Jan 13 2009

Ironic 80’s emo hair!

Published by at 3:00 am under Jerks,Why?!?

Ironic 80's Emo Hair

I am fighting back the barf in my throat after searching for these photos. This is going to be a short post because 1) what can really be said about these douchebag turds that you can’t figure out just by looking at their lame asses and 2) the barf.

(old man rant warning)
These kids today think they invented all this shit but we were the first ones to walk around looking like complete assholes in the 80’s. Let it die! It was a playful mistake in 1984 but now it can only be described as lame.

I’m going to go listen to the Cure and punch myself in the face.

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22 comments so far

22 comments to “Ironic 80’s emo hair!”

  1. Ronon 13 Jan 2009 at 5:57 am

    I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

  2. Jeffon 13 Jan 2009 at 6:41 am

    Surprise, surprise – I think you’re totally off-base on this one. The hairstyles above are not ironic and not 80s. Kids today are nothing like we were – they look like they scrub themelves from head to toe, then spray on a full-body sealing agent before every hair is meticulously placed, just so. You, on the other hand, squirted a bit of sun-in on your head and maybe slapped some gel on before casually popping your jean jacket collar. In fact, it’s likely that any holes in your denim were *real* and not part of a manufacturing process.

  3. Peteon 13 Jan 2009 at 7:30 am

    Yeah, they probably had to work ninety minutes to get their hair to look messed up just right. I’ll bet if they’re not gay they have their girlfriends deliver it to them using strap-ons

  4. AngrySaron 13 Jan 2009 at 7:46 am

    What pisses me off about ‘kids’ today (I am the ripe ol’ age of 25 myself, lol) is that guys are so afraid to actually be guys. Guys on the radio singing their “hard rock” (Avenged Sevenfold anyone? ***hurls***) sound like me when I was 8. Godamn, don’t be afraid to sound like a guy! Don’t be afraid to look like a guy! Just be MALE, for the love of hate! Believe it or not, there are still girls out there like me who want to be with a real actual guy, and not just a sickeningly clean-cut, scrubbed, shiny, wet-haired (yuck) version of themselves with a willy.
    Ahhh… I feel better.

  5. Jasonon 13 Jan 2009 at 8:46 am

    Emo. WTF, I mean, I guess I know what it stands for. Emotional right? What the hell does that mean? It seems to me that most of these kids have it so good that they really have to find something on which to focus their teenage frustrations. I don’t know if it’s safe for me to unleash the feelings I have concerning the hair and the “cutting”. I’m going to try to say a few things without turning into the angry old fart. Who tells these boys that going out in public with hair smoothed down and in your face and sticking up all over the back is a good look? If I see one more punk walking around and flipping his hair outta his face like some drama queen pimple faced little girl I’m likely to pull out my pocket knife and run up and give him a hair cut real quick. If it’s really all about feeling then why not try to make it better instead of pathetically crying out for someone to fix it by cutting yourself? What the hell happened to the notion of putting on a smile and working to make every day a good one? I agree with Angrysar, what’s wrong with being a guy? Being a dude? WHAT’S WRONG with being a man. I don’t care what your sexual preference is. I voted for prop 8 because I feel that everyone should have the same opportunity to experience the same misery of marriage and divorce. But if you have a penis don’t be afraid to act like it, don’t be afraid to scratch your sac when it itches. For any emo guys that might read this, my woman certainly doesn’t like it when I’m all nasty but I’ve noticed that she expresses more intimate interest after times when I’ve been doing something physical, i.e. working on the car, cutting wood, moving furniture, working out.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 13 Jan 2009 at 10:01 am

    Jeff, You’re nuts, I think it’s very obvious most of the latest fashion trends are pulled from the 80’s. Maybe things are different in Singapore but trust me, half the kids in America are running around looking like they just stepped off the set of Valley Girl. Sure it has morphed a bit and yes, kids are way too clean and primped but it’s still all from the 80’s.

    You are also incorrect about the wholes in my teenage jeans. You better believe I worked hard to look like I woke up in the gutter! Every rip and bleach spot was meticulously placed. To be fair, that’s just part of being a teenager. We all had our look and we all worked hard to maintain it. Didn’t I see you walking the halls of our high school with a scarf around your neck on a daily basis?

  7. AngrySaron 13 Jan 2009 at 10:21 am

    I went off on the emo thing, but to me its lumped together with how much I hate the whole “metrosexual” guy trend ((hint hint)), where guys spend 10x longer on their hair than girls do, have 10x more bath & beauty products, opt for preppy polo shirts (with popped collars… gag) instead of the timeless t-shirt. I guess I can just hear their inner, beated-down guyness crying out, for someone to accept them so they can go back to being a real guy, penis and all. LOL 😛
    Plus, while I’m on the subject of kids and how stupid they dress, we’ve got to stop dressing and treating our children (I’m talking grade school and even younger here!) like they’re miniature adults. No little short miniskirts for your 3 year old girl, Bratz-style shoes, and spaghetti straps like she’s 16. Geez, give them a chance to be real, roll-in-the-dirt, eat-worms-and-play-with-the-dog kids.

  8. AngrySaron 13 Jan 2009 at 10:32 am

    Of course it should come to no surprise now that my boyfriend has long, waist-length hair, a beard, and wears tshirts & jeans most of the time. And I love it. (Although he does look hot in a suit, lol :-))

  9. You Just Made My List!on 13 Jan 2009 at 11:08 am

    Angry, Amen and amen.

