Jan 14 2009

People who talk incessantly about raw sewage in line at Jimmy John’s

Published by at 3:01 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Why?!?

Jimmy John's

Have you ever seen someone and in less than a second you just know they are a tool? It’s a subtle observation because they basically look normal but maybe it’s something about their hair or their choice of tie that clues you into the fact that they suck. You just don’t like the cut of their jib!

Well this happened to me while waiting in line today at Jimmy John’s. From the beginning it was destined to be an annoying event. I walked in and stood behind a guy who was obviously in line. I mean, when you stand in front of the register at the “order here” sign it means you are in line, right? Turns out not always. After I realized this guy wasn’t doing shit I asked if he was, in fact, in line. He turned and looked at me as if I had just asked if I could fuck his wife and said “noooo” like I was an idiot for asking. Strike one. Then his douchey friend emerged from the back (probably pooping and not washing his hands) and I just knew instantly that this guy was trouble. Both of these guys looked “normal” in their Dockers and sensible hair cuts but I knew some shit was about to go down. Literally.

Like most Jimmy John’s this space was small and echoey so nobody had to strain to hear these guys discussing raw sewage and poop. It wasn’t so much that this discussion of human waste grossed me out (it obviously did a little), it was really more that I don’t understand jerks like this who have zero awareness of the world that exists 3 inches past their fat faces. How do you not know to move out of the way after you order? How do you not notice the humans standing behind you who obviously think you are in line? How do you not know that the lunch crowd does not want to hear about how your family’s smelly shit is backing up into the yard?

How did I get to be the smartest person on earth?

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11 comments so far

11 comments to “People who talk incessantly about raw sewage in line at Jimmy John’s”

  1. Jasonon 14 Jan 2009 at 6:32 am

    I think this is a general thing when large numbers of people live in an area. I don’t live in a large city like Chicago but I do live in a cecent sized town. I moved from a very small town where everyone knew everyone else. There was a certain accountability, you didn’t act like an ass bag because someone around knows you and your family and will mention to everyone that will listen that you were out showing your ass and what a jerkoff you were. In larger communities you don’t have that personal accountability. You can act like a turd and there are no consequences or reprecussions. Until someone has finally had enough and goes into a Jimmy John’s with an AK and starts smoking people. I think it’s also why people act like such shitheads while driving their cars. I saw this little dude the other day drive by me and give me the finger because he felt like I didn’t get out of his way fast enough. I don’t think he would dream of doing that if I were standing right in front of him. No accountability.

  2. Peteon 14 Jan 2009 at 7:36 am

    So what’d you order? The footlong fecal surprise?

  3. Jameson 14 Jan 2009 at 8:15 am

    I disagree with Jason… I think its just a question of awareness… You either are “ON”, where you are paying attention to your surroundings, and using your mind to “enter” the mind of other people (“well, if i am standing right next to the order window, and this guy is stopped behind me, he must think i am in line, i better let him know i am not”), or you are a fucking douche and you are always OFF. I call this “raised awareness” and “raised empathy”. First, you must notice other people, second, you must figure out what THEY are thinking and act accordingly…

  4. guilty noodleson 14 Jan 2009 at 10:27 am

    It’s not difficult being the smartest person at Jimmy John’s.

  5. disgustedon 14 Jan 2009 at 11:19 am

    This makes me want to give up Jimmy Johns forever. If that’s the kind of clientele they serve, I don’t want to be associated with it. Which makes me sad because that pic is making me hungry.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 14 Jan 2009 at 11:27 am

    Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. I will never give up my Slim #1!

  7. Xinaon 14 Jan 2009 at 6:29 pm

    Wait a second… is that a hot dog… with lettuce on it?! I just can’t wrap my mind around that. I mean, everyone poops, but not everyone has a freaking hot dog with salad on it. Weird!

    And now that you’ve seen my killer tits, thanks for showing me your weiner.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 14 Jan 2009 at 6:38 pm

    Xina, no it’s a sub sandwich. I thought every city/state had Jimmy John’s, no?

    So I am sorry to say Xina, you have yet to see my wiener.

  9. dallaskinkon 15 Jan 2009 at 12:15 am

    I’ll have a ham and cheese on rye, with doo doo as the ham.

  10. Yubberson 15 Jan 2009 at 6:31 am

    disgusted: You shouldn’t give up on a franchise simply because dickwads eat, too!

    My theory is these people knew exactly what they were doing.

    The guy walked and went to the “Order here” line so he was aware enough for that…. this is where the mechanism for “Don’t be a douche” should have kicked it. Nope… surely not. Naturally douchebags stick together so this only explains his friends behavior as well. If they were complete brain dead to their behavior they would more likely than not feel badly for making others around them uncomfortable.

    I typically counteract such obvious disregard for human life such as there’s by making sure to at least note their assy behavior. Had this been me I would have clearly, politely and confidently asked him “Then why are you still standing in the **pointing to sign** “Order here” area? You, Sir, belong down there by the register so you can pay and then **point to the door** leave.” Seems easier said than done?? I do it all the time. Maybe that’s the Chicagoen in me??

  11. Christineon 16 Jan 2009 at 5:17 pm

    You should have known better than to go to Jimmy John’s. At my school (Purdue), “Jimmy John” was slang for an obnoxious, beefy, frat-kid in khaki shorts and a t-shirt who took up a lot of space. The female equivalent was a “Chi-Chi.”