Feb 26 2009

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and the AXE effect!

mighty mighty bosstones

I was all set to write about something completely different today until a Mighty Mighty Bosstones song started playing at the gym. As soon as the disgusting, throaty, barf bag* vocals of Dicky Barrett entered my ears I instantly knew I would be changing today’s post. THEN out of nowhere some guy walked by bathed in AXE body spray. As I lay there on the floor like a fish out of water desperately trying to breathe while the Bosstones mocked me from the speakers above I realized this was the single worst moment of my life. It was as if all of my fears had become real. I began to cry, the kind of crying normally reserved for children. The kind that turns your breathing in to a series of violent convulsions. The crying along with the AXE that still hung in a thick cloud around me caused me to pass out. “Is this what they mean by the AXE effect?” I thought as the world turned dark and blurry.

I woke up in the hospital (which is where I’m writing this) with tubes and wires covering my body. The doctors told me my body had literally shut down from “an overwhelming amount of sucky shit.”

*I think I stole the “barf bag” description of Dicky Barrett’s vocal style from a review I read years ago.

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26 comments so far

26 comments to “The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and the AXE effect!”

  1. Xinaon 26 Feb 2009 at 4:51 am

    What kind of gym do you go to that the Bosstones and lying on the floor are both acceptable things?

    *Note to self: Avoid List Guy’s gym at all costs!*

  2. Peteon 26 Feb 2009 at 7:55 am

    Aren’t the bosstones one of those ska / horn bands? That’s pretty gay. And why is some dude walking into the gym all scented up? Was he hoping to pick up some other dude to shower with? Or does your gym have chicks? Either way, that’s so Chachi and his parents failed him.

    Don’t get me wrong–horns can be good. Like the band Chicago. I like them. They don’t try to be anything they’re not. But look at that dude up above. He’s got like, leather bracelets and stuff, but otherwise he looks like a congressman and he sings like he’s choking. On a penis.

  3. DickyBon 26 Feb 2009 at 10:02 am

    This is the best post ever. I can’t believe how accurate this is.

    Funny story about axe: I was in a grocery store the other day and they had a display for axe set up. Axe shower gel, shampoo, hair gel, spray and deoderant… and on the very last shelf, a huge stack of redbull. How appropriate.

  4. Yours Trulyon 26 Feb 2009 at 11:00 am

    This may come as no surprise to some, but many teenagers routinely bathe in Axe. It’s a convenient way to avoid having an actual shower. And have all the attractive musk of a brothel.

  5. SanFranon 26 Feb 2009 at 11:03 am

    The last time I listened to the Bosstones, I got pulled over for speeding. That was in 1995. I think I was trying to get away from the music. They are still producing stuff? That’s unfortunate.

    I’m with Pete, Ska is like a cheesegrater to the ears.

    Reminds me of a photo I took last year – I always take pictures of signs out of context… this one said “No skating”, but some cropping and viola!

    http://flickr.com/photos/gregfulcher/2491562154/

  6. RBoneon 26 Feb 2009 at 11:57 am

    I actually like the smell of Axe’s “Snake Peel” soap. It’s like a cactus. Sue me.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 26 Feb 2009 at 1:02 pm

    Does Snake Peel smell like a cactus or feel like a cactus?

    I am suing you actually, I just made arrangements with my lawyer. You just made my arrangements!

  8. Christineon 26 Feb 2009 at 2:39 pm

    Axe body spray: the bane of my existence! You think one dude in a gym wearing it is bad? Try teaching freshman composition on a regular basis. All the frat kids are swimming in it.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 26 Feb 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Christine – That’s funny because all of my teacher friends say the the same thing. I guess when the kids fill the halls in the morning the AXE effect is OVERWHELMING!

    You can’t really blame these kids though because according to the commercials all you have to do is spray a little on and every girl in a one mile radius is going to get naked and start humping you right there on the floor of the 7-11!