  10. SanFranon 13 Jan 2009 at 11:11 am

    I don’t even own a comb.. not sure I ever have, come to think of it. When I go get my hair cut (which is a rare event), they are always like “would you like any product?”…

    PRODUCT? what the fuck is that? Call it what it is: Gel, spray, Agent Orange… whatever. “Product” Feh.


    I wake up, hop in the shower, put my bike helmet on and that’s the last I think of it for the day. My hair looks awesome, I’m sure (haven’t really looked)…

  11. hodanon 13 Jan 2009 at 12:27 pm

    We don’t have emos in my neck of the woods, but i see them a lot in the downtown area.there is nothing more unpleasant than seeing a guy wearing the exact same pair of jeans and make up as you are.they are, sadly, the reason why i hardly ever approach white guys in my age group anymore.

  12. guilty noodleson 13 Jan 2009 at 2:16 pm

    You want to discuss product? My husband is a product WHORE. He is such a sucker, he’ll spend hundreds of dollars a month on face wash, toner, moisturizer, beard lube (huh?) and whatever the hell there is out there. He primps in the bathroom for over an hour and I’m in and out of the shower, throw on some moisturizer and clothes, tada! I don’t own a brush and barely look in the mirror. However, the days that I do, I’m completely horrified with what I see.

    Then again, I’m one of those dumb asses who buy cashmere sweaters for their dirty toddlers. My husband and I are perfect for each other.

  13. SanFranon 13 Jan 2009 at 3:56 pm

    guilty noodles: product whore… dirty toddlers… Sounds like the all-american family!

    I’ve had a few friends over the years who have gone the way of the product, I’m sure they are all dead now – at least to me.

    Beard Lube? what the fuck is that? Please report back with your findings.

  14. guilty noodleson 13 Jan 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Beard lube is supposed to soften the stubble for an easier and closer shave. See, my husband is super hairy and the hair itself is rather coarse. As a result, he finds all these extra products aid in reducing ingrown hairs.

    There’s a new product called “Balla Powder for Men” which keeps “the boys” dry and from getting the dreaded “swamp ass”. You can find all this and more at groominglounge.com

    Are we done with the tutorial, San Fran? I need to go vomit now. On my dirty toddler. Cause that’s how we Americans roll…

  15. Neishon 13 Jan 2009 at 6:46 pm

    Emos are gross but nothing is worse than those mother fucking wanna be hippies who attend university. You have enough money to actually come to university, why don’t you take a SHOWER!? Ugh, I know students whine that they are poor but I know for a fact 3/4 of those smelly hippies are at university because of mommy and daddy! GO BUY SOME SHOES! It’s winter in Canada, 2 feet of snow and they wear 8 pairs of socks and sandals! >.O fuck you!

  16. SanFranon 13 Jan 2009 at 7:03 pm

    Guilty Noodles: Thanks for the k-nowledge…. I’m not a particularly hairy mofo, and usually only shave about twice a week (stubble doesn’t bother me any, and the wife likes it).. So I guess I’m thankful for not having to augment my half-a-shelf’s worth of the medicine cabinet with anything other than some deodorant (not antiperspirant – that shit is bad news) and some perfume-free shaving creme. Oh, and a nail clipper.

    Now, for the Balla Powder… I’ve not heard of this, either, until just now. I’ve never really noticed swamp-ass, truth be told.

    Good luck yakking on your toddler. I’m sure (s)he loves the extra attention and warmth of your bile and pop-tart barf.

  17. Jeffon 13 Jan 2009 at 7:25 pm

    mmm not convinced – we simply did not have access to the grooming technologies in the 80s that kids do now.

    One thing we did have though, was bad cologne – Geoffrey Bean “Grey Flannel”, Drakkar, and (my favorite) Polo. Are they making a comeback too?

    Just to annoy my wife, I doused myself in Polo at duty free before we got on a flight the other day. Uggh, it was a lot worse than I remembered…

  18. Balzacon 13 Jan 2009 at 9:24 pm

    Is there a better word than douchebag?

  19. SanFranon 14 Jan 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Balzac: no, not really. I use it liberally, everyone should.

  20. Yubberson 15 Jan 2009 at 7:11 am

    Yo YJMML… this is not an 80’s thing. This is not a 70’s thing or a 90’s thing… it was invented by shmos all over the world during the … erg… 2000’s. If you can find accurate pictures of boys with, not just similiar, but precise hair styles like these (and trust you me, they’re fucking precise) then I will shut my mouth and admit to your all holyness.

  21. Yubberson 15 Jan 2009 at 7:15 am

    Ps… I’m not saying their idiotic “look at me, I’m so fucking fabulous” attitudes and styles didn’t exist in the 80’s…

    I’m referring to the Emorific hair styles (and fashion sense) in general is not the same as what was going on in the 80’s. Get with it yo!

  22. PoodlesRuleon 17 Dec 2010 at 12:25 am

    Hey, I know this thread is old (I’m still catching up here) but it reminds me of one of the first blurbs in the book “Shit My Dad Says,” (by Justin Halpern, I think?) and it’s funny. Justin’s dad is like you in that he is pissed off about shit, but he’s about 1/2 as witty and 1/8 as funny as you:

    “Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”