Apr 13 2009

Real World, the Real World/Road Rules Challenge and every single thing that Mtv shits out of their shit hole!

real world road rules challenge

I made the mistake of stopping on Mtv this afternoon while looking for something on TV to nap to. I love to nap to the vapid drone of the television. I just do. Did you know your brain is less active while watching TV than it is when you are sleeping? Well, my brain just about shut off to the point of forgetting to make my heart beat and my lungs breathe after I made the mistake of watching an hour of the new season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

In college (and maybe a little out of college) I used to casually watch The Real World. I didn’t technically enjoy it, but I watched enough to be able to tell you that Jay on the London cast loved mac and cheese and that Colin from the Hawaii cast was totally NOT into Amaya but made the mistake of making out with her, probably because he wanted to fondle her huge boobs, and she totally fell in love with him and wanted to snuggle and baby talk and make him kiss stuffed animals every night in his bunk bed but Colin was like rolling his eyes and feeling totally trapped but didn’t know how to get out of it. However I had to stop watching the Real World when A) I realized I was an adult and B) Mtv starting exclusively casting idiots with explosive rage disorder.*

The only thing worse than the obnoxious alcoholics that kick, scream and casually fuck their way around the overly-colorful Ikea catalog that is the Real World house is the same people coming back even more obnoxious and alcoholic-y year after pathetic year to compete** in the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. These people really have got to be the biggest collection of douchebags mankind has ever known.

In the same way that you are a shitty parent if you let your kids watch Bratz, you are an equally bad parent if you let your kids watch ANYTHING on Mtv. Unless you want your child to grow up thinking life is simply a series of ever-growing drunken, semi-nude tantrums, I suggest you keep their tiny brains far away from Mtv.

*I just made that up but I’m sure it’s real.
**Compete = fighting and fucking each other

ALSO…
Is this me? Is this what I have become?

I hate myself.

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Real World, the Real World/Road Rules Challenge and every single thing that Mtv shits out of their shit hole!”

  1. jasonon 13 Apr 2009 at 5:23 am

    I concur listy. I fucking hate the real world/road rules thing.

    Unfortunately I’m with a younger woman and she still watches this shit. This season’s Real World cast is the worst, most pathetic bunch of shits I’ve ever seen. The one shining light is the Iraq war veteran that has recently been re-activated and is unfortunately going back to Iraq.

    The rest of the cast is very typical. An african-american girl with issues, a lesbian now dating a guy, a transgendered girl, a dancer with issues of her own, a deeply religious virgin boy and a gay guy and the male model who brings girls home only to look at his portfolio. I can’t take much more. If my woman wasn’t hot and much younger than me, so she can change my diapers in a few years, I would totally leave her for forcing my to watch this shit.

  2. CreatureofHabiton 13 Apr 2009 at 7:10 am

    I like the challenges cuz then they beat the shit out of each other. It’s a dream come true. Love to hate them!

  3. Perryon 13 Apr 2009 at 7:13 am

    That’s precisely why I can’t watch reality TV. Every five minutes somebody is throwing a tantrum.

  4. SanFranon 13 Apr 2009 at 10:40 am

    I can’t recall the year, but it was right before the Boston Real World, when I was living in Boston… I was hired as a freelancer by MTV to help out with the casting calls. They were held at The Rack – this shitty little pool-hall nightclub place in Faneuil Hall the seemed to be a collect-all of College a-holes from New Jersey. Anyhow, the line, 4 people across, wrapped around the building, around the block, down another block, and where it went from there I have no clue.

    I was the front-line to the mob – responsible for keeping them in order, making sure they all had their paperwork in order, their headshots and all that.

    Basically, the way to the producers was through me – and as unruly as they were, I just yelled, through the bullhorn, that if any of ’em gave me or the police on detail any shit, they didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of getting on the show.

    They became the best-behaved group of shitheads in the history of the world!

    I was propositioned I don’t know how many times – blowjobs, sex, flashing of titties… they were all willing to do absolutely anything. These kids are crazy for the Real World and all-things-MTV. It was disturbing. Once it was narrowed down from the thousands to second-round interviews, it was better, and held at a fancy hotel and I actually got to talk to the kids at length – it was then that I felt “oh, man… if you’re picked, you’re fucked, for life. This reality TV thing is a blight…”

  5. SanFranon 13 Apr 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Not to hijack the topic, Listman, but did you hear the fucking Duggars are breeding again?

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/04/13/national/a071006D14.DTL&tsp=1

  6. You Just Made My List!on 13 Apr 2009 at 2:11 pm

    The Duggars need to have thier baby-makers removed and destroyed. I hate them.

  7. man crushon 13 Apr 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Are you still wildly and madly obsessed about Guy Fieri? Does he make you horny?

  8. You Just Made My List!on 13 Apr 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Man Crush – Not as obsessed as you apparently. Did I even mention him in this post?

  9. man crushon 13 Apr 2009 at 4:44 pm

    No you did not…I am proud of you! But don’t you think its time for you to drop to your knees and give tribute to the king of the Food Network? Maybe if you do…he will come

  10. You Just Made My List!on 13 Apr 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Man Crush – Did you mean “come” or “cum?” The only way to make Guy Fieri cum is to show him the movie Swingers.

  11. hodanon 13 Apr 2009 at 8:31 pm

    LOL man crush IS guy fieri.

    zac efron looks like post-op tranny or a really muscled dyke.

  12. SanFranon 13 Apr 2009 at 8:52 pm

    I guess I need to look up who Guy Fieri is..

    Did he invent the Fiero?

  13. CreatureofHabiton 14 Apr 2009 at 6:33 am

    ^^LMAO^^