Jan 16 2009
I would like to preempt any desire you might have to tell me to “burn my TV.” It’s not going to happen so I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need to be told to turn off the TV and pick up a book so fight that urge you fucking hippies.
Now that we have that unpleasant talk out of the way I can explain why I even know who this guy is. You see, I used to be like you and would ignore programs like TMZ. That was until they placed it between my 5:00 Simpsons and my 6:00 Simpsons. I have a little TV on my desk but I don’t turn it on until 4:00 for People’s Court. Have I ever told you how much I love People’s Court? The mere mention of People’s Court makes me kiss my fingers while making the “muah” sound like a cartoon Italian chef on a pizza box.
Anyway, thanks to the programming change I started listening to TMZ while working. I would occasionally glance over but only to make myself feel superior to the idiots who actually watch this crap. A few disapproving glances turned into watching an entire “story” about Pauly Shore waiting for his car at the valet stand. Next thing you know I’m watching a hard hitting piece on Tori Spelling and that husband of hers waiting for their car at the valet stand. Before I knew it I was watching a full 22 minutes of C and D list celebrities waiting for their cars at valet stands. AND LOVING IT!
The more boring or mundane the activities these “celebs” were engaged in the more I wanted to watch. Look, there’s Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo drinking coffee. OH LOOK, it’s Seal walking through a parking lot not saying a word. What’s that you say, you have a 2 second clip of that guy from Scrubs going through airport security?!? Be still my beating heart!
If you have not seen the show (loser), the format is a bunch of TMZ gossip hounds sitting at their morning meeting pitching ideas to head TMZ guy and sippy cup lover Harvey Levin (FROM PEOPLE’S COURT). They hold up a piece of paper with a photo on it and say “I’ve got Hulk Hogan eating a sandwich at the mall and he looks really fat” followed by a clip of Hulk Hogan eating a sandwich at the mall while looking fat. THAT’S THE ENTIRE SHOW and I fucking love it!
To get to my point, one of the main TMZ gossip guys who appears on the show every day is this surfer dude with long blond hair. He’s kind of the star of the “morning meeting” and usually gets the most screen time. Apparently he even has a name, Max Hodges. The weird thing is Max, who reports on celebrities, is starting to think he IS a celebrity. I guess he kind of is in a weird way. The point is, he’s starting to act like a douchebag and he’s wrecking my little TMZ utopia.
I just realized how long this post is and how few of you care. Burn your books and watch more TV!
These guys follow every move Max Hodges makes.