Jul 28 2009

Fucking Jill and Kevin’s fucking stupid fucking wedding video!!!

Published by at 3:00 am under Jerks

jill and kevin wedding video

Fuck you Jill, fuck you Kevin and fuck you anyone who has emailed this video with a little note that says “OMG this is awesome! Hilarious, a MUST SEE!”

There are a lot of things about this video that offend me, but the thing that REALLY makes me insane is the fact that this wacky dancing wedding shit is OLD NEWS! Jill and Kevin are way at the end of a long list of douchebags who worked up some lame wedding dance in an attempt to find internet fame. Why is everyone acting like Kevin and his whore bride Jill have invented something new? Yeah, Jill is a whore by the way.

At least the shitheads who did the Thriller dance at their wedding a few years ago put some effort into it. Jill, Kevin and their fat-fuck friends thought it was good enough to put on sunglasses and randomly convulse their way down the aisle. Oh, the fucking sunglasses make me so fucking mad. The kind of people who think a pair of sunglasses paired with a suit make you look “cool” are the same tools who slap on a Hawaiian shirt (tucked into khaki shorts of course) and a plastic lei before heading to the Jimmy Buffet concert. You see, the Hawaiian shirt conveys a general fondness for the beach party lifestyle while the plastic lei says “Hey bro, I own over 15 CDs and close to 30 MP3s so obviously I know how to party!”

The other thing that really perplexes me about Jill (the whore) and Kevin is that they chose to use a Chris Brown song in their wedding ceremony. I think Chris Brown best summed up what it means to be in love when he said, “Bitch, I love beatin’ yo ass! Now git da fuck outta my car, bitch! Yeah, I know it’s still moving you stupid fucking ho, now jump out dat window before I punch some mo love into yo teeth!”

Can everyone PLEASE stop trying to make their weddings into an internet sensation? Here’s a wacky idea, concentrate on what it means to be getting married and stop trying to be the next big thing on youtube. Is there anyone left on the planet who does not want to be famous or a public spectacle?

I hope Jill and Kevin (the whore’s husband) are eaten by a shark on their honeymoon. I hope their plane crashes into the mouth of a shark. I hope their plane crashes into the mouth of a shark and on the way down Jill cheats on Kevin with the guy sitting next to them. I hope that she gets pregnant during this quick fling and gets an abortion right there on the plane in front of Kevin and her new lover. I hope the guy who impregnates Jill on Kevin’s lap has swine flu. I hope the shark that eats Jill, Kevin, Jill’s aborted fetus, Jill’s lover, and the plane has AIDS.

Too far?

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38 comments so far

38 comments to “Fucking Jill and Kevin’s fucking stupid fucking wedding video!!!”

  1. jasonon 28 Jul 2009 at 5:16 am

    UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE! I really hate you now listy. I mean it this time.
    Before today I had not been exposed to this fucking piece of shit video. Since you ranted on it I thought, how bad could it be? You seemed sorta over the top with the whole shark having aids and eating aborted fetuses and all so I figured I should at least look at this vid to see what had your panties in a bunch. Turns out, you’re not over the top/too far/extreme in your condemnation of this pile of cold dog shit.

  2. rachelon 28 Jul 2009 at 5:54 am

    the minute this thing started blowing up my inbox with “LOL”s, and “must watch” fwds, i KNEW that it would be grim. how grim i could not imagine until the sea of slow-motion-drowning-douche-baggery at the end.

    i love that i am not alone in my hate.

  3. Kristenon 28 Jul 2009 at 6:00 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I too hope the shark has AIDS. Or that the fetus does.

  4. Joeon 28 Jul 2009 at 6:28 am

    sharks cant get aids. you’re a fucking asshole.

  5. Jeffon 28 Jul 2009 at 7:23 am

    That bit where the guy walks on his hands is awesome.

    If I could do that, I’d do it everywhere I go.

  6. Paul in Saint Paulon 28 Jul 2009 at 8:12 am

    Thank you.

    Jason, how has this escaped you? I’ve been subjected to it multiple times, yet I cannot fathom why anyone gives a shit. Agreed, Listman, at least past wedding dance videos – this is nothing new – had participants who put some effort into their show. This was just flopping down the aisle in stupid sunglasses. Jeff, I can still walk on my hands; it isn’t that awesome and I don’t really enjoy it. It just turns your face red.

    No, Listman, you haven’t gone too far with your extreme honeymoon-cuckold/violent death scenario, but I think you were kind of rough on their airplane.

  7. Joeon 28 Jul 2009 at 8:36 am

    and the shark. he’s no ben franklin.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:40 am

    Paul – You are right, I was out of line when I wished the plane would be eaten by a shark with AIDS. I sincerely apologize to the airplane.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:42 am

    Jason – I also apologize to you for bringing this tragedy to your attention.

  10. Saraon 28 Jul 2009 at 10:34 am

    She should be banging John from John and Kate. He has to have herpes at least by now

  11. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:39 am

    Sara – And while Jill bangs Jon, she should have to listen to Kate criticize the way he’s doing it.

  12. Patrickon 28 Jul 2009 at 2:54 pm

    This is by far, one of your best listy. Way to bring back the A-game. Best since hippy turds riding tall bikes.

