Apr 07 2009

These ridiculously dumb commercials!

Published by at 3:05 am under Awesome!,Jerks,Sucky TV

Admittedly, this is sort of a cop-out post because I’m in the middle of a huge project and don’t have a ton of time for “blogging.” God damn I hate the term “blogging!” Even though this is a short post it is still brilliantly awesome and you should bow before me for finding the time to squeeze it out of my brain hole.

Here are two commercials that have been making me insane lately. One makes me insane with rage while the other practically gives me a boner from how awesomely awesome it is.

Let me start with the one I hate. I’m sure you have seen this commercial for “Rhythm Heaven” on the Nintendo DSi Featuring Beyonce. First of all, what the hell is the point of this game? As far as I can tell, the goal is to slowly become retarded. I hate when people call things retarded but in this case I literally think this game might make you retarded. Wait, is Beyonce actually retarded and I’m being incredibly insensitive?

If I’m ever having a bad day all I have to do is watch this commercial for finallyfast.com and the world seems beautiful again. Specifically the part with the video game kid! Oh sweet lord I love him! I fear him, but I love him. Seriously mom, get this kid a faster connection because he has a certain “shooting-up-the-high-school” vibe to him.

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18 comments so far

18 comments to “These ridiculously dumb commercials!”

  1. Christineon 07 Apr 2009 at 4:44 am

    The best thing about the video game kid is he seems to be about 25, which gives his complaining about the internet connection an extra disturbing vibe.

    Also, good to know that someone else watches the obscure, high-number, cable channels where this commercial runs.

  2. Saraon 07 Apr 2009 at 6:25 am

    Its commercials like this that make me miss TV. I didnt even have the sound on and I know exactly how these people sound. “Thanks You just made my list dot com!”

  3. justapersonon 07 Apr 2009 at 7:24 am

    ….the dumbing down of America, one commercial at a time.

  4. guilty noodleson 07 Apr 2009 at 8:45 am

    I was gonna say, where the hell do you find these commercials, but I guess I’m not as cool & hip as you guys.

    I hope to god that isn’t my son later in life. I don’t need a 25 yr old sitting on his ass playing video games and complaining to me.

  5. SanFranon 07 Apr 2009 at 9:12 am

    I love the PC’s blue screen of death appearing on the Mac…


    This service is for PC’s only…

    That’s it, I’m dumping my Mac so I can spend my time wondering why my PC is no longer fast.

  6. SanFranon 07 Apr 2009 at 9:15 am


    I just watched the first Nintendo DS one… what a piece of fucking shit that is. I hate those portable game systems more than say, cancer – just seeing one, let along hearing it, or watching that biznatch tap tap tappppppppp!!!!! makes me want to die in some meat processing plant accident.

  7. hodanon 07 Apr 2009 at 9:50 am

    and the academy goes to… Finallyfast.com! by far the worst acting in any commercial ever!!!!!!!

  8. rachelon 07 Apr 2009 at 9:54 am

    i hadn’t seen either one of these commercials. thanks for ruining my day, jerk.

  9. Blades runneron 07 Apr 2009 at 1:23 pm

    The word retarded has never been more appropriately used than when describing Beyonce in that DSi ad. Hadn’t seen Finallyfast either, a true gem. Could’ve been cut down to 30 seconds though.

  10. CreatureofHabiton 07 Apr 2009 at 4:30 pm

    You know what I love about listy? He unites us in our rage-induced hyperbole. Look at SanFran, he’s on the break of a nervous breakown and we get it!

    If I was a betting type, I’d guess most of us are either ***seemingly*** really laid back or ***seemingly*** super-nice. Lol. Listy, you’ve done it again!

  11. Tommyon 07 Apr 2009 at 5:04 pm

    I officially HAVE cancer from reading your website listy. Thanks for killing me.

  12. Paul in St. Paulon 07 Apr 2009 at 5:22 pm

    That toy BeyoncĂ© is so idiotically giggling at is a sad appeal to get girls more interested in technological fun: “Look girls, it doesn’t even make sense, you can giggle like a half-wit, and you’ll still be pretty and popular like BeyoncĂ©.” On the other hand, that finallyfast.com commercial is HOTT! I just wanted that overaged adolescent gameplayer to start shouting obscenities and pounding his fists until his mother came in with a cigarette in her mouth and ripped his ethernet out of the fucking machine. Also, I was hoping the businessman, who the make-up department really went to town on, could finally start streaming uninterrupted porn at the end. I’d close the entire ad with an icky wink from him, still accompanied by that unnerving pulsating, faster, faster, beat. Those are some minor changes I’d suggest. Thanks for finding commercials for those who’ve fled broadcast. I miss them so.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 07 Apr 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Paul – I totally forgot to mention that guy’s crazy makeup! He looks like he soaked his face in fresh adobe mud. Is there such a thing as “adobe mud?” I assume so.

    Sanfran – I was going to mention that the service is for PCs only but they show several Macs in the commercial but I think nobody would care. I was wrong.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 07 Apr 2009 at 5:43 pm

    Tommy – Sorry about your cancer, get well soon!

  15. Christineon 07 Apr 2009 at 6:33 pm

    I think I fall into the “seemingly super-nice” category, Creature-of-Habit.”. I’m funneling my work rage about other people’s stupidity onto this blog. Also, Guilty Noodles, if what you mean by “cool and hip” is watching Chiller-station marathons while I’m supposed to be telecommuting: guilty as charged .

  16. Captain Tacton 05 Dec 2010 at 12:25 pm

    my brother and I would mock the Finally Fast commercials when they first started to air. Our favorite part was the Fake Barack Obama giving a thumbs up.

  17. Ahksehl83on 01 Jul 2013 at 12:19 pm

    any commercial with a nigger in it is bad.

  18. You Just Made My List!on 01 Jul 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Ahksehl83 – What’s it like inside that toilet you call a brain? Idiot.