Oct 17 2008

Pizza Hut and their stupid pizza innovations!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

Hey Pizza Hut, leave my pizza alone and stop forcing cheese into every hole you can find! And while you’re at it stop trying to convince me your “Tuscani Pastas” are going to fool me into thinking they don’t taste like ass.

Much like the toothbrush, pizza has been figured out and needs no further innovations. The only option Pizza Hut has left is to make the delivery box out of cheese because god knows Americans need more cheese for their fat cheese holes. I’m also kind of waiting for “The Extreme 180 Pizza” which would simply be a pizza delivered upside down. The commercial would feature skateboarding punks taking a break from thrashing and being rad to take “Pizza Hut’s Extreme 180 Pizza Challenge.” They would encourage each other by yelling things like “bitchin” or “hell yeah, eat the shit out of that mother fucker you mother fucker” or simply “FUCK!”

The Onion has a good idea for the Hut too.

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Pizza Hut and their stupid pizza innovations!”

  1. AlexandraJadeon 17 Oct 2008 at 4:29 am

    Hey, just wanted to say that I love this website, it makes me laugh so much.
    Have you guys in the US heard about Pizza hut becoming ‘Pasta hut?’.
    Because thats whats happening to our Pizza Hut’s in the UK.
    xxx

  2. Poppieon 17 Oct 2008 at 9:23 am

    No matter what PizzaHut does to their pizza, it still tastes terrible. Their sauce is too sweet, and I’m somehow convinced that they fry their crust, as evidenced by the greasy, golden-brown bottom of the pizza. I could see that: deep-fried pizza, chicken fried pizza, fried chicken pizza. That’s terrible. Only in America… this is exactly the type of thing Obama’s going to change.

    Werd.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 17 Oct 2008 at 9:46 am

    Alexandra – Thanks, nice to hear from the UK. Pasta Hut? No, I was unaware of this name change although they are pushing their crappy pasta heavily with ads that claim people in a nice restaurant can’t tell the difference. As much as I dislike Pizza Hut’s wacky pizza I still would be sad if they changed names and no longer had the trademark red “huts.” I have a lot of childhood memories attached to Pizza Hut because of Little League baseball. If you have ever seen the original 70s version of “The Bad News Bears” you will understand why.

    Poppie – Great idea, Obama should add this to his official campaign platform. “I will force Pizza Hut to stop fucking around with pizza!”

  4. SanFranon 17 Oct 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Being a “creative type” in the tv biz, I’d like to suggest that the skate board / roller blade punks actually do some crazy ollie off of a perilously high railing of some sort, like one that keeps people out of the way of passing commuter trains, and actually SLICE the Extreme 180 pizza with their wheels, which may or may not have some sort of pyrotechnics special effect treatment for good measure. There would of course be layered audio under the music bed with things like “fuckin’ rad yo” and “totally stoked” and maybe “yo mutha’s ass, gimme summa dat”.

    Where do I send the bill?

  5. You Just Made My List!on 17 Oct 2008 at 4:09 pm

    SanFran – slicing the pizza with the wheels is GENIUS. I now have a boner. I also like that for some reason in both of our ads there is blatant use of the word “fuck.”

  6. PizzaHutRepresentativeGuyon 19 Oct 2008 at 5:33 am

    Well, I would like to thank you for this great idea! Now we can pretend that we care about those skater punks and give them a “bitchin'” pizza.
    But sadly, I am not a Pizza Hut representative guy, I’m just Benn disguised as a PHRG.
    And Pizza Hut is *not* changing their name. They are just opening new restaurants called “Pasta Hut.” They are keeping their name the same. Pasta Hut is another branch of Pizza Hut, just like Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club are associated. You will still be able to order a pizza at the “Pasta Hut” and vice versa.
    And yes, only in fucking America.

    God Bless the US of fucking A.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 19 Oct 2008 at 10:14 am

    Thank god!

  8. SanFranon 20 Oct 2008 at 2:35 pm

    PizzaHutRepresentativeGuy:

    Please, get it right…

    It’s the United Fucking States of Bank of America.

    Fool.

  9. […] accidentally ate half of a Pizza Hut pizza last night and it led to a series of events that prevented me from writing anything. BUT, I have […]

  10. Mr. Pottymouthon 01 Jan 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Ahhh HELL yeah! Preach on brother!

    All I’d really like from Pizza Slut would be GOOD PIZZA at a FAIR PRICE instead of them trying to get us all to join the “Rehashed Pizza Novelty of the Month” club.

    # 1. Start putting actual sauce on the pizza. I don’t know what idiot told you that a pinkish glaze on the crust constitutes saucing a pizza but they’re sadly mistaken. Yes we all know that this means you’ll then have to actually cover it with a NORMAL amount of cheese instead of the sparse sprinkling of “cheese food” you currently use.

    #2. Don’t try to charge us $17-$18 bucks for a $13 dollar pizza. One large pizza with 2-3 ingredients should run about $14-$15 bucks.

    #3. Learn what the word “LARGE” means.
    Pizza Hut’s current sizing:
    6″ Personal
    10″ small (not sold any more)
    12″ medium
    14″ large
    16″ New Yorker / Extra Large

    WRONG! Try going up 2-4 inches on all of those sizes & then you’re in the ballpark. A 6″ inch Personal Pizza? Are you SHITTING me? Yeah, maybe for an 8 year old.

    Oh & while I’m at it what the hell is it with this “New York” style “fold it like a man” BULLshit? It’s pizza, not my laundry. It’s not meant to be folded you fucking morons.

  11. fuckyouon 06 Feb 2011 at 12:08 am

    were to start.

    – to mr dip shit ( aka mr potty mouth )
    one large 3 topping pizza is 10 dollars dumb ass.
    the personals are a sponsor of the book it add, for kids. stop ordering off the kids menu dipshit. and maybe look about alittle. 14″ large is a good average compared to other places 10″ large. The cheese is the cook, not the company and same with the sauce, you just have your moms porto-dick up your ass.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 06 Feb 2011 at 12:22 am

    Fuckyou – Are you the CEO of Pizza Hut? You sound so intelligent and knowledgeable on the subject. Perhaps you are an author or a food critic. If not, you should consider it, your command of the English language is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

  13. Jackon 27 Jan 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Please… don’t encourage them (Pizza Hut). They’ve done enough stupid-ass gimmicks within just the last 2 years alone! I mean, remember the INSANE Big Italy? lol