  13. Angieon 28 Jul 2009 at 3:39 pm

    For some reason mine did not show a link to the actual video so I actually had to waste thirty more seconds of my life searching for this video on YouTube just so I could see what all the hatred hoopla was about. I’m embarrassed that I wasted 6 minutes of my life seeking this video out and then watched the ENTIRE video. Listy, LOVED the part about the choice of artist for their wedding song.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Angie – Sorry about that. I purposely did not provide a link to the video because I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Sorry you had to search for it, and I’m even more sorry that you found it.

  15. Tommyon 28 Jul 2009 at 4:14 pm

    i just have a filter that put anything with LOL or MUST in the subject goes directly to the trash. Do I ever miss out on an important email? who cares at least I still have my sanity

  16. laura marieon 28 Jul 2009 at 4:17 pm

    not too far. NEVER TOO FAR!

    aborted fetuses are jerks anyway.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:42 pm

    No kidding Laura, aborted fetuses are so annoying!

  18. hodanon 28 Jul 2009 at 5:18 pm

    I actually felt embarrassed for them.

  19. Jdubon 28 Jul 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Just far enough.

  20. Perryon 28 Jul 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Dear God, what is this?! Damn it, man, don’t you realize that people can’t unsee things?! In your defense though, you didn’t actually provide a link. I brought this on myself.

    And no, Listy, not too far by any stretch.

  21. Xinaon 28 Jul 2009 at 9:12 pm

    Am I the only one that noticed that when Jill and Kevin linked arms Kevin had his arm in the girl position? What man has his arm in the back? The kind of man that dances down the aisle.

    Douches. All of them.

    Douches I say!!!!!!!

  22. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Xina – Good eyes!

  23. EvanDandoon 30 Jul 2009 at 10:45 am

    I wish I had the director’s cut of this documentary right now. That way I can see them handing their elderly guest tabs of ecstasy to enjoy the rave like atmosphere. Then hearing the phrase “For fucks sakes grandma, I don’t want to hold you right now.” echoing throughout Christ’s holy temple. Well done whore and whore’s husband. Now gramps has a drug habit equal to that of Shaun Ryder fame which is somehow covered by medicare (go figure). Then again, I take it all back. I want to wait see the divorce video footage titled “Who’s dancing now: the story of a Jill and Kevin…and Kevin’s new whore Charles.”

  24. You Just Made My List!on 30 Jul 2009 at 10:52 am

    Legendary song writer Evan Dando checking in to call Jill a whore. Dreams DO come true!

  25. caseyon 30 Jul 2009 at 2:33 pm

    http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2009/07/30

  26. You Just Made My List!on 30 Jul 2009 at 2:42 pm

    Gold star for Casey’s link!

  27. Mariettaon 31 Jul 2009 at 1:22 pm

    Forever is a great song by Chris Brown. People should enjoy it. As for RiRi, she’s no angel. The girl is a real bit__ very possessive and jealous.

  28. Mariettaon 31 Jul 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Forever is a great song by Chris Brown. People should enjoy the song. He’s also a great talent. Don’t confuse his talent with his personal life. Rihanna is not a saint. She’s a loud, foulmouth female. I enjoyed the wedding dance.

  29. You Just Made My List!on 31 Jul 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Marietta – So it’s OK to beat a woman if she’s “loud” and a “foulmouth?” You are an idiot. Just out of curiosity, how do you know all of the details of their “personal” lives? Defending a guy who beats a woman is ridiculous.

    Oh, by the way, Chris Brown has about as much talent as the last piece if shit I pooped out of my poop hole.

  30. Crystalon 01 Aug 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Can we through Marietta in with the sharks?

  31. Benon 02 Aug 2009 at 8:58 am

    I laughed so hard reading this, a piece of shit shot out of my ass and hit my neighbor’s dog!

  32. stefon 06 Aug 2009 at 7:18 pm

    this video sucks…and so does the dancing.
    if you’re goona pay for dance lessons for your wedding party of 20+ people, at least get a good instructor. these idiots are just shimmying down the aisle.

    im sure jesus would be proud.

  33. Ericaon 11 Feb 2010 at 1:32 pm

    I just discovered your blog and I love it. I can now spend endless hours at the office pretending to work. I’m getting married in May and I can’t tell you how many people asked if I was going to organize something as “cool” as this. I told my wedding party that if they try to SURPRISE me with something fucked up as this that I would kill them all.

  34. You Just Made My List!on 11 Feb 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Erica – Welcome! I’m glad you can see how awesome I am.

    Bring a loaded gun to your wedding, just in case. When they recreated this crap in the final episode of last season’s “The Office” I set my TV on fire and threw it out the window.

  35. Ericaon 17 Feb 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Good call on the gun, will a .38 do? Sorry to hear about your TV, but it deserved for broadcasting that bullshit!

  36. Rickon 25 Apr 2010 at 1:40 am

    haha! you said it well. that video is such self-indulgent rubbish. it was cute the first time someone did it, now everyone thinks they’re a star

    what happened to modesty in this country? we used to look up to people that didn’t make a show of themselves. where have we gone wrong?

  37. bitter to the very endon 08 Feb 2011 at 2:29 pm

    hey…i was just perusing as usual and came across this post. these people fucking suck. they took this shit from “The Office”. or maybe “The Office” took this brilliant idea from these idiots. no….they wouldn’t do that. would they? alright i’ve spent more time than i should have thinking about this. whatever. fuck everything. this wedding is a bad joke…way to start off your life union.

  38. Dummbon 25 Mar 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Here to support the hate. Absolute load of shit, how the fuck it went viral is beyond comprehension. Any fuckwit can become a ‘celeb’ nowadays. What happened to the talent requirement?