May 01 2009

Teen Cribs!

Published by at 3:02 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Sucky TV

Mtv teen cribs

This is one of those subjects that fills me with so much rage that I’m not convinced I can make it through without punching my computer in the face. It does not help that it’s past midnight and I am tired from drinking.

OK, I know you have seen, or at least heard of, Mtv’s Cribs. Well now they have a new version called “Teen Cribs” that makes me want to dig a hole and bury myself alive. You might think from the title that this program visits the homes of famous teenagers like the Jonas Brothers and shows how awesome they are and how bad you suck. Believe it or not, it’s actually much worse. Teen Cribs goes to the homes of rich families who happen to have teen children. Are you following me? These are just a bunch of random rich asshole teenagers! They are not famous and they have literally achieved nothing more than being lucky enough to fall out of the vagina of a rich woman.

Who the fucking fuck wants to watch some spoiled fuck with unruly hair take you on a tour of their parent’s mansion? No wonder this country is about to implode!

I hate everyone.

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25 comments so far

25 comments to “Teen Cribs!”

  1. jasonon 01 May 2009 at 5:19 am

    Since MTV no longer plays videos why do they insist on calling it M TV? Where is the M? Where did it go? Why was it replaced with shit? Shouldn’t MTV now be STV? This show sounds even more assinine than that damned Gotti Boys piece of funking shit. At least some member of that family killed someone to be famous. I’m going to begin a letter writing and lobby campaign to force MTV to change their name to STV. You know this started with My super sweet 16 right? I know the show cribs is sorta the lead but when execs saw that mindless kids will watch other zit poppers on tv because they are rich MTV execs had a brain fart. “What if we took rich kids and instead of just showing them on their birthdays, because we’ve played the shit outta that, and show where they live, because celebs are getting smart and don’t want to advertise how stupid they are with their money.”

  2. neishon 01 May 2009 at 6:28 am

    Teen Cribs is like My Sweet 16. You just watch it to sneer and laugh at the spoiled brats because you’re secretly jealous that your dad isn’t a millionaire or just doesn’t love you enough to buy you those things.

    I don’t hold anything against those kids, I hold it against MTV for thinking those douches need any more attention.

  3. rxon 01 May 2009 at 7:45 am


    did you see the daily show’s piece on sweden, when they send a reporter over to check out popstar robyn’s crib and they do it all mtv style but the apartment is simple and modest, albeit a beautiful space. the piece is “cut” when they discover her recycling station! bill o’reilly fears socialism is coming to america (HAH) but if a pitfall of socialism is a decline in spoiled adolescents with a false sense of entitlement (although sweden surely has its share of those too), socialism sounds kind of awesome!

  4. hodanon 01 May 2009 at 10:03 am

    Your best post ever! i saw my niece watching this trite and wanted to wring her little neck Homer Simpson-style.
    Thankfully i thought better of it and changed the channel.

  5. icecycle66on 01 May 2009 at 11:46 am

    it’s best to just remove the population segment who watches this from having acces to TV. For instance I keep my wife and 9 year old chained to the floor in my shed, but only whenever STV plays all day marathons of this crap.

  6. SanFranon 01 May 2009 at 2:15 pm

    Uggh – in High School, I was a “cellar dweller” in my house – I moved into the basement and set up shop there. We built the room out, framing/sheetrocking and all that – did it for cheap cheap cheap… Even had my own entrance, and a dark room, too. My friends and I would hang there all the time… we built a ping-pong table, had a dart board, and a fridge full of beer that my folks bought for us (with our money). That way, they knew where we were at most weekend nights and there was never any problem.

    By contrast, a few friends had some “rec-room” type places, be they in the basement, on the third floor, or in an outbuilding – and they were so nice, we were afraid to sit on the furniture, and their parents were ever-present.

    I’ll take the bargain-built spaces any day. We didn’t have the money or interest in anything exotic. There was college to save for.

    These mofo’s have no work ethic, and this incredible sense of entitlement. My parents were like, “OK, you want your own room? you build it…”

    One day, my hope is that parents will realize the disservice most of them are doing to their offspring by doting on them…

  7. guilty noodleson 01 May 2009 at 2:31 pm

    San Fran, I totally agree with you. I also think it’s just become the way to parent these days… I grew up working and had little money. If I wanted clean clothes, I had to launder them myself because my parents were slaving away 7 days a week. All my other friends had elevators and pools in their homes. I was lucky if I could scrounge up something to eat. As a result, I think I raise my kids differently. I have to admit, there are TOO many times where I catch myself giving my kids more than they want or need because I want them to have the childhood I never had. I just want them to be kids, but then I realize I’m spoiling them and that’s exactly where this whole “sense of entitlement” comes form. It’s really difficult to balance parenting. Too many parents don’t realize how far they’ve gotten in giving their kids whatever the hell they want.