  10. hodanon 26 Feb 2009 at 4:12 pm

    *sighs* am i musically challenged for googling who the Bosstones are?

    BTW, axe,tag, vomit or whatever those spray-on things are called,all smell like death. no man should ever use it.

  11. Christineon 26 Feb 2009 at 4:45 pm

    Yes. Speaking as a former teenage girl, nothing is sexier than a guy covered in AXE body spray, who hasn’t bathed in three days, and who is wearing smelly flip-flops with un-pedicured feet. I so want to fuck you with your awesome dime-store cologne, ass.

  12. hodanon 26 Feb 2009 at 5:05 pm

    lol aww Christine, i think you might be related to my next door neighbor.

  13. Christineon 26 Feb 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Get off my lawn, with your crazy flip-flops, you!

  14. rxon 26 Feb 2009 at 9:19 pm

    i really hope you didn’t know the mighty mighty suckstones’ singer’s name before you wrote this post…

  15. Mr. Kickers, Sr.on 26 Feb 2009 at 9:38 pm

    I am also a teacher. I have a “No Axe Body Spray” policy in my class rules. I have trained my female students to start shunning any male student who wears it. My students are too young to remember The Might Mighty Bosstones. I had forgotten them until this post…”Knock on Wood” – wasn’t it? Brilliant. Thank you for bringing that back. This will go nicely with the Sugar Ray song “I Just Wanna Fly” that I heard at Kohl’s earlier whilst shopping for frumpy, ill-fitting teacher clothes. I have to go stick my head in an oven…

  16. rachelon 26 Feb 2009 at 11:38 pm

    AXE is the new DRAKKAR. so be it.

  17. munchieson 27 Feb 2009 at 12:00 am

    hodan – I am convinced that you do, in fact, live under a rock. What kind of music do you listen to?

    I was about 13 when the Mighty Mighty Bosstones were popular, they performed in a club in the movie Clueless. Good times.

  18. Frank Grimeson 07 Dec 2010 at 12:57 am

    The Mighty Mighty Bosstones are a great and wonderful band with challenging and fresh musical offerings. Your entry stunk and was not funny. Everyone who agreed with you must suffer from a venereal disease that has spread to their brains. I will think of you and this site when I vomit into the toilet. 0 stars.

  19. You Just Made My List!on 07 Dec 2010 at 7:54 am

    Grimey – I agree, their music is very challenging to listen to.

  20. Frank Grimeson 07 Dec 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Oh dear, more bowel-clenching blog efforts from the webmaster. This is a nightmare. This is worse than Vietnam. I dig your blog though fella, it’s a comedy goldmine checking out all those photoshopped pictures of folks pooping their pants. GREAT JOB

  21. You Just Made My List!on 07 Dec 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Grimey – I totally agree, my poo drawing skills are incredible. Thanks for being such a huge fan of everything I do!

  22. Mike Fedon 08 Jan 2012 at 8:14 pm

    One of the very few posts I disagree with.

    Bosstones were a good band..
    Maybe its because I was younger when their music came out.
    I hate A LOT of ska music.

    But the Bosstones werent that bad.

  23. line25on 02 Aug 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I agree with grimes too. The mighty mighty bosstones are a great band. The voice of Dicky Barret and the creativity of the whole band is amazing. And you can tell when they are playing together that these guys really enjoy sharing their music with other people. A lot of artists of today are formatted and commercial oriented and don’t deserve the fame.

  24. Dicky Barretton 28 Jan 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Hey, I like the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

  25. OPisPhagon 24 May 2014 at 3:46 am

    Just keep this in mind. The Bosstones’ worst song has more views than every post on your whole shitty website combined. Cheers!

  26. You Just Made My List!on 24 May 2014 at 4:07 am

    Keep in mind Nickelback has more hits than the Bosstones so therefore, by your logic, they are a better band. See how dumb you are? So very very dumb.

    Keep on skankin’!