Oct 14 2008

Toothbrush technology!

Published by at 3:03 am under I Don't Get It

I actually kind of feel sorry for the poor idiot whose job it is to “invent” new toothbrushes. Some guy who got a Masters in engineering and dreamed that one day he would change the world while working with an elite team of scientists in a C.S.I. style lab in Switzerland is in reality hopping in his PT Cruiser every morning to work in a basement lab in Dayton to “reinvent” the toothbrush every 6 months. This poor son of a bitch comes home every night to cold leftover Olive Garden, a wife dressed head to toe in bedazzled denim and a son who may or may not be worshipping the devil. He works 10 hours a day under buzzing fluorescent lights just to rearrange some bristles on an invention that was pretty much figured out in the 1800s. I mean, it’s a fucking brush. God, I just want to give this guy a hug!

I can’t even find a normal toothbrush at the pharmacy any more. I just want the classic colorful plastic handle with clear, straight bristles but all of the brushes on the market look more like sex toys than something you want to stick on your mouth.

The first person who can tell me where to buy/order the classic toothbrush will win this Jesus Puzzle.

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25 comments so far

25 comments to “Toothbrush technology!”

  1. Navisionon 14 Oct 2008 at 8:26 am


    Now give me my fucking puzzle!!!

  2. LLGon 14 Oct 2008 at 8:43 am

    Damn! Beat me to it!

    Guess the Jesus Puzzle goes back on my Xmas list.

    Mine’s prettier though…

    And just so we’re clear: Toothbrushes ARE like sex toys… at least for those with an OCD-like teeth-complex. I spend hours walking up and down the aisle at the store… just gazing and shivering with excitement. I’ll take a curved toothbrush over a standard vibrator any day. It gets all those hard-to-reach places.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:31 am

    Navision and LLG, Thank you both for finding my classic toothbrush sources. Technically the puzzle goes to Navision but since it is smashed into several pieces he may or may not choose to let you have a few pieces. He has an important decision to make.

  4. SanFranon 14 Oct 2008 at 9:52 am

    You realize that the toothbrush was NOT invented in the South, right?

    ‘Why’, you ask?

    Well, otherwise, it would have been called a teethbrush.

    HAR HAR.

  5. SanFranon 14 Oct 2008 at 9:54 am

    FUCK – being pre-coffee, I totally fucked that up.

    it WAS invented in the South, because otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush…

    I hope I didn’t just make your list.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:59 am

    Thanks for clearing that up SanFran, I read the first version about 10 times and thought I was dumb for missing something. That sucks when a joke backfires like that, I feel your pain.

  7. guilty noodleson 14 Oct 2008 at 1:15 pm

    My husband’s very good friend used to design toothbrushes for Colgate or Crest (I can’t remember). His sister used to get really mad at him for not making it easier for moms to remember what size and type of toothbrush each of her kids used. I’m not quite sure why that’s so irritating.

    He does get paid really well… as in, in addition to his six figure salary, he receives a six figure bonus at the end of each year.

    And yes, even with his hefty salary, this friend has been in a deep, deep depression FOREVER. We’re all waiting for him to kill himself.

  8. guilty noodleson 14 Oct 2008 at 1:17 pm

    Oh, and you can’t get the “classic” toothbrush at the dollar store. I think it comes in a 4-6 pack.

  9. guilty noodleson 14 Oct 2008 at 1:18 pm

    Oops, I meant you CAN purchase the “classic” toothbrush at the dollar store. Sorry, they switched up my meds today.

    The dollar store toothbrushes are most likely tainted with lead though.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Wait, are you telling me I can make that much money “designing” toothbrushes? Where did I go wrong in my life?

    I would be afraid to put a dollar store toothbrush in my mouth. They are probably made out of lead and human hair.

  11. Weirdoon 14 Oct 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Oh my god, you are brilliant.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:37 pm

    I agree with Weirdo!

  13. Ryderon 16 Oct 2008 at 2:10 am


    Apparently the tooth brush actually is a sex toy. Can I have a piece of the Jesus puzzle? (preferably the piece that pissed you off enough to make a post about it)

  14. emlynnon 16 Oct 2008 at 2:02 pm

    i work for a toothbrush manufacturer, so i can get you any color plain plastic toothbrush you want! we make one style for inmates in jail, those are real plain.

  15. You Just Made My List!on 16 Oct 2008 at 2:12 pm

    Emlynn – That rules! I totally need a prison tooth brush!

  16. emlynnon 16 Oct 2008 at 2:31 pm

    i’ll getcha one, you can feel tough and unlawful. i can’t mail it to a blog tho!

  17. Bennon 16 Oct 2008 at 10:48 pm

    Prison toothbrushes aren’t as fun as you’d think. I thought I wanted one until I found out that they were half length, off white (the color your teeth will be when you can’t brush them with the brush) and very soft to the point that you cannot brush your teeth with them.

  18. You Just Made My List!on 16 Oct 2008 at 10:55 pm

    Benn is a dream crusher! I guess my prison toothbrush fantasy has come to an end. Thanks for the offer emlynn, it was very nice of you. I guess I will just use one when I actually go to prison one day.

  19. You Just Made My List!on 16 Oct 2008 at 10:56 pm

    Wait, Benn have you been to prison?

  20. emlynnon 17 Oct 2008 at 1:22 pm

    HMMM seems like Ben has been to prison ha. OUR prison brushes are made with mint, so theyre minty, and they’re green. Guess Ben’s jail wasn’t as nice as it could be 🙂

  21. SanFranon 20 Oct 2008 at 2:38 pm

    To paraphrase from the movie Fletch (or was it Fletch Lives?):

    Burly Inmate, to Chevy Chase:
    “Bend over”

    Chevy Chase:
    “Ben? Nice to meet you”

  22. You Just Made My List!on 20 Oct 2008 at 2:45 pm

    SanFran, that must be be Fletch Lives because I am pretty sure I have every line of Fletch memorized and the only bending over scene I can think of is in the doctor’s office… “you usin’ the whole fist doc? Moon river.”

  23. Shmoopyon 16 Mar 2010 at 10:32 am

    Wal-Mart used to carry Dr. Du-More’s toothbrushes. They were simple and beautiful and they cost 50 cents (in 2006/7 dollars…adjust for stagflation). They disappeared from the shelves one day about two years ago, and I kicked myself for not having bought a shitload.

    But maybe the Wal-Marts in your area still carry them?

  24. Michaelon 27 Dec 2012 at 2:55 pm

    I found what you’re looking for! One minor catch: They’re only available in bulk. But they’re a wonderful bargain!


    Happy belated Christmas.

  25. You Just Made My List!on 27 Dec 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Hell to the yeah!