    And San Fran, I think it’s awesome you not only built your own room, but a darkroom? That’s fucking fantastic.

  8. icecycle66on 01 May 2009 at 2:43 pm

    Guilty – can you let me know to bring a raft to get across your river of tears.

  9. Paul in St. Paulon 01 May 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Greg Brady had the ultimate teen crib in that attic. I’m just sorry Brady Bunch got canceled and we were cheated out of seeing what Marcia might have done with it when Greg went to college. I’m still dazzled by the exposed sink and all the hanging beads. Let’s see more homemade cribs like Greg’s attic and SanFran’s cellar.

  10. SanFranon 01 May 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Guilty Noodles: Yup – a darkroom – both my sister and I are photographers, and much time was spent in there, either developin’, or smokin’ pot…

    Paul: I would like to make it perfectly clear that at no time was a goat invited into my room. That was a strange episode, remember that?

  11. You Just Made My List!on 01 May 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Plus, Greg was on the brink of getting seriously groovy with Marcia in that attic.

    I used to make out with the TV when Marcia was on the screen (I’m not kidding).

  12. CreatureofHabiton 01 May 2009 at 3:27 pm

    LMAO @ Icy – I agree, and I’m going to take it up a notch. I think the population that participates in the making-of these shows as well as watches them needs to be removed from society. Because someday these little douchebags will be your Mayor or State Senator – that is really fucking scary. Remove them now.

  13. guilty noodleson 01 May 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Thank you for that Icy. You made my day.

  14. ButteryPaton 03 May 2009 at 1:16 am

    Well this sucks. I was happy in my oblivious universe, having no fucking idea what MTV has been doing since Carson Daly was on TRL. So you’ve ruined my day. I knew they sucked, but this? I suppose this show is meant to either inspire me to live vicariously through these douchebags, or like guiltynoodles and SanFran, it’s meant to reinforce just how much better I am than they are, and how my moral fiber is so much stronger. By the way…”rec” room? Sheetrock? You actually OWNED a washing machine? Rich assholes. 😉

  15. Tommyon 04 May 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Let’s stop kidding ourselves. Rich people are better than us and we all know it.

  16. jasonon 06 May 2009 at 5:32 am

    I agree Tommy. I read somewhere that a study was conducted and the overwhelming empirical evidence indicates that their shit actually does not stink!

  17. more informed than half you fuckers because I pay attentionon 21 Jul 2009 at 12:16 pm

    If you actually watched the episodes, all of them have the same theme about being “blessed” or lucky, none of them actually act entitled…it’s actually a nice change from regular cribs. Also nice to see families all participating in the show unlike with regular cribs where you just have these retarded celebrities who are left on their own at 15 with no parents in sight.

    I agree with the above comments though about the videos….it’s about time they change their name from MUSIC Television

  18. You Just Made My List!on 21 Jul 2009 at 12:31 pm

    More information blah blah blah – You are insane. Every time I have seen this show the kids act like spoiled, assholes. These shitheads don’t even know the meaning of the word “blessed.” They think god is blessing them by dropping jet skis and yachts from the sky? Fart. I said FART!


  19. LeerooyyJenkinson 22 Jul 2009 at 9:43 am

    These bastards make me want to go jihad on their asses. Jihad as in blow them up. Oops was that a threat? Maybe, but I’m just pissed that shit like this even comes on tv anymore. Bring back beavis and butthead motherfuckaasss

  20. Lisaon 18 Aug 2010 at 5:58 pm

    I know, I despise that show. Who gives a damn about what’s in their refrigirator? I remember times where TV was actually worth watching. By this show, they make you want to feel bad about yourself. Jerks

  21. Not_Seanon 21 Oct 2010 at 7:47 am

    I just had to sit through a episode of this COMPLETE SHIT ! ! !

    These fucking little runts are walking around there PARENTS house showing off, Come on ! ! I really wanna burn down the CEO of MTV’s house !

    I mean the kid on had the personality of a wet paper bag, and there was nothing special about him or his family in any way ! Nothing ! no flashy cars, no massive house, what is the point, does S TV now walk into random peoples house’s and just film,

    God dammit, Another episode just started, excuse me while I attack my TV with a Bat ! !

  22. You Just Made My List!on 21 Oct 2010 at 8:35 am

    MTV is ruining the world. I weep for our future.

  23. WhatTheFuckHappenedToAmerica?on 06 Dec 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Remember “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” with Robin Leech? That’s where all this shit started from.

  24. fuckoffon 30 Sep 2011 at 11:37 pm

    i am going to start back drinking. i dealt with all this bullshit much better then.

  25. aka kevinnon 07 Nov 2011 at 8:15 pm

    the only good thin STV has done is bring back bevus and buthead and a new show called goodvibes