Jun 28 2008

People who don’t think global warming is real!

Published by at 10:39 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks

global warming

Hey kids, gather around, I want to tell you something. Santa Claus is going to die this summer. That’s right, Santa, Mrs. Claus, the elves, the reindeer, the people who take care of the reindeer, Santa’s accountant, his IT guy, their personal chef and the entire staff are all going to fucking drown. Santa’s workshop and home will rip apart and fall into the frigid waters. Tiny, bloated elf corpses will litter the water along with Timmy’s xbox, little Sarah’s Dora the Explorer Springtime Princess doll, Tommy’s Jeff Gordon NASCAR action figure and Susie’s “Baby Looks Sick.”

That’s right, for the first time in, I don’t know, EVER the North Pole might be ice-free this summer. Congratulations everyone, we did it!

Listen up jerks, scientists do not have a political agenda, at least the ones not hired by George Bush. They are obsessed with facts and verifiable data, it’s what these nerds live for and even though you kicked their sissy asses in high school these dorks are still trying to save your fat life you fatty.

The evidence is overwhelming that global warming is very real and very manmade so wipe the Cheeto dust off your face and wise up you big dummy. Ignoring science is like pouring boiling water on your arm and then proclaiming “the jury is out” on exactly why your Tasmanian Devil tattoo is starting to blister and melt.

Those of you who don’t think global warming is real have a permanent home on my list!

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5 comments so far

5 comments to “People who don’t think global warming is real!”

  1. Philon 30 Jun 2008 at 11:44 pm

    While I agree with you, I don’t even engage people in this argument. I have a feeling reality will ultimately decide who is correct. Damn those liberal scientists! The theory of evolution and now this! Hard core christian conservatives don’t even care about global warming because they take solace in the belief they are going to a better place. When it comes down to Man vs Nature, my money will go on Nature…and not just because I hate America.

  2. Creature of Habiton 10 Jul 2008 at 9:33 am

    I just shit myself sidways……..elf corpses………so good.

    Listen up kids! He speaks the truth! No more Sweet 16 Humvees for you!

  3. barfon 04 Nov 2010 at 12:47 am

    The world is doomed.

  4. Big Raguon 02 May 2011 at 1:53 am

    I don’t think people disagree that the earth may be in a period where it is getting warmer, but that it is not “man made”. And yes, there are plenty of scientists with a political agenda, especially those looking to get a grant. Not to mention all of the memos among scientist that revealed the falsified data used for their man made global warming argument.

    So in summary, over time the earth will get warmer and other times it will get colder. Humans can not affect it (even though Karl Rove has a weather machine).

    Guess what? Where I am sitting right now was covered under ice….about 20,000 years ago and it all melted away. Damn those cave men and their evil SUVs!!!

    By the way, very enjoyable website. Unfortunately I wanted to check on some of the first postings and ran into this post. So it’s a little less enjoyable, but still good. Thanks.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 02 May 2011 at 8:10 am

    Ragu – Cavemen didn’t drive SUVs, therefore man has nothing to do with current warming trends. Huh?

    I will never understand why some people refuse to believe even the most basic OVERWHELMING scientific proof that, since the industrial revolution, the temperature of our planet began to seriously spike.

    To be honest, I’m losing interest in mankind anyway and I’m tired of how dumb we are all becoming. I hate that as a society we have to be held back by all this simplistic political BULLSHIT. Honestly, we all deserve to fucking melt under the sun. We really do. We have our heads so far up the Kardashians giant assholes, that politicians and pundits can actually make us doubt science?!? The Earth is flat!

    Whatever, FUCK IT, right? Fuck science! Fuck facts! Fuck knowledge! Fuck details! Fuck nuance! Fuck your children’s futures! Fuck understanding! Fuck innovation! Fuck nature! Fuck bettering yourself and those around you! YEAH FUCK IT ALL because cavemen didn’t drive SUVs but still the ice age ended. Can you even, for one second, see how childish that reasoning is?

    Don’t be an “Earth is flat” person, it’s just embarrassing for you.