Aug 10 2008
Please explain to me how it is possible for Criss Angel to have fans. PLEASE, I need to know. I can not sleep soundly knowing there are people who like this magical turd. I find it difficult to even have the will to live in a world that includes one Criss Angel fan. What is WRONG with you people?!? Even Carrot top is like “look at this fucking tool.”
I just had to take a shower because I accidentally looked at that photo for too long.
Let’s not even bother discussing this jerks Trent-Reznor-meets-Creed-meets-a-homeless-guy’s-butthole fashion sense. Can we all agree he looks like an asshole and move on to the important stuff? Good, thanks.
My main problem with Criss Angel is really more of a criticism of his fans and their willingness to be stupid. Magic only works if you are unable to figure out how a trick is done. However, to believe in the “magic” of Criss Angel you need to convince yourself the ability to edit video has not yet been invented.
I made the mistake of eating too much leftover pizza the other day and was rendered motionless on the couch unable to change the channel. The end result was me watching Criss Angel’s Spyglass Hotel building implosion “escape.” Are you fucking kidding me? Here’s the gist of the escape. Criss Angel is handcuffed by a fake cop to the balcony of a hotel that is about to be blown up. Angel has to escape the handcuffs and get to the roof where a helicopter awaits. To complicate matters all of the doors between the balcony and the roof have been padlocked by the pretend cop. Cameras have been placed throughout the hotel to show us his progress. He gets to the last door to the roof and blah blah blah he can’t get the lock open. As the building implodes the cameras just so happen to cut to static. Oh my god, no way, did I just witness Criss Angel’s death? Will the implosion company ever find work again after killing Criss Angel? Wait a minute, what’s this… thank God, Criss emerges on cue out of the rubble with all the acting skills of a 6th grader.
How did he do it? Like everything else he does, it was a combination of pre-taped video and extreme doucheness. I’m not going to go into a long explanation but for some reason Fox news did (see below).
Here’s the entire mess:
Fox News’ hard-hitting explanation of the escape:
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