Aug 12 2008

Tall Bikes and the smelly hippie turds who ride them!

Published by at 4:00 am under Jerks,Why?!?

You know how I know there is no God? Every time I see a dirty hippy on their tall bike I pray to God and baby Jesus they will fall. I don’t want them to get hurt (maybe a little) but I do desperately want them to tip over. This is the only thing I ever pray for and when I’m praying for it I’m praying hard. Here’s God’s chance to prove his existence but nothing ever happens. I’ll tell you this, if God is on the side of the tall bikers I don’t want any part of his lame ass.

Does your city have these assholes? Here’s an idea, spend a little more time in the shower and a little less time forcing two bikes to fuck each other for all of eternity. You already have a hilarious, ironic mustache, guy, how much more attention do you need? Are you really that desperate to be noticed? Is it because nobody ever goes to your drum circle even though you put like a million flyers up all over the place? These urban clowns are like the smelly, poor version of these jerks. “Look at me all the way up here. Love me. Think I’m different. Me and all these other tall bike guys are different, right?” These guys are really stickin’ it to the man with their outrageously tall bikes, if the man is a normal human being who showers more than once a month.

In summation, fuck off and quit hoggin’ all the bikes!

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “Tall Bikes and the smelly hippie turds who ride them!”

  1. Creature of Habiton 12 Aug 2008 at 8:38 am

    My town is covered in these assholes. There’s particular douche who has cobbled a child’s bouncy-horse to his tall bike as the seat. I really hate him.

    The thing I hate MOST about these jerks is they take to the streets en masse once a month and ride all over in a giant pack. Blocking the streets, flipping off the drivers, drinking while riding…. They call it “take back the night” or something equally dramatic that I like to think is generally reserved for vicitms of violent attacks.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 12 Aug 2008 at 10:00 am

    Isn’t it ironic that hippies can be so confrontational? They are like “be an individual as long as you are exactly like me.”

    These dicks are trying to make up for being invisible in high school. Could it be more obvious that they need attention? “PLEASE NOTICE ME, I’m riding 7 bikes at the same time!”

    BARF!

  3. you a doucheon 13 Aug 2008 at 1:44 pm

    Sounds more like your the one pining for attention by hating on every thing and having this crappy website. I am not saying i like hippies but at this point they seem like better people than you sir…

  4. You Just Made My List!on 13 Aug 2008 at 2:15 pm

    At least “you a douche” and I can agree on this point – hippies are the worst people in the world! Not even “you a douche” likes them and from what I can tell he likes everyone other than me and, as I mentioned, hippies.

    I do like attention “you a douche” and I guess I never really thought about this crappy website as a cry for help but you may be right. Do you really think it’s “crappy” though. I thought I had it looking pretty fucking slick. Do me a favor, take another look and let me know if you REALLY think it’s a bad site. Then, if you still hate it, maybe you could give some concrete ideas for making it better. Just calling it “crappy” does not tell me much.

    Thanks “you a douche!”

  5. you a doucheon 13 Aug 2008 at 7:53 pm

    yeah the site totally sucks the layout is poor and lame banner is also shite hopefully it did not take too much time to mek…

  6. You Just Made My List!on 13 Aug 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Thanks “you a douche” for the constructive criticism! That banner did take a long time to “mek” actually. I hired a design firm and spent over $10,000 on that thing. And now you’re telling me it sucks! Damn it “you a douche” where were you a few months ago!

  7. Mr. Kickers Sr.on 14 Aug 2008 at 1:21 am

    Ahhh, “you a douche”, we meet again! Obviously the research and marketing team “You Just Made My List” hired to get his website up and running missed your demographic: male idiot savants (ages 8-45) who occasionally take time out from chronic masturbation to pointlessly blog. What is this site missing for you? Muscle cars? American flags? Unicorns? Sexy, sexy ladies? Old people getting it on?

    However, I must admit, your posts do add something to the mix. Please keep contributing.

    Are you aware that Homeland Security probably just flagged your last post because you typed “Shite” instead of “Shit”? Or did you mean to imply the banner was somehow pro-Shite? I missed that.

