Jun 05 2009

The hats worn by old white guys in bands!

Published by at 3:15 am under Crappy Music,Jerks,Why?!?

old guys in berets and kangol hats

I really could have just titled this post “The hats worn by Pearl Jam’s Jeff Ament” and been done with it, but I didn’t want to cheat you out of my hilarious musings.

What is it with old white guys in shitty bands and their love affair with backwards Kangol, berets and other random dumb hats? Obviously a high percentage of these turds (especially Jeff Ament) wear these silly things in a sad attempt to fool the audience* into thinking a wild mane of thick, luxurious hair is waiting to spring forth from its hat cage. Unfortunately we all know the truth.

I can almost forgive the bald guys, but what’s really upsetting are the guys who actually think they look “cool” and youthful because they are rocking a beret. I think in their minds it’s sort of like the cliche of the bookish secretary who needs only to let down her hair and remove her glasses to suddenly look like a porn star. These guys come home after a long casual Friday, pop on the T-shirt/blazer combo, carefully place the Kangol hat at just the right angle that says “whatever man, I’m just hangin'” and, ta-da, the transformation from working stiff to rock star is complete!

I really take comfort in being better than everyone.

*audience = 5 people from their office who had to attend because they have run out of excuses.

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “The hats worn by old white guys in bands!”

  1. Peteon 05 Jun 2009 at 6:47 am

    Only James Taylor and Tom Russell should be permitted to wear whatever hats they like. And Neil Peart from Rush can keep wearing those little African jobs if he wants. But that’s it.

  2. rxon 05 Jun 2009 at 7:35 am

    was it you who once ranted about Sam L. Jackson? i sort of feel like the old white dudes in hats fall into that same kind of douchebaggery, if you know what i mean.

    (as a sidenote, i should mention that one of my best friends used to be in a librarian and she fit the cliche to a T. hoo boy.)

  3. You Just Made My List!on 05 Jun 2009 at 8:44 am

    Pete – No.

    RX – I am not the Sam Jackson ranter. The Kangol works on him.

  4. Tommyon 05 Jun 2009 at 2:59 pm

    not such a great turnout today…suicide

  5. You Just Made My List!on 05 Jun 2009 at 3:43 pm

    Yeah, what’s the deal? You all a bunch of hat fans or something?

  6. rxon 05 Jun 2009 at 5:56 pm

    nah listy, sam jackson’s not cool. his kangol is not cool. the notion that he is cool needs to be killed. the man wears velour track suits for christ’s sake.

  7. cdbon 05 Jun 2009 at 8:47 pm

    Hey listy, this has nothing to do with hats but last week I was walking down Telegraph in Oakland and out of the corner of my eye I saw a dude in a suit walking on a treadmill with a paint brush in his hand. About 12 seconds later I realized that I just saw a live taping of Let’s Paint TV. Of course I turned around and watched it to the end. Fantastic. Thanks for introducing me to this phenomenon. Without you I would have just kept on walking. Long live yer dumb list.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 05 Jun 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Cdb – No way, that rules! I am very jealous but I’m glad my stupid list made a difference in this world. Long live my dumb list indeed!

  9. Tommy Rocheon 06 Jun 2009 at 2:31 pm

    One time I stepped on and proceeded to cough all over Samuel Jackson in a movie theater. No one will read this probably.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 07 Jun 2009 at 10:44 am

    “no one will read this?” Eat my farts, lots of people read my dumb blog. I’m the world’s greatest blogger!

  11. joeon 07 Jun 2009 at 12:05 pm

    actually, i’m the only one who reads it. i just have nothing better to do and post as different people to make you feel good. so give uncle joe some lovin, i have a candy in my pocket, but u gotta reach for it.

  12. daVibeon 24 Feb 2010 at 7:22 am

    what is the point of ripping on someone who really made it in his life? from what i see all YOU have is a little blog wit tiny posts and with some porn adsanse in it =\ so, how can you make fun of super successful people?

  13. You Just Made My List!on 24 Feb 2010 at 9:00 am

    daVibe – I really wish I knew what the fuck you are babbling about. I’m sorry that I made fun of all the “super successful people” wearing hats out there.

  14. […] lip pussies can be found on middle class beach hippies, jazzbos, ultimate frisbee enthusiasts and old white guys in blues bands. It’s a regular United Nations of douchery. The chin beard sends a “I’m not […]

  15. Kendallon 31 Oct 2010 at 12:21 am

    funny running across this..I was just studying up on Jeff Ament. Never been a fan really of Pearl Jam..casual listener at best..Like the Neil Peart drop, I grew up on Rush, but I recently joined a Pearl Jam tribute band and play bass. I was totally looking for one of those funky ass striped blue newsboy style hats Jeff was wearing circa TEN. …nowhere to be found…alas…. Kendall