Jul 01 2008
I hate that I even know who John Mayer is and I especially hate that I know at any given moment which Hollywood dipshit he’s dating. I just got the shivers.
Let’s start with Jennifer Aniston. OK first of all Rachel, you and Ross were ON A BREAK! You can’t hold the fact that he screwed that copy girl over his head forever. Hello?!? Ross is your soul mate! Listen Rachel, I understand your relationship has been a real roller coaster and it seems like you’re always stuck in second gear but if you want a future with Ross, I mean REALLY want it, then you are going to have to forgive him. Whose shoulder did you cry on after leaving Barry on your wedding day? What about when you were banging Paolo, did Ross hold it against you? How about when you were with Joey? Joey for Christ’s sake! Who’s name did Ross say at the altar during his wedding to Emily? He said Rachel. Rachel, it was always you.
OK Mayer, it’s your turn. First let me say you are a douche bag. I don’t actually know much about this guy and I’m trying to keep it that way HOWEVER it’s almost impossible not to not absorb useless information if you own a TV and have ever been on the internet. I don’t know if I have ever heard more than 2 John Mayer songs but that’s plenty thank you very much. I heard him butcher “Sweet Home Chicago” when Conan O’Brien did his show from Chicago. Side Note: Way to go Conan, you’re in Chicago, the Home of the Blues and fucking John Mayer is your choice to perform Sweet Home Chicago? Nice one idiot. Anyway, the second John Mayer song I heard was actually this morning on the radio. I thought it was some unearthed Stevie Ray Vaughn reject track but it turns out it was John Mayer doing his best SRV copy. He must have learned the blues while roaming the mean streets of the Berklee College of Music wondering where he’s going to score his next Jamba Juice fix.
I don’t even remember what I’m talking about anymore. Oh yeah, who gives a shit about John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston.
Johniston & Jennayer you just made my list!
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