Apr 21 2009

Saying “bless you!”

Published by at 3:00 am under Jerks

sneeze, bless you

I made the mistake of saying “bless you” to someone after she sneezed today. Little did I know this woman was going to spend the next 8 hours sneezing at her desk next to mine. I don’t even like saying “bless you” once! Why am I expressing sympathy for a person who simply sneezed? Is sneezing such a huge trauma that I need to call upon the Lord and savior? “Hey God, I know you are busy figuring out who will win the Super Bowl and who’s getting a Grammy next year but we have a bit of a situation down here in the graphics room. I don’t want to alarm you but this girl just sneezed and I’m going to need to put in an official blessing request. Thanks. I mean, amen.”

The problem today was once I said it that first time, I was locked into blessing this woman like an overworked Jesus all fucking day long. I blessed her exactly 4 times before deciding it was more than I could take. We were the only people in a VERY quiet office so each time I allowed an un-blessed sneeze to linger it was painful. Why? Why do I need to stress over YOUR sneezing? I am literally never saying “bless you” ever again. Get over it. So sayeth me.

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19 comments so far

19 comments to “Saying “bless you!””

  1. icecycle66on 21 Apr 2009 at 8:19 am

    I usually wait until someone else says “Bless you.”, then I follow up with a hearty “Damn you soul.”

    There is no good reason anybody should be blessed for performing an involuntary bodily function. Nobody gives me a nickel when I fart, I’m not wasting my limited blessing favors on your stupid sneeze.

  2. Reel2reelon 21 Apr 2009 at 9:14 am

    I hate being told bless you. Whats funny is most people actually say blesh you.

  3. Sundayon 21 Apr 2009 at 9:49 am

    This is kinda like opening the door for someone through a series of doors. You do it once, feel obligated to do it at the next door, and so on. Finally, you find an excuse to stop, like stopping to tie your shoe or fake a text message, so that you don’t have to open the door for the lazy ass again.

  4. RBoneon 21 Apr 2009 at 9:54 am

    When this situation arises, I at some point just say “ok, that’s all you get if you’re going to keep on like that.”

    i mean, what about her? being blessed over and over is annoying as well!

    or you could just switch it up. “Hail Satan” is a good one.

  5. SanFranon 21 Apr 2009 at 10:12 am

    I never say “bless you”… that’s my policy – being a non-believer sorts makes saying “bless you” completely hypocritical.

    For a while, I would mutter “Less you”, which appeased me, and nobody every really caught on…

    Gesundheit does the trick now.

  6. CreatureofHabiton 21 Apr 2009 at 10:21 am

    I hate when people take it up a notch with “God bless You”. Really?

    I offer up bleshu. I like to think it’s just a made up thing.


  7. guilty noodleson 21 Apr 2009 at 12:43 pm

    Oh Creature, “God bless You” is the worst. It makes me want to blow a booger at the person.

    I also hate, “I’ll pray for you” or “God will take care of you.” I know it’s supposed to be a kind gesture, but I really, I find it appalling people just assume I believe the same God they do when in fact, I don’t believe in anything.

  8. guilty noodleson 21 Apr 2009 at 12:43 pm

    And Sunday, that was pretty good. I think I’ll try that next time. Pretend to text and let the door slam in some mom’s face.

  9. diggeron 21 Apr 2009 at 1:13 pm

    I say “bless you” for the first sneeze and “shut up” for any additional that follow.

  10. LiLon 21 Apr 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Are you familiar with the origin of the response “bless you?”‘of course it has a history, much like a lot of things we practice here in this great country, like flippig someone the bird, and wedding rings, and so on and so forth…
    I understand the meaning behind it, but must admit that it does get rather bothersome, and obligatory at times. But it’s soo funy when someone does sneeze, and NOONE says it, and there’s that awkward silence….
    haha, classic

  11. justapersonon 21 Apr 2009 at 3:24 pm

    ….yeah yeah I know the meaning, someone said it was to gaurd from the soul being stolen, just like pictures. But Im going to stick up for listy, it can get annoying when someone sneezes 15 times in a row.

  12. hodanon 21 Apr 2009 at 3:37 pm

    lighten the fuck up people. you don’t have to say bless you. you do know that right?

  13. SanFranon 21 Apr 2009 at 4:31 pm

    I’m tellin’ ya: Gesundheit is the überword in this situation.

    This way, those of us who are blissfully godless don’t have to worry about those “in the know” getting all pissed off.

  14. Everybody Hangs Raymondon 21 Apr 2009 at 6:34 pm

    I have a confession to make. I only say “bless you” to people I care about. The rest get met with silence.

    On the other hand, I try and stifle any sneezes I may have when I’m around these people, because I don’t want to be indebted, blessually.

  15. CreatureofHabiton 22 Apr 2009 at 10:29 am

    Gesundheit is too much work. 3 syllables and all….

    From now on, when someone sneezes I’m just going to roll my eyes and give a loud, audible sigh.

  16. casson 22 Apr 2009 at 10:31 am

    sneezing is one sixteenth of an orgasm. bless THAT:)

  17. LiLon 22 Apr 2009 at 11:23 am

    ahhh, that explains why I like doing it so much.

    also Person, in addition to the whole Soul Theory, when you sneeze, your body actually shuts down for that split second (heart stops beating).

    with or without someone’s obligatory blessings, I will continue to enjoy my near-orgasmic sneezes

  18. deadlytoqueon 22 Apr 2009 at 4:07 pm

    I never say bless you. Seems like hypocrisy, what with me being an atheist and all.

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