Jul 20 2009

Chris Hansen!

Published by at 3:50 am under Jerks,Sucky TV

chris hansen to catch a predator

Has there ever been a bigger cock blocker than Chris Hansen? Sure, he always has a plate of cookies and cold tropical drinks at the ready, but other than that, this guy is a dick!

Actually, my real complaint with Chris Hansen is that pretentious, annoying way he talks. I actually start to root for the perverts at some point. Is there a chance he actually talks like this when the cameras are off? If so, is there a chance he has even one friend who isn’t deaf? Seriously, he’s creepier than almost every guy who walks in the door with a box of condoms and a 4-pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Hey perverts, here’s a little advice, if you go to meet a 14 year-old who you just chatted with online and the first thing he/she says when you walk in the door is “Hey, come on in and have a cookie and a margarita, I’ll be right back I just spilled something on my jacket,” just turn around and get the fuck out of there.

Remember, teen + cookies + frozen drinks = Chris Hansen!

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “Chris Hansen!”

  1. caseyon 20 Jul 2009 at 7:26 am

    why don’t you just take a seat over here

  2. Joeon 20 Jul 2009 at 9:03 am

    cant tell you how many times i’ve had to dip out of situations like that because he can’t hide worth a shit. i always park a block away and scope out their pads, i aint dumb.

  3. jasonon 20 Jul 2009 at 10:23 am

    Chris Hansen is creepy! Mark my words this pompous ass probably takes it in the can at donkey shows. Something will happen and his secret sex fetish will come out like Marv Albert’s. I don’t know that Chris likes to wear panty hose and bite women but there is something about him that makes me think of my safe word everytime I hear his voice.

  4. Joeon 20 Jul 2009 at 10:42 am

    bananabacon is my safe word. anyways, i dont really watch it, but i’ve seen it a couple times and i think the way he acts is perfect considering he makes pedos cry. “so you say you’re here to play catch with this 13 year old boy, how do you explain the bottle of lube?” roll tears. i wouldn’t hang out with him though, he seems too weird for me…

  5. hodanon 20 Jul 2009 at 10:51 am

    weak post listman. has Chris Hansen busted you?

  6. jasonon 20 Jul 2009 at 11:43 am

    I agree Joe. It is quite funny how the perspective pedo acts when he is caught! I favs are the ones where the decoy tells them to get undressed and then Hansen walks out and hands them something. Very very funny stuff. Still, something about the guy just screams out undercover freak every day of the week.

  7. jasonon 20 Jul 2009 at 11:55 am

    This is really for a topic a couple of days ago but I was not around then.
    Joe and Paul two words


  8. SanFranon 20 Jul 2009 at 1:13 pm

    Who the fuck is Chris Hanson? Never heard of him.

  9. Paul in Saint Paulon 20 Jul 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Jason and Joe, don’t you think Chris Hansen’s routine is wearing thin at this point? He should get chat transcripts that include more shocking acts that the American public doesn’t know about yet – and no, I’d never heard about the “Angry Dragon.” Tissue please.

    After introducing the new term, which the decoy could always plant in the online conversation, they could explain the sex act in the most polite but precise way possible, which would be a challenge for broadcast television, in order to induce even more shock and horror in the audience. Listman, don’t you want the voice of Chris Hansen telling America what an angry dragon, mushroom slap, and a donkey punch mean?

  10. Yours Trulyon 20 Jul 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I love watching those pedos get “Hansen’d”. It’s like watching someone get “punk’d”, except it’s actually funny.

    And it doesn’t have that douche Ashton Kutcher.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 20 Jul 2009 at 3:46 pm

    Paul – OK, you are right, I would love to hear Chris Hansen use his annoying voice to say “Sooooooo, the guuuuuuuy in baaaaaaaack punches the siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide of his partner’s head just as he ejaaaaaaaaaaaculates.”

    Hodan – Weak post? I’m sorry I am unable to PLEASE EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES! I don’t even LIKE blogging, so be happy I even have the energy to write anything, ever.

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  13. Bunnyon 04 Jul 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Awww he isn’t creepy, he’s sexy! He’s the sexiest reporter on tv ^_^

  14. You Just Made My List!on 04 Jul 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Bunny – I think I’m going to be sick.

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