Jul 03 2009

People who think it’s patriotic to stick their dirty wang into American flag underwear!

Published by at 3:18 am under Jerks

I’m going to be extremely lazy (and lame) and re-post my 4th of July entry from last year. Why? 50% laziness and 50% because when I originally wrote this I had much less readers and I don’t want a single drop of my awesome thoughts to go to waste. So have a great holiday weekend and try to not blow your stupid fingers off with fireworks. Also, don’t be a total piece of shit and drive drunk. Wait, that sort of sounds like I’m implying if you DON’T drive drunk then you are a piece of shit. Just don’t drive drunk you dick.

amercian flag clothing Nothing shows lady America that you love her like wrapping your smelly pubes in her flag! Thanks for the freedom, now kiss my taint.

Am I wrong to assume that most people who actually walk around in American flag clothing are strongly against the desecration of old glory? Yet these same super-patriots don’t think twice about ripping apart the very flag they claim to hold so dear and jamming their fat, sweaty body parts into it. I think the flag would rather die a quick death from burning than spend the next 15 years pressed against your wiener.

I fully understand what the flag stands for and why people love and respect it. My grandfather fought in WWII and I can remember how upset it would make him to see the flag touch the ground, even if it was a small child letting his tiny flag touch the ground while scrambling for candy at a 4th of July parade. Not angry upset but more like the emotion you would feel if you saw someone accidentally knock your grandmother over and keep walking. It was genuinely heartbreaking to him.

The flag meant something VERY real to him and he was willing to die for it. I wonder how many people would be willing to die for their American flag flip flops? Isn’t it the same thing? What makes one object covered in stars and stripes different from the next? If some dirty hippie can’t burn the flag why can you literally get shit and piss on it while you walk around the state fair? Are you starting to see how smart I am yet? Did you notice my last 5 sentences ended with question marks? Does that make me a bad writer? Probably.

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8 comments so far

8 comments to “People who think it’s patriotic to stick their dirty wang into American flag underwear!”

  1. Saraon 03 Jul 2009 at 7:24 am

    Are you saying you only replace your underwear every 15 years? Or are you saying fat stupid americans only replace their underwear every 15 years?

    I once saw a lady at walmart with a tattoo of a kiss that was collored like the american flag. I dont get the symbolism, Is america suposed to kiss her fat saggy boobs? Cause I dont like the looks of that mole with the two hairs comming out. Ugh

  2. You Just Made My List!on 03 Jul 2009 at 8:19 am

    Sara – I am on about a 7 year schedule with my underwear. Hanes boxer briefs, if you must know. Now, keep in mind that I have several pairs and they are well maintained. You could eat off these suckers! I’m not sure why I chose 15 years. It was probably because I was being hilarious.

  3. Godon 03 Jul 2009 at 8:55 am

    I love stories with robots in them

  4. Joeon 03 Jul 2009 at 9:08 am

    Robot stories are better than other stories.

  5. Paul in St. Paulon 03 Jul 2009 at 9:19 am

    I’ve heard some people even sink to the depths of attaching Old Glory to running dogs for bemusement. Like something out of an old Iranian “Death to America” street protest. It’s even on video!

  6. hodanon 03 Jul 2009 at 11:30 am

    we don’t even have an American flag in our house… gosh we must be terrorists.

  7. Tommyon 03 Jul 2009 at 2:43 pm

    if the merican flag is…i have been out of the country so often on the 4th of july i must be a bad american

  8. Amandaon 03 Jul 2009 at 8:39 pm

    I could think of a lot more heartbreaking things other than if someone knocked my grandmother over and kept walking. She’s a total bitch. Oh and you know what, she definitely owns some old lady patriotic denim clothing. Just when I thought she couldn’t get any worse…