Apr 14 2009

Alligator “wrestling!”

Published by at 3:08 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks

gator wrestling

Well, aren’t you just king of the fucking jungle? That’s right alligator, Brad owns your bitch ass just like he rules at medium level Guitar Hero and beer pong. That’s right, shut your pussy mouth, gator, Carol is in control now, just like she’s in charge of the motherfucking office lottery tickets every week. HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?

What kind of a pathetic turd do you have to be to take pleasure in fucking around with some poor animal in a misguided attempt to look tough? Are people going to see the photo on your fridge and think it was taken in the wild and you are not the douchebag they secretly always thought you were? I don’t care if it’s an ant or an alligator, if you enjoy tormenting another living creature you are a grade-A piece of shit.

My honest desire is for every jackass who poses for one of these photos to have their heads torn off by these awesome, prehistoric killing machines. I want to see them eaten whole and I want to be there when the gator poops out little scraps of J. Crew and, ironically, Crocs. I want their families to watch as a fed up alligator grabs Daddy by his fat face and drags him underwater leaving only his soiled denim shorts and NASCAR hat behind. Ahhhhh, let me take a moment to daydream about that a little longer…

These clips are like porn to me. Go get ’em gators!

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20 comments so far

20 comments to “Alligator “wrestling!””

  1. jasonon 14 Apr 2009 at 5:30 am

    These are some pretty funny vidoes. I wonder if you’ve seen the one from Asia where a guy gets his arm bitten off, that’s right BITTEN OFF, by a huge crocodile. He is doing a similarly stupid trick like the guy in the last video and the croc evidently decides to ad-lib his portion of the show. Very Funny.

    I agree animal exploition sucks, and wild animals should never be ‘part of the show’. Just ask Roy. Even if you’ve raised these animals from birth they are still wild and can and sometimes will try to eat you.

  2. Ben Droveron 14 Apr 2009 at 5:32 am

    Ha ha, I love people and I love gators & crocs. But I epscially love those people who get the chance to mess with an animal and “get the horns”
    I do not have any photos of myself giving a headlock to a gator-mainly because I’m not a jerkoff. I will however sit on a plastic gator and pose for photos all day…and really that’s all I need !

  3. CreatureofHabiton 14 Apr 2009 at 6:30 am

    This stuff makes me sick, truly. I hope these people get bitten to. Like that psycho who jumped into the polar bear exhibit in Germany.

    People are SO lucky I don’t posess magic powers.

  4. guilty noodleson 14 Apr 2009 at 7:22 am

    does anyone know why that woman jumped into the polar bear exhibit?

  5. You Just Made My List!on 14 Apr 2009 at 8:33 am

    Jason – “the croc evidently decides to ad-lib his portion of the show” funny! I need to see this video ASAP!

  6. jasonon 14 Apr 2009 at 8:40 am


    This not the one I was talking about but evidently nobody learns from other idiots besides me.

  7. jasonon 14 Apr 2009 at 8:46 am

    This is the one I mentioned earlier… too freakin funny!
    I too like the mess with the bull get the horns analogy.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 14 Apr 2009 at 8:59 am

    Jason is a wealth of gator attack information! I’m not one of those people who enjoys footage of people getting hit by trains or falling off buildings but I just can’t help but root for the animals in these scenarios. I mean what the fuck do you think is going to happen if you smack a gator repeatedly in the nose? Eventually he’s gonna get sick of your stupid ass and eat the shit out of you. I just hope they don’t kill the animal after these attacks. The animal is just just doing what nature intended.

    Humans are such a disappointment. I’m officially calling for all animals to attack and clear our sorry asses off the planet.

  9. SanFranon 14 Apr 2009 at 9:35 am

    Anybody see the interview with one of Roy Horn’s assistants when he was mauled by “his” tiger? She said [sic] “it was like a WILD ANIMAL attacked him or something!”

    Uhhh, well… yeah, a tiger is in fact a wild animal, ma’am.

    They all deserve what they get. You fuck with the natural world, you get fucked.

    I’m still laughing about the crocs reference… Brilliant!

  10. Saraon 14 Apr 2009 at 10:33 am

    Ewwww I think I would rather bleed outwardly then have that filthy joe dirt hand compressing my open wound.

    A bunch of kids were shooting sling shots at a tiger in the San Fran Zoo and the tiger Jumped the fence and ate one of them, good deal it was Christmas day and no one was at the zoo….well except a bunch of dumb ass kids.

  11. hodanon 14 Apr 2009 at 10:44 am

    HA! you get what you deserve. i always root for the animals.

  12. Tommyon 14 Apr 2009 at 12:05 pm

    This reminds me. I’ve been meaning to eat some alligator.

  13. jasonon 14 Apr 2009 at 12:13 pm

    Unfortunately the crocodile casually enjoying the ‘order of wing’ in the first picture was destroyed just after the picture was taken. Not sure about the second story though.

    I am an environmental specialist and am always up for a story where the ‘superior being’ man is trying to prove this awesomeness and the animals just don’t see it the same way.

    P.S. yjmml I also have video of a Whitetail Buck getting busy on a hunter that applied too much doe scent in an effort to attract the aforementioned buck. Guess what, IT WORKED! he attracted the buck.

  14. icecycle66on 14 Apr 2009 at 12:48 pm

    When I was growing up in Louisiana I used to go fishing with some older guys at Millers Lake (look it up on Google maps if you care). One weekend we weren’t catching any fish. The next weekend one of the old guys I was in the boat with jumped in the lake and started splashing all around, I didn’t know what the fuck was happening. Eventually we had an alligator tied to the boat and where going back to the dock.

    The old coon-ass jumped in the water and stabbed a fucking alligator to death. It wasn’t until later that I could understand enough for that event to blow my damn mind. The old guys name was Eugene. Apparently he thought the alligator wasn’t the reason we hadn’t been eating fresh fish lately, we ate the alligator instead.

  15. You Just Made My List!on 14 Apr 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Icecycle – OK, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you might not know that “coon” is an offensive term in most (all?) parts of the country. I really don’t want to sensor anyone but at the same time I felt I needed to mention that I do not endorse racist comments.

    HOWEVER, maybe in Louisiana calling someone a “coon-ass” is like saying “crazy old man.” I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to just call someone a racist without knowing.

  16. icecycle66on 14 Apr 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Hmm… I did kind of know that.

    However, urbandictionary has a great definitation and explanation of my phrase. And in this case the man to whom I refer would carry the title as an honorable informal title.

  17. rachelon 14 Apr 2009 at 4:21 pm

    one more reason that i am a vegetarian. i don’t want any bad animal karma.

  18. ninjaon 14 Apr 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Alligator meat is quite tasty…I watched Guy Fieri on TV and he was showcasing this place…I bet you can get a copy!

  19. You Just Made My List!on 14 Apr 2009 at 9:27 pm

    Rachel – Do you ever show your vegetables who’s boss?

  20. ButteryPaton 24 Apr 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Coonass isn’t a racial thing. It’s a cajun thing. White people are also referred to as coonasses, probably more often. No, there’s a big difference between “coon” and “coonass”.