Feb 23 2009

People who don’t have the McDonalds menu memorized!

Published by at 3:00 am under Jerks


I’m back from vacation and ready to complain so let’s get started!

Imagine that it is early morning and you find yourself in line at an airport McDonalds. It is a slow moving line but one that offers a good view of the 5 things available on the menu. You don’t even bother glancing at the board though because even though you only eat at McDonalds 4 times a year you have their fart-inducing menu memorized. You probably even know the number of the meal deal you want. It’s all so easy and soon you will be pooping your McDonalds in a Mexican toilet. Life is good.

Now imagine standing in line behind some creepy guy on his way to a creepy Christian camp who is holding a creepy dirty pillow covered in his creepy head filth. Although the sight of this pillow is almost enough to make you second guess breakfast you stick with it because you have a 4 hour long flight to Mexico in a couple minutes. You are FINALLY the second person in line and only have to wait for shit pillow to order and move on. Surely pillow man will say something like “I’ll have a #4 with a medium orange juice” and be on his way to the most funnest Christian camp in the world!

What happens next baffles you though. When dirty pillow is ready to order he says, “um, do you have donuts?” Donuts? McDonuts? When told no he says, “Really, no donuts? Um, how about rolls? Bagels?” ROLLS? DONUTS?

I hate everyone who isn’t me.

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16 comments so far

16 comments to “People who don’t have the McDonalds menu memorized!”

  1. whiskeyjackon 23 Feb 2009 at 4:42 am

    Dear Lord! That means that man would eat donuts from McDonalds. I think I just sharted a little at the thought of a Micky Dees donut.

  2. Jeffon 23 Feb 2009 at 6:20 am

    Finding someone who doesn’t know the McDonald’s menu is an anthropologist’s wet dream. They should be taken immediately to a laboratory and hooked up to wires and shit.

  3. guilty noodleson 23 Feb 2009 at 7:56 am

    You should vacation more often.

  4. Peteon 23 Feb 2009 at 8:51 am

    That photo makes me want to put my own eyes out with a pencil. Thanks a lot.

  5. SanFranon 23 Feb 2009 at 9:59 am

    I’m with Pete… I didn’t really need to see that photo, not now, not ever.

    But, whatever, welcome back, fucker – Mexico, huh? I hope it sucked ass, especially after sharing a picture such as you did.

    Donuts at McDonalds, huh? That sounds awful. Last week, we stopped at In & Out Burger on our way back from Lake Tahoe (right before getting fucking rear-ended on the freeway by some no-insurance-having 18 year old in his Honda with fancy rims and fartcan exhaust, which caused my fucking milk shake to spill all over the center console) and there are people who are confused by their menu:


    Yeah, that’s really fucking confusing.

  6. Yours Trulyon 23 Feb 2009 at 10:22 am

    Why have ShitDonalds BEFORE the flight? You know you’re just going to have the McShits halfway through the four “hour hour” flight and stink up the whole cabin. Way to be considerate to the other passengers, dick.

  7. Xinaon 23 Feb 2009 at 12:49 pm

    I worked at Domino’s Pizza for years and years when I was younger. What always shocked me were people that took the time to call and then had NO IDEA what they, and the 70 million people that they were with, wanted. What does any pizza chain sell? Do you really need to question me twice about the topping selection? Did you not consider the fact that we would indeed need your address/credit card number/phone number to place your order? Why did you hit 0 on your phone to skip the specials when you now want to know what the specials are? Did I accidentally call you at home and ask if you want pizza? Perhaps that’s why you’re so unprepared to place your order.

    The moral of the story is that people are retarded. Fast food might have something to do with it.

    And I looked it up. Some McDonald’s DO sell donuts. Just like some Dunkin’ Donuts sell soup. Weird.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 23 Feb 2009 at 1:40 pm

    “Did I accidentally call you at home and ask if you want pizza?”


  9. Tommy Rocheon 23 Feb 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Wow you were on vacation in mexico last week? so was I, I was expecting to come home to get a whole week of rants to read but you had been away from your job as well. I went to jalisco, colima and michoacan

  10. You Just Made My List!on 23 Feb 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Tommy – I was in Puerto Vallarta which was kind of a let down compared to other places I’ve been in Mexico. I still love Mexico though.

  11. Paul in Saint Paulon 23 Feb 2009 at 9:07 pm

    The Love Boat ALWAYS stopped at Puerto Vallarta, except for those special two-hour Alaskan cruises.

  12. T-Ravon 25 Feb 2009 at 10:22 am

    That photo is hilarious.Gross,but hilarious!

  13. medontcareon 31 Dec 2009 at 12:21 pm

    fuck McDonalds I don’t know what is in that cheap ass food, but 2 – 4 hours later, nothing but shit after shit after shit. They should sell McToilet paper at the same time with the number 2 all day long !

  14. emilyon 29 Jan 2010 at 9:55 pm

    thats just gross

  15. just_coincidentally_hereon 24 Sep 2011 at 12:41 am

    Is there nothing better to do than to blog about such an unspectacular and boring incident at MD?
    Not the guy asking for a donut at MD was retarted… (esp. as some do sell ’em).

    But I did what is even worse: First taking time to read this product of mental diarrhoea – and then even to comment on it. 🙂

    So now it’s your turn to fire back.

  16. You Just Made My List!on 24 Sep 2011 at 1:22 pm

    What’s more pathetic than me wasting my time writing about McDonalad’s, or “MD” as you so smoothly put it? Off the top of my head… someone getting so mad about it that they take the time write a comment about it? Yeah, probably that.