Aug 14 2009

Hipster beer guts!

Published by at 3:30 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Why?!?

hipster beer belly fat gut

Just when you thought hipsters had run out of ways to be ironic, those geniuses figured out a way to tap into one more ridiculous trend… the beer belly. According to The New York Times, looking like a fat tub of shit is now cool. The New York City dump is about to be flooded with useless skinny jeans.

I see a problem though. The fat trend is not going to work very well with the trend to be vegan. Then there’s smoking, a habit many hipsters use as a way make their body odor even worse. Smoking has been the skinny hipster’s friend for many years but it could really slow the transformation from cool heroin skeleton to beer-guzzling bubba. I’m thinking a new industry will have to grow around this trend. I’m going to start a “diet” magazine called “Brooklyn Gut” for hipsters looking for tips on weight gain and beer belly shaping. My first article will be titled “Critical Mass Won’t Give You That Critical ASS: Time to Give Up Your Bike.

SHIT, what will happen to American Apparel? They are going to be working day and night making XXXL ironic shiny disco pants and satin jackets! Luckily their employees are so well-paid and have the best working… SHUT UP!

Is this why Kevin Federline is so fucking hugely fucking god damn fucking fat now? Is K-Fed a trend-setter?

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14 comments so far

14 comments to “Hipster beer guts!”

  1. Jonathanon 14 Aug 2009 at 9:28 am

    The first sentence in that article alone makes me want to fucking murder every hipster in Brooklyn: “This summer the unvarying male uniform in the precincts of Brooklyn cool has been a pair of shorts cut at knickers length, a V-neck Hanes T-shirt, a pair of generic slip-on sneakers and a straw fedora.”

    STRAW FUCKING FEDORA??

    I fucking hate how “counter culture” and “different” these asshats think they are. JUST DIE! AND GET A JOB!

  2. You Just Made My List!on 14 Aug 2009 at 9:42 am

    Jonathan – HIGH FUCKING FIVE!

  3. SanFranon 14 Aug 2009 at 10:03 am

    Ahhhh, yes – the Schlitz Tumor – proof that it can grow anywhere…

    We have a hipster problem in San Francisco, too – but I can’t say I’ve seen a whole lot of Fedoras (yet), or beer guts, for that matter. I hope this is a trend that goes East to West!

    I envision though the new clothing to have a huge-ass waist, and super skinny legs. In time, I might be able to sell for top dollar my circa 1988 Van Heusen gray, pilled sweat pants with elastic ankles and a totally stretched out waist (but it still has a draw string) to one of these about-to-be-fat-fucks.

    Not sure about Chicago, or NYC, but here all the rage seems to be cheap, gigantic, neon-framed sunglasses. I like the neon because it aids in sucker-punching, even at night, when they are trying to be ironic, like Corey Hart.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 14 Aug 2009 at 10:05 am

    SanFran – Yeah, all the hipsters in Chicago are wearing those stupid sunglasses too. I hate everyone.

  5. Joeon 14 Aug 2009 at 10:42 am

    i wear white shirt, blue jeans. hipper than all them.

  6. Jonathanon 14 Aug 2009 at 11:14 am

    Back at you, Listie! You are my new icon of impatience, my role model of rage. You have articulate exactly the same things I’ve been thinking. You had me at “Fucking Jill and Kevin’s fucking stupid fucking wedding video!!!” I thought that video was the dumbest shit ever.

  7. Jonathanon 14 Aug 2009 at 11:14 am

    I meant “You have articulated…”

  8. hodanon 14 Aug 2009 at 12:45 pm

    there is nothing hip about being a fuck obese hag. it’s un-fucking-healthy. I didn’t even know there was white people in Brooklyn until i went to see my cousin.

  9. Saraon 14 Aug 2009 at 2:39 pm

    http://www.superpoop.com/081309/hipster-withdrawals.jpg

  10. CreatureofHabiton 17 Aug 2009 at 5:57 am

    Once again a blessing the Boston is nerd central. Even our “hipsters” are nerds who don’t know how to be this cool.

  11. CreatureofHabiton 17 Aug 2009 at 5:58 am

    that.

  12. alexon 28 Aug 2009 at 5:59 pm

    I can’t say I’ve seen any fat hipsters really, but there are a lot of stick skinny hipsters who still manage to somehow have pot bellies.. maybe that’s what the article’s getting at but I doubt they purposely try to have that body shape.

  13. Danielleon 05 Aug 2011 at 2:33 pm

    I have that shirt.

  14. youjustmademylistfanon 21 Feb 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Nice beer belly, is that your’s? P.S, what is you’re name?P.P.S, I was talking to the guy who owns the website.