Jul 27 2009

Kirk Cameron, bananas, peanut butter and intelligent design!

Published by at 3:33 am under Jerks

Can you believe there are still Americans who reject science? I can. Just look at the popularity of that fucking dolt, Sarah Palin! I’m trying to think of something funny to say about these ridiculous, religious morons, but nothing I write could ever be as funny as just letting them speak for themselves. Up is down, black is white and peanut butter is a perfectly reasonable metaphor for the planet Earth? Fuck me.

To call these people retarded would be an incredible insult to retarded people. These assholes actively choose to be stupid. They choose to ignore the overwhelming facts that disprove their childish theories. To say they stick their heads in the sand is an insult to sand. I’m not sure exactly why, but it just is. Get your dumb head out of my sand!

In this clip, Kirk Cameron and some douchebag present “the atheist’s nightmare,” the banana!!! Kirk sits there with his trademark vacant shit-eating grin while Mustache jerks off a banana and spews his 1st grade deductions. By the way fuck face, here’s God’s banana, what you are holding is a domesticated banana created by man! Idiots.

Proof that either God does not exist or he’s a shitty product designer. Get your head out of your ass, God!

If you are a fan of intelligent design, take a good look at one of your “scholars.” Imbecile.

My head is literally spinning from all these dimwits. This is the only thing that can make me feel better. This and about 15 beers.

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22 comments so far

22 comments to “Kirk Cameron, bananas, peanut butter and intelligent design!”

  1. jasonon 27 Jul 2009 at 5:36 am

    “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual”, that’s what I told my professor in college when he asked me. His follow up question was, “what the hell does that mean?”. To me it is fairly simple. I believe in God, and I believe to a certain extent in evolution. I do not participate in organized religion as I believe most of them have been contaminated by human greed and shittyness. Very few people go to church for the right reason. I don’t believe God created Adam and then Eve because genetics don’t work that way. If a population is reduced to two individuals that species will cease to exist. Isn’t it possible when God created man he/she used an existing design to fashion man from? I am pretty sure God makes at least some mistakes though. As evidence I submit George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh and LaToya Jackson. The list goes on but I will not burden you with a preponderance of evidence.

  2. jasonon 27 Jul 2009 at 5:46 am

    I just watched the Ali G video thing. That is freakin hilarious. Listy you find the best shit to put on here. You’re the greatest. Fo Sho and I gots mad Love for you man.

  3. Joeon 27 Jul 2009 at 8:07 am

    too bad videos are blocked here. dude of lists, maybe you’re the dumb one, god DID put dino fossils here to test our faith, if you don’t believe that, you’ll burn in hell. true story.

    oh and you need to clean your asshole before i touch it again, learn how to wipe or somethin.

  4. Saraon 27 Jul 2009 at 8:12 am

    Have you heard of the Creation Museum in Kentucky? I love their “Evolution Exhibit” Where they explaine
    “natural selection allows organisms to possess characteristics most favorable for a given environment—but it is not an example of evolution in the molecules-to-man sense”

    Note disclaimer at the end.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jul 2009 at 8:29 am

    For the record, in case anyone cares, I personally do not believe in God. However, I do not have a problem with believers as long as they do not shove those beliefs in everyone’s faces. I also believe that I could be totally wrong and that some form of a god does exist. I tend to think if there is a god, he/she/it might have created the universe (the big bang) and in the process created evolution. Why can’t some form of god exist in conjunction with provable hard science? The ridiculous man-made bible is what screws everything up with all its silly stories.

    p.s. I am right about everything always!

  6. Joeon 27 Jul 2009 at 9:12 am

    agnostic is the way to go

  7. Paul in Saint Paulon 27 Jul 2009 at 9:48 am

    Kirk Cameron and his friend look like they’re demonstrating the ease and beauty of the fellatio. He just stopped short of spitting on it.

    I’m going to try the monkey alternative to opening a banana right now. And I will not caress it like I’m about to suck it off like Mr. Mustache.