    Perhaps you should set up your own site. I’m hooked…everything you write I love! It is fascinating. Not since the first chapter of Faulkner’s “The Sound and the Fury” have I experienced what it must be like to be taken into the mind of a retarded person. If you aren’t careful you just might win the Nobel Prize in Literature for your awesome blogs. Go get ’em, Tiger!

  8. Jenniferon 24 Aug 2009 at 11:02 am

    Oh dear god, that middle photo was taken in my hometown of Toronto. I am so embarrassed.

    By the way, I just discovered this blog and I’m reading all the older posts. Great job!!

    I hate hippies.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 24 Aug 2009 at 11:08 am

    Jennifer – Welcome. I love Toronto and won’t hold it against you. Hippies are ruining everything everywhere.

  10. Whateveron 22 Dec 2009 at 10:06 pm

    i used to want to be a hippy until i sadly discovered that not washing was worse for my own sense of smell than for everyone else’s…plus talking about moonbeams and wind messages went away every morning when i realized that i was sober, and still smelly, and jobless…hippy vans that keep trying desperately to be trendy are almost worse than these fucking bikes…volkswagon has come along way. On the bike topic, there are two klingon speaking tight jeans wearing purple adidas shoed queer stalker douches that ride by my work almost every day on those fucking 3 story pedal machines. Besides the fact that I am completely boggled how they get on and off of them without any kickstands, training wheels, or trick ladders is a whole other story, but what really gets me will be seeing their pimpled ejaculation covered faces when it finally fucking snows and they get pelted by snowballs “Elf”-style to the point that they topple into oncoming traffic(which shouldn’t be too much of a problem, because half the city has wet dreams every night of just saying fuck it and driving up on the sidewalk to cream these losers.)
    I am new to your website, and I have too much to say, hope you don’t mind me venting along side your vents.

  11. Larry Hereon 21 Jul 2010 at 12:55 am

    Hippies? What the fuck? You are confusing hipsters with hippies. These tall bike fools with the ironic mustaches have nothing to do with any iteration or generation of hippies that I know. And I know a lot of ’em. Just sayin.’ Btw, just discovered your site recently while googling Guy Fieri’s sunglasses and almost squirted when your post on him came up. Nice job! Long live comic blogs such as this. Now please explain how these bike douches are hippies. Thanks.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 21 Jul 2010 at 7:58 am

    Larry – True, these assholes are not hippies in the traditional sense, and yes they are hipsters, but I meant hippie as in dirty, smelly and annoying. Also, hippies may act mellow but they crave attention more than Lady Ga Ga does so I think of these tall bike dicks as hippies in a way. So to clear it up, I’m using hippie as a derogatory term, much like when you call someone a “douchebag” you are not actually calling them a feminine hygiene product.

  13. Youza Whiner!on 13 May 2011 at 5:27 pm

    You should love those “hippies” for giving you something to whine about. Do you think maybe they’re out there to prove some kind of point? Like, obnoxious bicyclists have the same rights as a-typical ones? Let them ride, I say! Irritate those who only have the testies to vent their true feelings on the web, amongst the safe facade search engines. But who’s to say on that? I, too, am vent on the other side of it all. My point is, fine sir, …get over yourself and find more positive aspects in life that you find appealing. Maybe it will help to fill that void in your life. Good day!

  14. You Just Made My List!on 13 May 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Youza – Go wash your dreadlocks and comb your ironic mustache. GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR!

  15. tall bike rideron 27 Feb 2014 at 7:08 pm

    haha! I enjoy all the banter over this tall bike thing. Classic! I build tall bikes, swing bikes etc. More than anything, it’s just a spare time hobby, but definitely nothing to take serious. I will say that riding one of these bikes is way more fun than conventional bikes.

    I’d just like to point out that I am not a hippie, a red neck or even a hipster, nor do I crave attention or think my bike makes me cooler than you. I just think it’s a more fun way to cruise to the beach.

    That said, wish me luck and hopefully I don’t fall when I see you…