Jan 16 2009
The blond surfer dude on TMZ!
I would like to preempt any desire you might have to tell me to “burn my TV.” It’s not going to happen so I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need to be told to turn off the TV and pick up a book so fight that urge you fucking hippies.
Now that we have that unpleasant talk out of the way I can explain why I even know who this guy is. You see, I used to be like you and would ignore programs like TMZ. That was until they placed it between my 5:00 Simpsons and my 6:00 Simpsons. I have a little TV on my desk but I don’t turn it on until 4:00 for People’s Court. Have I ever told you how much I love People’s Court? The mere mention of People’s Court makes me kiss my fingers while making the “muah” sound like a cartoon Italian chef on a pizza box.
Anyway, thanks to the programming change I started listening to TMZ while working. I would occasionally glance over but only to make myself feel superior to the idiots who actually watch this crap. A few disapproving glances turned into watching an entire “story” about Pauly Shore waiting for his car at the valet stand. Next thing you know I’m watching a hard hitting piece on Tori Spelling and that husband of hers waiting for their car at the valet stand. Before I knew it I was watching a full 22 minutes of C and D list celebrities waiting for their cars at valet stands. AND LOVING IT!
The more boring or mundane the activities these “celebs” were engaged in the more I wanted to watch. Look, there’s Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo drinking coffee. OH LOOK, it’s Seal walking through a parking lot not saying a word. What’s that you say, you have a 2 second clip of that guy from Scrubs going through airport security?!? Be still my beating heart!
If you have not seen the show (loser), the format is a bunch of TMZ gossip hounds sitting at their morning meeting pitching ideas to head TMZ guy and sippy cup lover Harvey Levin (FROM PEOPLE’S COURT). They hold up a piece of paper with a photo on it and say “I’ve got Hulk Hogan eating a sandwich at the mall and he looks really fat” followed by a clip of Hulk Hogan eating a sandwich at the mall while looking fat. THAT’S THE ENTIRE SHOW and I fucking love it!
To get to my point, one of the main TMZ gossip guys who appears on the show every day is this surfer dude with long blond hair. He’s kind of the star of the “morning meeting” and usually gets the most screen time. Apparently he even has a name, Max Hodges. The weird thing is Max, who reports on celebrities, is starting to think he IS a celebrity. I guess he kind of is in a weird way. The point is, he’s starting to act like a douchebag and he’s wrecking my little TMZ utopia.
I just realized how long this post is and how few of you care. Burn your books and watch more TV!
These guys follow every move Max Hodges makes.
I imagine I guy like Max (a bottom feeder) who is living in LA probably wants to be a celebrity. The town breaks down into two groups: people working in the business and people who want to work in the business who do jobs that support the business as they attempt to claw their way into the business. As you stated, he, in a sense, is now a celebrity. You really don’t have to do anything of merit to be famous in America anymore. The distinction between the word “famous” and “infamous” has been blurred and with the popularity of reality television, just getting on tv seems to make people believe that makes them famous. We are doing an awesome job of leading ourselves to slaughter. Did TMZ run a clip of our delusional, exiting president (infamous) rewriting the history of the last eight years in his final address to the nation? That is a classic clip – it only cost over a trillion dollars and the destruction of the American economy to make it.
I was actually watching Bush’s farewell speech while writing this post. I didn’t realize what a good job he did. He really put it all in perspective for me. Sure, he mad a couple mistakes but as he explained it overall he did an awesome job and history will show what an amazing President he was. Prior to hearing this speech I was under the incorrect impression that George Bush was a huge piece of shit motherfucker cock sucker, but he set me straight! Can he run again in 2012? I miss him already.
The thing about Max, besides the fact that I hate that I know who he is, is that he is not as dumb or annoying as it would normally take for me to disdain someone as good looking and micro-famous as him. If only he were MORE annoying then I could feel better about myself!
what the f**K is TMZ?
Because you care..
http://www.tmz.com/2008/11/12/food-network-chef-bites-hands-that-feeds/
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, that cocksucker is wearing his stupid back-of-the-head sunglasses AT NIGHT! It’s bad enough during the day but at night it’s a whole new level of douchebaggery that I have yet to experience. What a tool!
Wow, I just got a twinge of schadenfreude watching the Tina Fey one. Her oh-so-clever portrayal of Sarah Palin has been rewarded with every member of ‘Generation O’ walking up to her randomly and asking to have their picture taken with her.
She does, admittedly, take it in good stride and pretends to care – but what’s even more great is that she f***ing HAS to, or else she’ll look like the vapid characters she’s trying to lambaste on 30 Rock.
Thanks for the TMZ pointer YJMML – hopefully they’ll get Rahm or Geithner at some point.
im writing a skit right now about the ridiculousness of TMZ. the over-dramatic Harvy Levin, loser, and failed-actor blonde surfer. you r blog helped with some ideas.
thanks
[...] if he will even stop there, he might clear out all of Hollywood, which would be a disaster for this guy’s career. What did Billy Mays ever do to you, God? What is up your holy [...]
[...] which spends a lot of time on a goodlooking blond photographer, who I just found in passing, from this blog, is called Max [...]
i used to get head from harvey and max. not only is the head subpar but they are totally annoying. guys dont you just hate when your having some guy blow you and he wants to go on and on about “girl did you see what angelina wore to the emmys” i mean cum on just work dat stick fellas. so annoying.
I have been married for almost ten years. I told my husband that there is a list – five people you can be with – hot TMZ guy – you beat out Matthew McConaughey. I would Love to go cougar on you!!
Hi, Danny Partridge,
I had a crush on you way, way,way back when all the other girls where going crazy for David Cassidy. Still love the red hair, think you would be a blast to hang out with (maybe a little crazy!) but Max blows the doors off of David Cassidy on his best day! Sorry, but this guy is the hotest man I have ever seen in my life and I know hot, Harry Reems jumped out of a big box in my livingroom when I was eleven….I have his autograph…it says “Somday….Harry Reems”
Max, “Someday………….Judi” (:
judi – Wait a cotton pickin’ minute! 2 questions…
1) Why was Harry Reems in a box in your living room?
2) Will you marry me?
3) Are you single?
4) Are you attractive?
5) How can you call Max the hottest man you have ever seen?
Judi, you rule!:) And I totally agree about Max.
He’s totally hot and I love his sense of humor.
I can not understand how any female can consider this week effeminate man “hot”. For all of you white devil females that think this man is “hot” I would sincerely check your sexual identity because there is a good chance you might be actually repressing your lesbian inner self. Max Hodges is one of the most effeminate males I have seen in a long time. I mean come on ladies, he makes his living gossiping. Enough said. Can you say H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L.
Never judge a man’s femininity until you have seen him fight.