Apr 28 2011
In-floor TVs!
So, why haven’t I been writing lately? Turns out, when you move to Hawaii, you have to sell everything you own first. And, it turns out, selling everything you own is a fucking pain in the ass that takes up every free minute of your life.
I mention this so that I can fully illustrate my disgust with today’s topic. It takes something insanely stupid to get me motivated enough to hop back on the computer, and today I found it at a Red Robin restaurant.
Has it really come to this? Are Americans actually so lazy that they can’t be bothered to raise their heads to watch TV? Do we need TVs in the floor? You wouldn’t want to miss a single second of Maury Povich while waiting to cram a Fiesta Southwestern Ranch Bacon Spicy Beef Jerky Slim Jim Burger with extra bacon crumble and a side of bacon juice down your fucking throat. Who’s the real father of the baby? I don’t know but there’s a good chance he’s in back “cooking” my “food.”
We deserve to have our economy collapse. We deserve Donald Trump as our President. We deserve Jersey Shore and the Kardashians. We are pathetic. It’s over.
Uh, Listy, Red Slobbin? Really? Was the Pizza Hut closed? I am sure there was a Der Wienerschnitzel within a 10 mile radius…or possibly a hospital with an open buffet you could eat at. TV’s in the floor are the least of your worries here…I would be more worried about botulism.
Dude! Thank God you’re back. Whew. I will reluctantly admit that I, too, have been inside a Red Robin once – once! And I noticed the retarded TV sunk into the floor in the waiting area. The very strange thing about it was that there were disgusting fingerprints all over the screen. Are people laying on the floor out of boredom, waiting for a table, and putting their slimy mitts on the screen? That’s one way to lose your appetite. Gross.
Don’t panic, I RARELY eat food like this. It was not my doing, my coworkers made me do it. Did you know they have never-ending French fries? GO AMERICA!
Quantum physics dictate that French fires should end at some point. I believe Carl Sagan first mentioned this phenomenon.
Never ending french fries? That’s an enormous potato.
To make a French fry that never ends you would need a potato with infinite size.
Or the fry could just be cut in the shape of a ring.
Listy, you disappoint me.
Why is there not a photo of you evacuating your bowels after your “meal” on the in-floor TV?
Sincerely, Disappointed.
is that THE American Cinema Darling, LEO, on the screen????
Rachel – Sadly, I think it’s sports talk radio. The only thing better than listening to sports radio is WATCHING it… on a floor!
SanFran – Sadly, this “meal” is still “with me.”
There’s a pill you can take for that, Listy.
this calls to mind Patton Oswalt’s hilarious bit about Black Angus steakhouse – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPCB5sAQKa0
i love and eat junk food as much as the next person, but i honestly can’t force myself into any of these chain restaurants – everything about them from their fake decor to their ridiculous menu items drives me nuts.
I agree with San Fran. I demand a deficating version of this shot, but only if I can believe that IS Leo on the floor.
Listy. You may have heard of the tornadoes that just destroyed parts of the southern US on Wednesday. They killed almost 300 people, most of which were in my state, Alabama. My home, along with the homes of about one third of the state’s population, is completely without power. I have friends whose homes are quite literally gone, destroyed.
I just had a nervous breakdown because my dad informed me that we will be staying in Kentucky for the next few days because that is the only place where he could find a hotel that wasn’t packed with other storm refugees.
However, you have managed to make me laugh heartily at TVs in the floor. Thank you, I needed that laughter.
Lily – Oh man, that has got to be rough. I suppose you have to be thankful you and your home are OK. On the other hand, I always find it annoying when people tell me to be thankful for things when I’m in the middle of some crises. I hope the situation improves soon and thanks for letting me know my lame attempts at writing cheered you up. Good luck!
Caleb – “Every time I eat a steak a hacky sack goes down the gutter”
Caleb – LMAO funny, dude! That was good.
C’mon folks, we all know huge footprints and sneeze-stained glass markings make for a more enjoyable Primetime viewing experience
When are you going to write a post about how annoying James Franco is?! I don’t know how to e-mail you, but the dude pisses me off.
Between painting, acting, writing books/being a published author, teaching classes, getting multiple degrees, producing & directing documentaries, hosting award shows, and acting cool, I don’t know how the guy is able to breathe or sleep – or wait, I don’t think he sleeps either. Stop the super human syndrome!
I may be starting to have withdrawl symptoms…………
I need some Listy, and quick!
It has been a while, hasn’t it? I need something to read and leave nonsensical comments on. What’s your blog address?
I don’t have a blog, Lawr. Do you? I would love to email you. I have a feeling I may start to succumb to porn……. don’t let me slip, Lawr! I have a feeling Listy is in the move process, but couldn’t he just say so? I hate the unknown….
I have one, but it’s not in the slightest humorous. It’s all nerdy and technical.
I figured he was moving too. The suspense is killing me. LIIIIIIIIIIIISTYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Lawr, give me your damn blog, so we can chat, dammit!!! I don’t care if it’s nerdy….. give it up.
Dammit are you on Oahu yet???
It’s down for “repairs” right now. I’m redesigning it. You’ll just have to wait my friend. Or hit me up on the book of face.
Dude, I don’t play with the book of face. Please let me know here when it is up, and I can email you through it. I check Listy’s sight every day, and will continue to do so, even if his lazy ass is not posting! But I’d love to share some funny shit w/you, so get your blog going, dude!
Good luck lily FEMA is in Kentucky to inforce a police state on it’s citizens
And I get to watch the whole thingg from across the river
WOW i can watch soundless tv w/subtitles while i eat!!!!
Americans are just so clever with they’re inventions
And yet we wonder a century later why we are still using fossil fuels?
shit
I don’t know who the fuck u r but I love what u say. If this stuff is all so abhorrent why why why why can’t u look away for good