Jan 27 2009

Whatever the fuck this is!

Published by at 3:01 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Why?!?


Unfortunately my friend sent me a link to these “Talking Head Tables” yesterday and now I’m pretty sure our friendship is over. I don’t want to live in a world where this exists. I’m not kidding, one of us has to go. It’s me or the guy who makes his living dressed as a pile of shit.

I quit.

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25 comments so far

25 comments to “Whatever the fuck this is!”

  1. Kieron Mooreon 27 Jan 2009 at 4:07 am

    this man needs to have his balls snipped, the chance that there are little “potato head” arseholes running around sickens me

    I bet his parents dont even know he doesnt this for a living… he must tell them he works for the Tax office or is a parking warden so they are not to dissapointed in him

    he is a knobber !!!

  2. Jasonon 27 Jan 2009 at 6:19 am

    I wonder how much he gets paid for an “event”? I’m sure there are worse jobs but at the moment I can’t think of any. Who in the world contracts this assbag to “perform”? I’m not even sure that’s the right word for what he does. I’m with Kieron, if I’m this guy I tell people I’m a mortician or a men’s room attendant or a sanitation engineer or the general maintenance guy at the local pickel park. I tell them anything but the truth!

    I wonder if this guy has ever been punched in the face doing this thing?

  3. Jeffon 27 Jan 2009 at 6:20 am

    YJMML – mock away, but times are tough and you’d be surprised at what you will do to get by. I’m totally prepping myself for donning the brown uniform and delivering packages…

  4. Kieron Mooreon 27 Jan 2009 at 7:03 am

    ok fair enough… times are hard… but i get the feeling he wasnt ones whole are made to work in these kinda jobs

    People need stuff delivered… its a service

    people dont need arseholes with there head poking through a hole in the table, dressed like a shopping cart !

    have you looked at the link, he is in most of the pictures… he loves his job… thats what makes it worse !!!

  5. Kieron Mooreon 27 Jan 2009 at 7:04 am


  6. Peteon 27 Jan 2009 at 7:27 am

    If I saw that, I’d start punching the guy. Then I’d find the nearest bat-like object (a 2×4, barge pole, etc.) and start bludgeoning him

  7. kaotiksymphonyon 27 Jan 2009 at 8:08 am

    This is going to give me nightmares…seriously

  8. JDubon 27 Jan 2009 at 8:45 am

    creepiest. shit. ever.

  9. Mr. Kickers, Sr.on 27 Jan 2009 at 9:07 am

    That makes me sad, but I find the people in the photos even sadder. Who would hire this a*hole to make their wedding more classy? Who finds this funny or cute? Why does this send me into a blind rage? The fact that this guy came up with the idea AND then followed through by starting a business built around that idea is one thing, but the fact that there are people who encourage this guy and pay him for it proves we are marked for extinction. Human race, we hardly knew ye.

  10. Mr. Kickers, Sr.on 27 Jan 2009 at 9:12 am

    Ben Linus from “Lost” would make a great potato. If you look at the two pictures together you will notice some similarities in facial expression and head shape.

  11. guilty noodleson 27 Jan 2009 at 10:54 am

    Oh no, this post is depressing me. You’re right, Jeff. Times are tough. Be careful of the crazy ass mommy drivers out there. They’ll run you down without hesitation.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jan 2009 at 10:56 am

    Mr. Kickers – HA HA HA! (that’s extreme laughter)

    Maybe when Lost is canceled he can work as a table head. A celebrity table head! Do I smell a new business for us here?

  13. Yours Trulyon 27 Jan 2009 at 10:59 am

    I bet that “talking head table” guy gets all the girls. It probably happens like this:
    Girl: So what do you do for a living?
    D-Bag: Oh, I imitate vegetables for parties.
    Girl: ……..
    D-Bag: Seriously.
    Girl: CUMS!

    Somebody please ship these guys off to a remote island of cannibals.

  14. SanFranon 27 Jan 2009 at 11:34 am

    just.. ahh, wow. I think if I encountered this.. this.. whatever this is – I would go out and buy a food processor, come back to the table, and one by one, start feeding everything on the table into it, all while donning a demonic, vacant smirk…

  15. hodanon 27 Jan 2009 at 11:37 am

    lolz @ Yours Truly. But that guy looks likes like one of Parasite Hilton’s warts.

  16. Bobcatson 27 Jan 2009 at 12:12 pm

    This is too ridiculous to be a serious profession.

  17. RBoneon 27 Jan 2009 at 1:15 pm

    Wait – this is a real thing? dressing up as a vegetable and sticking your head through a table? As entertainment? I thought eating sushi off a naked lady was silly but at least you get to see some tits. Potato head guy is just asking for an ass-kicking.

  18. Bagel Benderon 27 Jan 2009 at 2:27 pm

    The “strolling tables” on their site are almost equally as wrong. badideas.com would be a more fitting domain name for their company.

  19. Mr. Kickers, Sr.on 27 Jan 2009 at 6:17 pm

    The best part I discovered is that for $50 more that guy will be totally naked under the table submerged in a bowl of the salad dressing of your choice.

  20. Xinaon 27 Jan 2009 at 7:18 pm

    Did you see the link on that Talking Table Head site for the Living Statues? Who is this “friend” of yours? They obviously don’t know you or read your posts. For shame!

  21. SanFranon 27 Jan 2009 at 8:58 pm

    I just logged in to see that one more time… now I’ve got piss shivers, and I don’t have to piss!

    It’s just wrong.

  22. MyOpinion...on 28 Jan 2009 at 1:01 am

    fuck… I hate everyone who is either enjoying themselves, or appears startled by the talking head in those pictures.

  23. Kieron Mooreon 28 Jan 2009 at 4:07 am

    the worst part is its a dangerous job too…. Just think if an Obese person was at the function / wedding. i have seen those people eat…they dont stop to look what they are putting in…. 10 seconds and it could be the end for this Douche

  24. Yubberson 29 Jan 2009 at 1:14 am

    Where do you find this creepy shit? I’m convinced that you spend aaalll too much time on the internet.

    You should get paid. Who pays you?

  25. You Just Made My List!on 29 Jan 2009 at 9:49 am

    Yubbers – I get paid when you jerks click on my ads and buy stuff (which rarely happens). I guess you can call this blog a labor of hate.