Jan 22 2009

Human statues and the people who love them!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks

human statues

Standing still on a street corner is not a job so please stop giving these people a paycheck (AKA change in their buckets). It doesn’t matter if they are posing as a Roman statue or a silver robot, fight the urge to gawk with your tongue out at these lifeless turds. Are we really so easily amused that watching a person stand is entertainment? Entertainment that deserves payment?!?

These people are the worst human beings on the planet. I would rather have 8 more years of George Bush than see another asshole painted white just standing there seeking praise as if they actually hand-chiseled a statue. Hey out of work actor, you didn’t do shit so stop pointing to your bucket with your robot finger.

I take it back, there is one group of humans worse than these buttholes and they are the tourists who stand there staring and grinning like a dog about to go for a ride in the car. They practically orgasm when the frozen robot man decides to finally move his arm in a roboty way. They take photos and investigate closely because “dang it Brenda, don’t he look real?”

I wish I was a pigeon so I could add one more layer of realism to their little statue game.

Be Sociable, Share!

27 comments so far

27 comments to “Human statues and the people who love them!”

  1. F***'emon 22 Jan 2009 at 4:37 am

    YES! more power to you for that comment.
    I am not one to ever leave comment on blogs, but this form of human prostitution (for lack of a better word, after all they do seem to do ANYTHING for cash) has been driving me nuts for YEARS. So thanks for making me feel less alone and insignificant in my silent revolt against this crime on human intelligence.

  2. Peteon 22 Jan 2009 at 7:38 am

    I’ve got to disagree, if only to cite the example of awesomeness that is the Rocky statue in front of the art museum in Philadephia. When I attended a work conference in Philly two years ago, it was the first thing I sought out. All other statues on the planet can be melted down

  3. Peteon 22 Jan 2009 at 8:25 am

    Wait, you mean, people POSE as statues? Nevermind what I said before. Those people ARE retarded

  4. Saraon 22 Jan 2009 at 8:55 am

    AHahahahaha Pete, I mean I made that mistake at first to but I didnt post about it.

    And yes, our Rocky statue was awesome. Philly has alot of awesome statues We have a whole block that looks like a checker board full of giant game pieces. A big sorry piece, a giant domino ect.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:17 am

    Sara and Pete – I’m a little concerned this means nobody actually READS the blog. I mean the title clearly says HUMAN statues and then I go on for three paragraphs about them. Is everyone just looking at the photos? Do I need to stop forcing myself to write this crap every night? I’m having a small metal breakdown here people!

  6. Yours Trulyon 22 Jan 2009 at 9:42 am

    @ YJMML:
    “I’m having a small metal breakdown here people!”

    “Small Metal Breakdown” would be an awesome name for a band.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:50 am

    FUCK, I’m an idiot. For the record I wrote that comment while in bed half asleep on my iphone. I deserve to be made fun of.

    If I put myself on my own list with the universe collapse?

  8. SanFranon 22 Jan 2009 at 10:25 am

    Dude.. yeah, these people do suck… I enjoy seeing them walking around, defeated, in their stupid outfit and smeared paint.

    I also enjoy just stepping up, snapping a photo, and smiling smugly before walking away. They HATE that… because, you know, I owe them for taking their picture according to their rule book. Last I checked, they owe ME for taking their picture…

    Get a job, statue people!

  9. deadlytoqueon 22 Jan 2009 at 10:32 am

    The WORST, the absolute WORST human statues are the ones who do the “King Tut” thing. My girlfriend and I were in Italy in September-October, and those bastards were EVERYWHERE! http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1264/626699565_1a23cc8663.jpg?v=0 there’s a stolen pic. They cover themselves in some kind of stretchy cloth AND A MASK and then stand still. So, you can’t see their bodies, or their faces, so they aren’t even working as hard as the normal ones!

    Now, I would like to differentiate the human statues from the Robot Elvises (and Robot Charlie Chaplins). While the outward appearance may be the same, REs and RCCs actually dance and perform if you give them money, and can put on some great shows.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jan 2009 at 10:36 am

    “they aren’t even working as hard as the normal ones!” – hilarious!

    Robot Elvis? Where does one see such a thing?

  11. deadlytoqueon 22 Jan 2009 at 10:46 am

    I’m not sure if he’s still there, but when I was at law school in Toronto, there was always one at the Queen Street entrance to the Eaton Centre/Queen St. Station.

    Here’s a video taken by an idiot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2thsfAW-F0

  12. deadlytoqueon 22 Jan 2009 at 10:48 am

    Sorry for any duplication of my comments. Your site isn’t letting me see if I’ve successfully posted or not.

