Mar 31 2009

McMansions!

Published by at 3:05 am under Jerks

mcmansion

Is it just me or does it seem like a porno or a drug deal gone bad could break out at any moment in these places?

You can always spot a McMansion from a mile away thanks to the “grand” entrance they ALL have. I wonder what it must feel like to enter your home through such a fantastic portal. On one hand you must feel big and important because you are living the dream but at the same time you must also feel tiny standing next to your giant plastic pillars. Actually I would imagine the “rich “people who own these monstrosities usually just enter through their two car garage. Yeah you heard right, these titans of industry can park two cars, indoors!

The only good thing about McMansions is that you can be sure most of the douchebags who own them are currently losing their asses in this terrible economy. That’s something to be happy about, right?

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18 comments so far

18 comments to “McMansions!”

  1. jasonon 31 Mar 2009 at 5:57 am

    The pic looks like a gingerbread house.

  2. Saraon 31 Mar 2009 at 6:28 am

    Aaron Spellings “house” is for sale…..$150000000 (it looks cooler with no commas) Just for perspective it is larger then the White House

  3. CreatureofHabiton 31 Mar 2009 at 6:42 am

    Oh my god.

    I just scratched my own eyes out. Thanks for that Listy!

  4. guilty noodleson 31 Mar 2009 at 7:20 am

    My sitter’s husband is a contractor and also tears down the tiny homes to build the McMansions. They currently reside in one of his creations and it’s (gasp!) even more hideous than the photo you have up.

    And you’re right, they’re struggling and trying to unload the monstrosity. Then again, so are we.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:00 am

    Jason – It looks like a ginger-shit house.

  6. SanFranon 31 Mar 2009 at 9:51 am

    Ooooof, good call Listman…

    These places are so shoddily constructed, in ten years’ time, you can tour around and compare the sagging roof lines, cracked foundations and general decay. I would so much rather have a small, funky, fun house – one that is of reasonable size to properly maintain without handing over all my free time. I just don’t understand the allure.

    I was visiting some friends of friends outside of Atlanta over Xmas, and they had this “fancy” McMansion – it was over 5000 sq. ft. There were two of them, and they traveled a lot. We took a tour, and it almost seemed with a sense of pride the man of the house showed us all of the EMPTY FUCKING ROOMS. The basement, completely finished, but empty, save for a never-used exercise bike.
    The Third floor – completely unused.

    The killer is they even heat these empty spaces. Makes me mad mad MAD. The back yard… completely cemented over. There were even two lion statutes, made of cement, ‘guarding’ either side of the driveway.

    OK, I’m going to go tidy up our 1000 sq. ft. house now.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:02 am

    SanFran – I think it’s time for new friends. What porn movies are these friends in? I want to see what they look like.

  8. Reel2reelon 31 Mar 2009 at 10:18 am

    To really waste your money some builders let you build secret rooms and halls to hide your porn in, or your vicodin from the kids.

  9. mikeon 31 Mar 2009 at 10:21 am

    what an ugly shit house. Look! it has a round about driveway so if they want to throw a party you can drop off guests or even valet! what classy home owners!

    There is a row of these piece of shit houses near my cal du sac, this one jersey lookin’ beefy guido dude just moved in. I always see him doing things that involve taking his shirt off and puffin’ a cigar, like pruning his rose bushes and getting the mail.

  10. hodanon 31 Mar 2009 at 10:24 am

    does anybody watch that channel that always shows murders and how they get solved,ID? every time i tune in someone always ends up getting murdered in a ritzy place like this. i can imagine the sales pitch: the perfect place to get decapitated!

  11. Tommyon 31 Mar 2009 at 10:27 am

    wow listman, this McMansion term is something new to me. Thanks for diminishing my faltering IQ yet another useless point with this new information. Please educate me further.

  12. Mr.Hates-a-loton 31 Mar 2009 at 12:32 pm

    you know what i hate abou these giant homes? they often have balconies that are FAKE. that’s right, FAKE. i think a balcony would be pretty sweet, especially if it was part of a building that you owned, entirely! it would be very european. HOWEVER, most of these places do not have a FUNCTIONAL balcony. including the one in the picture! look closely! those are windows that lead to the balcony, not doors! sure, you could climb through the window, onto the balcony, but i would guarantee you that the owners of these houses DO NOT do that. bet on it.

  13. guilty noodleson 31 Mar 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Reel2reel – where might one find the kind of contractor you speak of?

  14. SanFranon 31 Mar 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Listman: Not my friends.. just friends of some friends… It was a ridiculous evening which left me feeling sad that the McMansion is (was?) the new manifestation of the american dream. More like American Nightmare.

  15. CreatureofHabiton 01 Apr 2009 at 7:21 am

    Additionally, it was another reason I LOVED Arrested Development. Those writers fucking nailed that entire spec-home industry!

  16. You Just Made My List!on 01 Apr 2009 at 8:13 am

    One of my favorite Arrested Development gags was the episode where the house kept falling apart. Now I have to go watch EVERY episode!

  17. CreatureofHabiton 01 Apr 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Yes – that’s exactly what I mean. Where George Michael and Michael have to move into the model home? LMAO. The railings and shit are just falling everywhere. So good. Fucking genius, really.

  18. shunhaon 03 Apr 2010 at 11:48 pm

    That house is nice. You are nuts or jealous.