words”. You don’t let boring details like facts or research get in the way of you yapping away.

  38. You Just Made My List!on 15 Apr 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Marcel – Great comment, too bad it will never be approved. At least you know that she will see it. Apparently the rules of Youtube do not apply to her.

  39. Vishon 16 Apr 2011 at 11:21 am

    Follow your shitty blog ’cause my life sucks bollocks!!

    But you redeemed yourself for the all the BS that I have had to sift through ever since I starting following this blog sack .. You fking rule Listy!!

    “Please remove as this is copyright infringement, as you did not seek permission to use this video post.”

    Many more examples of awesome literary phlegm on the lawyer chicks site!!

  40. emilyon 14 Apr 2012 at 4:55 pm

    it’s so stupid.. the “technology” these companies like this deodorant and makeup, I have seen a lot of stupid “tech” claims from makeup companies.

    Isn’t this false advertising?

    And who would see this commercial and not think it is so ridiculous?

  41. patason 03 Nov 2012 at 12:56 am

    Que tranza bola de jabronis

  42. Jimon 05 Apr 2013 at 4:45 am

    On the stupid Deoderant…I ended up here because I searched, How does Degree MotionSense work? I’m usually very in-tuned to commercialism and quick to point out falacies in them. I couldn’t dislike this product more the second I heard, “It senses motion” as though it contained micro-miniturized accelerometers. I HATE ads that Overstate or Exagerate the Usefullness or “Smartness” of their product as though beads of perfume which disolve from friction, heat or wetness was some new technology. Crap, bath beads have existed for a long ass time. But the audacity to say, “It senses motion” is disingenuous and basically an outright lie. It doesn’t “sense” crap. This sort of advertising makes me want to kick the shit out of every ad executive. I sincerely think laws regarding false or misleading advertising need some expanding because they are too many gullible lemmings out there who need to be protected. SAVE THE LEMMINGS