    The scientist and his peanut butter: over my head. I will say that I worked at a Lutheran Evangelical university with people who would buy into that line of argument. I always kept my mouth shut whenever it came up because they were truly intelligent people that I respected, but faithful to what I feel is a fault.

    And Ali G was right to redirect the unanswerable question of our existence to the empirically answerable question regarding the existence of that floater someone left in the toilet backstage. I tend to agree with his theory: it was the creationist.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jul 2009 at 9:52 am

    Paul – The banana trick works like a charm. I will ALWAYS open bananas this way for the rest of my miserable life.

  9. Joeon 27 Jul 2009 at 10:35 am

    WAIT! got the peanut butter one to work. are they saying that because peanut butter doesn’t evolve, evolution is bullshit? how do they expect peanut butter to better adapt to it’s usage? it sits in the jar, tastes fucking delicious with every thing, why would they want it to change, it’s already perfect, which means it doesn’t need to evolve.

  10. Tommyon 27 Jul 2009 at 2:07 pm

    My favorite thing about the peanut butter is that they make the worst argument I’ve ever heard and they say they proved something completely unrelated to their argument. That being they say that life doesn’t spontaneously generate itself therefore proving there is no such thing as evolution…what a dunce.

  11. XIXon 28 Jul 2009 at 6:20 pm

    “Evolution teaches that energy … plus matter can occasionally create life.”

    False. Evolution “teaches” that only under very specific chemical circumstances (which do not normally occur today) can life spontaneously arise.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 6:43 pm

    XIX – But what about peanut butter?

  13. Christineon 29 Jul 2009 at 11:34 am

    So there’s a God because some bananas have handles and slip-proof ridges? Did God also create the sleeve for the cup of coffee I bought this morning? Also, now explain the artichoke, the coconut, and all other hard-as-hell stuff to open and eat. Also olives. I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION FOR OLIVES, KIRK CAMERON!

  14. You Just Made My List!on 29 Jul 2009 at 11:37 am

    Christine – Or what about cancer? Oh, that’s probably the devil. Or maybe it’s part of God’s sadistic plan. Fart!

  15. Dub Pion 29 Jul 2009 at 12:13 pm

    Holy shit. Is this for real? How can one actually believe the false logic that evolution should take place inside a jar of peanut butter? The peanut butter video begins with a closeted homosexual who looks like he just stopped by his family-owned Chrysler dealership en route from a 1977 taping of the Price Is Right.

    Did God invent the skinny microphone? Yeah? WELL, COME ON DOWN!

    As an aside, I want more information on the evolutionary nature of that fucktard’s toupee.

  16. Jacobon 03 Aug 2009 at 3:52 pm

    If god’s ultimate masterpeice of food to humans is the bannana then he’s got one hell of a sense of humor. I’m not buying it until there’s a cute little animal running around that’s easy to catch and can be eaten much the same way…

  17. You Just Made My List!on 03 Aug 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Jacob – Hilarious. Yes, if there was a god, animals would have handles and would self cook themselves. Bacon would freely fly from pigs as they walked around.

  18. heinrichon 09 Aug 2009 at 1:39 pm

    God didn’t design the banana for mankind, he designed it for Kirk Camerons great-great-great uncle: The Baboon.

  19. Savannahon 12 Aug 2009 at 2:32 pm

    I just peed my pants. And I also just declared you as my god.

  20. You Just Made My List!on 12 Aug 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Savannah – I.O.U. one pair of pants. I am sorry.

  21. Jeeperson 22 Jan 2010 at 10:58 pm

    Isn’t the banana like the universal symbol for apes?

  22. Jeffon 27 Aug 2010 at 9:26 pm

    Hey thanks a lot for the fucking science lesson Mike Seaver & I would love to stay and chat but I’m running late for my next class! Boner Stabone is going to teach me trigonometry!

    What a bunch of fuckholes!