Jun 29 2009

God, for killing Billy Mays!

Published by at 3:00 am under Jerks,Why?!?

Billy Mays

What the fuck?!? God is on a killing spree and for once in my life I am happy I’m NOT a famous. Assuming God likes to kill celebrities in 3’s, I guess we should be prepared to lose 2 more this week for a total of 6 in about a week! Who knows if he will even stop there, he might clear out all of Hollywood, which would be a disaster for this guy’s career. What did Billy Mays ever do to you, God? What is up your holy ass?

I loved Billy Mays, and I don’t mean that in a mocking way. For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with pitchmen (not the show, the profession). In college I even video taped my favorite infomercial (carnauba car wax) so I could watch it over and over. Yeah, I was THAT cool in college.

A good pitchman can literally hypnotize you into thinking you are an idiot for not already owning kitchen knives that can cut a car in half. Billy Mays was one of my all-time favorites and I’m sad we will no longer be treated to his trademark “Hi, Billy Mays here…” yelled at a volume loud enough to make your hair move a little. And the beard, fuck, I’m going to miss that beard.

UPDATE: God had a busy weekend but he found time to also kill Fred Travalena.

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9 comments so far

9 comments to “God, for killing Billy Mays!”

  1. RBoneon 29 Jun 2009 at 11:20 am

    That one is good. But try this one on for size. Same dudes i think:


  2. hodanon 29 Jun 2009 at 11:29 am

    well at least heaven is little cleaner now.

  3. joeon 29 Jun 2009 at 1:02 pm

    he’s in hell.

  4. Saraon 29 Jun 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Hodan, If heaven could be whiter Billy would know how

  5. hodanon 29 Jun 2009 at 1:32 pm

    @joe, then Hell is whole lot cleaner now.heaven already has the original Mr. Clean.

  6. Tommy Rocheon 29 Jun 2009 at 7:14 pm

    mr. clean used to send naked christmas card pictures to my girlfriend’s parents

  7. Yours Trulyon 29 Jun 2009 at 9:01 pm

    You’re next, Listy.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 29 Jun 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Seriously, why is everyone threatening to rape and/or kill me lately?

  9. Christineon 01 Jul 2009 at 2:48 pm

    And Karl Malden’s gone, apparently. Man, it’s a bad week to be a celebrity.