Dec 05 2008

Michael Phelps!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It

I can’t even explain why Michael Phelps bugs me so much but he really does. Even before he became the “cool” Michael Phelps with the Asian stripper girlfriend he bugged the shit out of me. He’s douchey, am I wrong? Somehow he even managed to make kicking serious ass in the Olympics super boring. And if I have to see one more photo with his pants so low I can see pubes I’m going to go on a killing spree.

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24 comments so far

24 comments to “Michael Phelps!”

  1. Yubberson 05 Dec 2008 at 6:45 am

    He actually stayed at the hotel I worked at not too long ago…. for the record he seemed pretty gosh darn nice :-/

  2. CreatureofHabiton 05 Dec 2008 at 7:27 am

    Well – he’s douchey. You’re correct.

    I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy. But he’s a product of the modern American “Brand Machine”. Ick.

    Personally, I think if you’re rich, there’s no excuse for having fucked up teeth. He needs to take a little time out and get some work done, pronto.

  3. AngrySaron 05 Dec 2008 at 7:53 am

    Oh heck yes, he annoys me too! The biggest thing I hate is how suddenly every female in America thought he was “hot”. Gimme a break!! His ears stick out like Steven Colbert’s, his torso is abnormally long & freaky looking, sports a dorky Lloyd Christmas hairdo, and like you said… pubes are NOT helping the attractiveness factor in the slightest! What the heck is wrong with these dumb sheep women who fall in love with any flash-in-the-pan, media-declared “darling”? Yeeech!!
    Haha… ok, end rant 😛

  4. AngrySaron 05 Dec 2008 at 7:55 am

    I hate my gender, but its not my fault. They make me hate them. lol

  5. guilty noodleson 05 Dec 2008 at 9:04 am

    He has an Asian stripper girlfriend?

  6. Navisionon 05 Dec 2008 at 11:10 am

    Guilty… I agree, I would like to hear or see more of this alleged Asian Stripper Girlfriend.

    PS. Strippers need love too!

  7. Stephanieon 05 Dec 2008 at 11:34 am

    I don’t understand how women (or girls) see him as attractive.

  8. Patrickon 05 Dec 2008 at 11:58 am

    I grew to dislike Michael Phelps after everybody overreacted to that one chick emphatically denying she was involved with him, basically saying “EWW. No!” And the whole news media and internet were basically devoted to talking shit about her and saying how she was “just jealous” (probably the world’s most annoying insult). Sure, it’s not his fault, but so what? I hate by proxy.

  9. guilty noodleson 05 Dec 2008 at 12:33 pm

    Yes, I agree. Strippers do need love too, but I’ve never understood how the concept of having a girlfriend who’s a stripper works. Is she on call? Or can he only catch her on stage? Does Phelps always have to carry dollar bills when he’s around his girlfriend?

    Will someone please clarify this for me?

  10. ex-stripperon 05 Dec 2008 at 4:28 pm

    Guilty noodles let me help you out with that – boyfriends get a really good deal ‘cos usually when the boyfriend visits the stripper girlfriend, the girlfriend can buy the boyfriend the super expensive club drinks with all the money she’s making that night and the boyfriend usually gets free lap dances all night will other men are basically paying for his drinks  It’s all fun a games for a while but it doesn’t make for a long term relationship so it’s better to get out if you want a real relationship…

  11. Navisionon 05 Dec 2008 at 4:43 pm

    So… ex-stripper… how ex ago? 🙂 I do think you need love too.

  12. ex-stripperon 05 Dec 2008 at 5:06 pm

    thank you navison 🙂 I quit over the summer after “strong” encouragement from the boyfriend. I had saved enough money to pay for school so I went ahead and quit, even though the money is really hard to say goodbye to… and let me correct a typo from my previous post**while other men**

  13. T-Ravon 05 Dec 2008 at 6:20 pm

    Yeah,I’m getting pretty sick of him myself.And everyone I talk to about how sick I am of him rolls their eyes and gets offended because he won 8 Gold Medals.He had his fame back in the summer,I’m ready to forget about him again for another four years.And also,that Guitar Hero ad with him,A-Rod,Kobe,and Tony Hawk makes me sick as well.

  14. hodanon 05 Dec 2008 at 7:54 pm

    as a person in the 17-21 age group i don’t find this buttaface attractive at all! his bod is decent but trust i’ve seen better…and the douchey-ness is so apparent in his new found fame.

  15. guilty noodleson 05 Dec 2008 at 8:39 pm

    Thank you ex-stripper. Now, I can sleep.

  16. Lon 05 Dec 2008 at 8:48 pm

    My cousin went to school with Michael Phelps, from grade school on up. He claimed they were friends, but when I talked to my aunt about it (couldn’t help myself…I was basking in “OMG MY COUSIN KNOWS AN OLYMPIC STAR!!” glory), she said that not only was he a real asshole, but my cousin never really had a positive interaction with him. Granted, this was back in the school years, and what teen isn’t an asshole, but all of that aside…it still bugs me that it sounds like there’s shit in his mouth when he talks.

  17. ex-stripperon 05 Dec 2008 at 10:10 pm

    You’re welcome guilty noodles … and forget Michael Phelps (and his very long jaw) I really want to know how one can become part of this harem that was mentioned in the comments of the “being sick” posting? …totally kidding…I mean unless there really is gonna be a harem formed…

  18. You Just Made My List!on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:16 pm

    Sorry I have been absent this week but this cold (flu?) is killing me.

    Yes, I will be taking applications for my harem effective immediately. In fact, screw the applications, if you want in then you are approved! Now, we will need to get a palace with a giant indoor pool. We are also going to need a lot of pillows.

  19. ex-stripperon 05 Dec 2008 at 11:12 pm

    heading to my local pier 1 store as we speak…hmmm…now where to get a palace…

  20. Bobcatson 06 Dec 2008 at 1:30 pm

    And I thought I was the only American that hated Michael Phelps. It is good to know I am not alone.

  21. sarahon 07 Dec 2008 at 3:22 pm

    so fucking glad you said it because everybody seems to love him and I just rolled my eyes thinking I was the only one that thought he was stupid and ugly as hell.

  22. deathon 07 Dec 2008 at 3:39 pm

    I just don’t get the hype around him, sure he can swim like he’s got propellors, but the guy looks like tall hick with his messed up grill and wingnut ears. Besides that, he beat Australian’s in the pool, making him the enemy haha.
    On a side note, I’ll be coming over once you find that palace!

  23. rxon 07 Dec 2008 at 4:11 pm

    his doucheyness is well investigated here

  24. he's a dorkon 18 May 2009 at 7:19 pm

    he looks like the kind of guy that would date an asian.