Aug 27 2009

Douchebags in puka shell necklaces!

Published by at 3:30 am under Jerks

puka shell necklace douchebag

If you are a man* there are very few occasions when a puka shell necklace is allowed on your body. They are…

1) You bought a used time machine on Ebay but the knob is stuck on 1972. It also has a glitch that changes your sex and turns your clothes into a bikini while traveling through time.

2) You are Tatum O’Neal or Jackie Earle Haley and you are starring in “The Bad News Bears.”

3) You are a corpse and your friends thought it would be hilarious to wreck your funeral by strapping some puka shells around your bloated neck.

4) You are Elvis.

5) You are David Cassidy.

6) You work at Abercrombie & Fitch and you swear you were just putting them on as a joke. Ha ha ha, right guys?

7) You are an incredible douche and you want the world to know it!

*check for penis in pants

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21 comments so far

21 comments to “Douchebags in puka shell necklaces!”

  1. Jacobon 27 Aug 2009 at 9:24 am

    So if you are an incredible douche you’ve got a free pass to wear puka shells?

  2. You Just Made My List!on 27 Aug 2009 at 9:57 am

    Jacob – Yes, but only if you are proud of your douchery and want a way to display it at all times.

  3. 8bitheroon 27 Aug 2009 at 10:45 am

    See, I propose it be mandatory for douches to wear them where they can be easily seen. It’s to be regarded as part of the uniform, much like a police officer’s badge or a secretly-gay-republican-politicians cross.

    You are looking at this the wrong way. Let them keep them for identification purposes.

  4. SanFranon 27 Aug 2009 at 3:02 pm

    …which reminds me… where is my circa 1980 puka shell cockring?

    Listy – did I leave it at your house a few weeks back? Could you please check behind your night table? I think I might have knocked it off there while frantically reaching for the lube.


  5. You Just Made My List!on 27 Aug 2009 at 3:22 pm

    SanFran – I swallowed them.

  6. Jacobon 27 Aug 2009 at 4:47 pm

    I thought that’s what hair gel was for…

  7. SanFranon 27 Aug 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Listy… That’s cool – you’re just borrowing them. If you could please send them back to me when they appear in the toilet, that’d be swell.

  8. DanaPooon 30 Aug 2009 at 11:42 am

    In the late 80’s when I was a child someone bought me puka shell necklace for my birthday. I thanked them. Tried it on. It was pokey/itchy. I stared at the thing for about half an hour. I still don’t get the attraction. It’s not pretty it turns your neck red. I threw it in my jewelry box and it was never seen from again.

  9. […] is a “working-class” beer or not. Maybe it’s the kind of beer college guys in puka shell necklaces drink? Perhaps it’s the beer you are most likely to see spewing from the mouth of a […]

  10. napuanapalion 27 Oct 2010 at 5:54 am

    another occasion for a man is if you’re native to the islands of Hawaii and actually know what the real thing looks like and how to wear them. LOL

  11. The Douchebag Uniform | THE PISCES GIRLon 23 Jun 2011 at 10:46 am

    […] some of my least favorite fashion accessories involve puka shells. They flatter no one and give off a ”I’m cooler than you cause I hang at the beach and […]

  12. […] Puka Shell Necklaces: If you see a man wearing a puka shell necklace, run. […]

  13. Lindsayon 28 Oct 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Ya’ll are delusional. These are hot on men. I think the writer of this blog is just jealous that hes not sexy enough to wear them. So he resorts to telling people they’re uncool. People! Wear whatever you want!

  14. Kendraon 28 Oct 2012 at 10:09 pm

    I think because of the 70’s, white men can’t pull them off anymore. But, on a caramel or black guy, its kinda hot and exotic. Also a hawaiian guy. Yum

  15. You Just Made My List!on 28 Oct 2012 at 11:04 pm

    God I love it so much when the same person leaves two comments under different names and thinks I’m too stupid to notice. And yes, obviously I’m “jealous” of the sexy men who wear puka shell chokers. By the way, I live in Hawaii and nobody wears puka shell necklaces.

  16. Bret18on 31 Oct 2012 at 5:36 pm

    tf? Everyone still wears puka shells. As long as they still sell them at aeropostale, they’re in.

  17. Lindsayon 16 Nov 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Kendra is a friend. I posted this page on facebook…awk

  18. Kimon 03 Feb 2013 at 2:47 am

    Puka shells are natural and hip. Real men wear puka shells.

  19. FEon 19 Apr 2013 at 10:37 am

    I find it interesting that the majority of people who think these necklaces are “gay/douchey/what have you” are guys, while the majority of people who think they’re attractive are girls (I cannot speak as to how a gay man views these necklaces as I’m not gay and my friends who are don’t really care one way or the other).

    As a straight male, I would much rather draw the attention of a girl than a guy, therefore I couldn’t care less if guys dislike the puka shell necklace.

    Perfect case in point: I have one of these necklaces and my wife loves the way it looks on me.
    So if I’m comfortable wearing it and my wife (along with every other female I encounter throughout the day) likes it on me, why should I give a flying crap about what some random douche bag thinks of me or the way I dress?

    To them I say: quit being an whiny little prick and go get yourself a girlfriend.

  20. You Just Made My List!on 22 Apr 2013 at 2:23 pm

    FE – Sure thing. Good luck with all that.

  21. GLAMILY ROCKS 4-€ VER MOTHER FUCKERSon 06 Jun 2014 at 2:15 am

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    is outstanding yeah he wears GUYLINER who
    fucking cares it’s not fair of you to judge him so cruley
    he is kind caring generous and way better than any of
    you ignorant, hatefull and disrespectful morons
    adam Lambert is loved by so many people he is
    ASSHOLES who have nothing better to do then Hate on My GLAMKING ! SO STFU YOU ARE DISPICABEL ad he is and allways be a STAR