  13. deadlytoqueon 22 Jan 2009 at 10:50 am

    I’m not sure if he’s still there, but when I was at law school in Toronto, there was always one at the Queen Street entrance to the Eaton Centre/Queen St. Station.

  14. Xinaon 22 Jan 2009 at 11:43 am

    Now let me start by saying that I have mad respect for anyone that can do the robot. It’s a dance that I find myself transfixed by that I just can’t do. Sadly, whenever I attempt to do the robot someone will invariably shove a spoon in my mouth because they think I’m having a seizure. It’s uncomfortable, but I never have to buy spoons so that’s a plus.

    Second, I want to state that human statues scare the hell out of me. No reason for my unnatural fear, they’re just creepy. And I always imagine if someone has this kind of time on their hands then it’s only a small step to breaking into my house while I’m at work and standing in my living room, waiting for me. I’m freaking myself out right now!

  15. JDubon 22 Jan 2009 at 12:06 pm

    “I would rather have 8 more years of George Bush…”

    Take that back!

  16. SanFranon 22 Jan 2009 at 12:13 pm

    Xina: yeah, they are freaky for sure… not unlike clowns… The trouble with clowns though, is they typically have access to children. Uggh.

    You just have to wonder what the psychology behind it is.

    JDub: good call – Mister List needs to take that shit back, STAT!


  17. Peteon 22 Jan 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Oh, I read your articles FO SHO…it’s just that I’ve never heard of this phenomenon, and looking at the photo, those dweebs really do look like statues. I had to reread the stuff about “humans” getting paychecks to dress up and do this, and others posing for photos with them

  18. Yours Trulyon 22 Jan 2009 at 1:44 pm

    @ JDub & SanFran: yes, Bush is bad. Let’s all take our mind off Bush by watching this video about Obama’s Japanese twin (scroll down to “Obama the Magician”): http://brog.engrish.com/

    “Change the America!”

  19. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:06 pm

    SanFran / JDub – I am sorry for the Bush remark, I was just feeling emotional about human statues when I said that. Forgive me.

    Yours – WOW! Thanks?

  20. hodanon 22 Jan 2009 at 3:34 pm

    i just can’t get over the fact that,that senior citizen is wearing skinny jeans, this warrant for a major WTF!

    anyways, human statues are awful especially when they move to scare the hell out of a curious 5 year-old.

  21. Bobcatson 23 Jan 2009 at 9:52 pm

    I can’t lie, when I saw one of these people at the mall I was thoroughly entertained.

  22. You Just Made My List!on 23 Jan 2009 at 10:15 pm

    Bobcats – you need to start lying about that.

  23. Patrickon 07 Feb 2009 at 2:36 am

    Wait a second here, I don’t think you’ve all recognized the big picture. Pete here seems to think the only example of a good statue in history is the statue of Rocky. Fuck you Michaelangelo’s David! Eat shit Venus de Milo!

  24. systaton 03 Sep 2009 at 1:23 pm

    Get a real job.
    I get angry every time when I see how they stand lifelessly still.

  25. CAon 24 Jun 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Living statues have been around for a while as a respected art form since Ancient Greece. And throughout history, most of them have worked really hard at making nice costumes and applying detailed makeup.

    I think the reason you hate all statues is because 90% of the ones performing today are idiots who suck and not because the idea is without all merit. Basically, a bunch of amateurs with stupid acts and bad costumes have gone out trying to make some easy money, so it’s hard to find a gifted statue anymore.

    Just saying.

  26. "Gold Man"on 01 Nov 2010 at 4:19 am

    well im one of those “living statues” but similar to the robot type, i move about in slow motion in mime style, interacting, making scenes and leaving people smiling, laughing etc.

    oh and get a real job people say, well i only need to do one day on the street doing this well and that covers rent and food for the week mostly, and being a circus performing student, this helps. i would like to see people pick on me for traveling around the world, paying my way as i go doing this as street art, rather than working behind a checkout counter at the supermarket for 15 years before being able to do it.

    i agree that just standing there expecting money is lame….earn it i say, and i do…on photos, yer it get anoying at times, but who cares, its a free country, if im in public, they can take a picture with no issue to them, the trick is to make them pay to have you pose with them/for them etc.

    on the Hollywood work of fame, those “costumed characters” all hustling for a photo with you for money….thats sad, ill try and find something on the net of them.

    anyhow, i got a good laugh out of thise blog, keep it up, good to know the minds of those people with arms crossed in the distance watching me, who i hence mirror and make a mockery of, which gets everyone happy, and hence gives me more money, so thank you for presence on the streets too 😛

    #Gold Man#

  27. streetpreformersFTWon 21 Sep 2011 at 6:51 pm

    jack ass