Jun 17 2009

Your stupid honor student bumper sticker!

Published by at 3:24 am under Jerks,Why?!?

honor student bumper sticker

We get it, your kid is awesome. Your kid is the best at everything and the rest of us should pull to the right when we see you on the road so that you may pass unfettered. We should all bow our heads in shame, and if we are unlucky enough to be in the car with our own worthless children, we should look them right in their stupid eyes and say, “Why can’t you be more like that kid? You really do suck, do you know that? Now get that beef jerky out of your nose before I drive this minivan into the nearest lake.”

And guess what? I also don’t care that your Golden Retriever is smarter than that lady’s honor student. First of all, I doubt that is true, I mean how would you even test such a thing? Sure, your dog is smarter than my dumbass kid, but how can we know for sure that it’s smarter than an honor student at Ben Franklin Elementary? We simply can’t.

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10 comments so far

10 comments to “Your stupid honor student bumper sticker!”

  1. Great Oden's Ravenon 17 Jun 2009 at 10:18 am

    I agree. Something else I have never understood is what on Earth would posess someone to buy a brand new vehicle, like the one pictured, and put bumper stickers on it. On the PAINT for crap sake!! Oh and interestingly (or not) enough, the school in the stickers is right around the corner from my office. My exhusband used to work there. Whoa.

  2. Paul in St. Paulon 17 Jun 2009 at 10:29 am

    I have a lifelong distaste for bumper stickers inculcated by my parents, but I reserve special hatred for those stickers that advertise people’s children’s grades. I would be more impressed by showing off children winning eating contests, which continue to repulse and fascinate me. A 3.5 average or 27 hamburgers in 8 minutes? Which is really going to garner your attention? And my respect. As a public school teacher.

  3. Patrickon 17 Jun 2009 at 2:23 pm

    I as well, do not care for bumper stickers on my car. But I do sport one on my fridge.

    “My kid knocked up your honor student”

  4. SanFranon 17 Jun 2009 at 9:44 pm

    I just saw a good one the other day, Paul:

    “If you can read this… thank a teacher…”

    the rest of ’em mostly suck ass, and I’m certainly no fan of stickers. Although, years ago, I made one that said “Christians Kill, Too”, which was promptly scribbled over by a sharpie by someone.

    But these honor roll jobbies: fuck them. I don’t care. If someday we have kids, and they bring home some bumper sticker as such, I have no problem making my kid cry because I refuse to slap some such thing on my sure-to-be-sweet car.

  5. Munchieson 18 Jun 2009 at 12:42 am

    Also annoying are those g-d awful stick figure window decals that represent every member of the minivan owner’s family – including the pets. Those rank right up there with honor’s student bumperstickers, for me.

    Most bumperstickers, no matter what they actually say, clearly convey the message that the driver is a tool and deserves to be punched in the throat.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 18 Jun 2009 at 8:30 am

    Munchies – Yeah, those family things are ANNOYING! It took me a while to even figure out what they were for. People a dumb sheep.

  7. joeon 18 Jun 2009 at 12:08 pm

    i have a ribbon magnet that says support strippers. fuck breast cancer.

  8. SanFranon 18 Jun 2009 at 1:33 pm

    Years ago, when those stupid ribbon stickers were just getting into full swing, I stopped for fuel and was propositioned by the woman behind the counter to buy one. I politely declined, and she launched into a fucking tirade about how I wasn’t patriotic and blah blah blah. I wish I could remember my response. I was pissed.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 18 Jun 2009 at 2:15 pm

    I really REALLY hate “support the troops” ribbons. Putting a magnet on their car is about as much support most of those people had to offer. They didn’t stay informed and try to actually SUPPORT the troops, rather they thought they could slap a magnet on and that was enough. They couldn’t even commit to a sticker!

  10. hockeyguy99on 23 Jun 2009 at 10:32 pm

    Glad someone else thinks the same way I do. Nobody cares that your kid plays soccer or baseball or whatever. I was thinking about printing up some “Your Kid Sucks” bumper stickers.