Jul 06 2009
Poetry slams!
FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFFFFFF!
The internet isn’t big enough for the number of times I want to say FUCK YOU to the world of slam poetry. Just the thought of these losers sends a chill through my body. What is the point of this bullshit and why ARE-THEY-ALWAYS-YELLING?
Yelling isn’t the only thing you can count on when watching these asswipes slam poetry into your face. You can also expect to see a lot of pseudo hip hop hand gestures. These bent wrists and mangled fingers do not only belong to black “poets” dressed all hip hoppy, oh no my friend, you will see plenty of overweight white chicks in Tina Fey glasses popping and locking like they are Flavor Flav at the BET Awards®.
And what is with that annoying cadence they all use? It’s hard to describe in print, but it goes something like this…
“yelling yelling yelling quickly yelling bullshit… quiet word… soft word… yelling more bullshit yelling bullshit bullshit bullshit… quiet word”
I can’t take anymore of this. Here, try to watch this without killing yourself.
This poem is titled “Seen Not Heard.” God, I wish.
All you wannabe slam poets out there need to throw in the towel because nobody rips spoken word a new asshole like motherfucking Precious Taft!
hmm.. that guy in the green shirt kinda reminds me of you.
No robuts?
Ahem.
“i am… A POET, THINKING-WONDROUS-THINGS-AND-YOU-SHOULD-BE… impressed, by the-way-I-move-with-my words… and how the sound of my voice SOUNDS LIKE A DRUM OF AWESOMENESS BEATING-IN-TUNE-WITH-THE-HEARTBEAT-OF… creativity…”
[wait for applause]
[wait for it]
[wait for it]
[waiting...]
Thank you for drawing attention to Stairway to Stardom, which unlike everyday poetry slams, was a quality variety program that upheld STANDARDS to its spoken word performances; case in point, Precious Taft, who not only knows how to deliver a line with feeling, but also how to dress for a reading. “That was beautiful, Precious” indeed.
i have to go home to hear this shit since there are no speakers on this fucking worthless computer I am working on and I can already tell I will hate these asswads becaue poetry is too beautiful for the disheveled
there is still something called poetry?! I thought that shit ended when people discovered electricity.
Hodan – Yeah, I must admit that I kind of hate all poetry. I know that makes me sound stupid but I honestly think 95% of poetry is a huge pile of bullshit.
i always confuse poetry and hallmark greeting cards.
Ahahaha! The first guy in the green shirt is honest to God, the Dane Cook of poetry! It was spot on!
Thank you, Listy, for opening my eyes to this horror.
I agree, Precious brings the drama like no other. Talks complete gibberish, but has a passion that can not be denied. Napalm the sky!
And Jeff comparing you to Peter Nevland is probably the biggest insult ever posted on a blog. I made it to 1:54 watching his video before I started screaming involuntarily. Might be the worst thing ever, thanks for bringing it to my attention. Should be used to help get information out of terrorists.
LA – I have begun to ignore Jeff. You know, like most people do.
LA – I spent the last 6 years trying to forget “Napalm the sky” so thanks for that.
Intelligence sucks doesn’t it? Henry Rollins would not approve of you sir, taking someones talent, their calling, and making a farce of it which just makes you look like a pubesent, hormone raging idiot, begging for friends.
Vicarious – Here’s a poem for you…
Vicarious
Vicarious
Vicarious
Your opinions are hilarious
Now please allow me to poop in your mouth
Good day to you sir!