Sep 08 2009


Published by at 3:40 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Why?!?

Parkour accident

Look at me, I’m walking… TO THE EXTREME!

If I ever catch my child participating in anything that remotely resembles parkour or “free running” I am going straight to the nearest antique tool dealer, buying the largest, rustiest pre-civil war saw they own, driving back home and cutting his feet off. I’m serious, if I so much as see that kid walking on a curb or staring at a wall longingly, he can kiss those tootsies goodbye. Sure, he will complain about how “mean” I am blah blah blah, but what kid doesn’t bitch and moan about their parents? He will thank me later when he’s watching all those douchebags jumping around and falling on their faces, safely from the comfort of his wheelchair. He will look down at his gnarled stumps and think “Thank the good Lord above that I’m not wasting my time on this shit.” He will roll off into the setting sun to the sound of zitty teen faces slamming against the pavement and whisper “Thank you dad.”

Thanks to Jonathan for tipping me off to this Parkour scene from The Office!

If you are anything like me, these parkour accidents will give you a boner.

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209 comments so far

209 comments to “Parkour!”

  1. Dude...on 09 Apr 2013 at 6:57 am

    The arrogance in this “article” is staggering.

    I read that you’re a skater of 20 years, yeah? You should know what it’s like to have your sport criticised and insulted by wilfully ignorant assholes.

    Oh, but you’re a skater of 20 years… I’ve met plenty of skaters that are closed-minded about any sport unless it involves a board or a football.

    There are also those skaters that never grow up.

    I don’t expect a serious answer. I know your reflex response will probably to troll me or insult me (as demonstrated by the past comments), which only drives my point forward:

    You’re an arrogant, wilfully ignorant asshole with a self-entitled chip on his shoulder.

    That, or your ‘internet personality’ is that of a keyboard warrior.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 09 Apr 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Dude – You want a serious answer? OK, here you go. I have NEVER witnessed a group of people as insecure as you parkour kids! Seriously, even those Japanese guys who marry their love-pillows are less sensitive about their “hobby.” The difference between skaters and parkour kids is that skaters genuinely don’t give a shit about what people think about them. In fact, they generally don’t even pay attention to the world outside of skateboarding. You extreme walking kids are SO FUCKING SENSITIVE that all it takes is one guy on the internet to get your extreme panties in an extreme bunch. And let’s not forget that, according to you guys, I am a fat slob who lives in my mom’s basement. As a group you are so insecure that a supposed fat basement dweller needs only write ONE PARAGRAPH making fun of your little sport and you winge and cry about it for years! Grow the fuck up and stop caring about other people so much. Jesus Christ, you kids are the biggest fucking babies on the planet.

  3. Dude...on 09 Apr 2013 at 9:05 pm

    I’m not actually one of those ‘Parkour Kids’, mind you. Sure, I occasionally use their techniques in my UrbEx (it’s actually quite beneficial in that scenario).

    I actually don’t care what the ‘Parkour Kids’ are like. This stemmed from arrogant ignorance on your part in the first place. Before you even knew what the ‘Parkour Kids’ are like.

    I’m betting there are plenty of other disciplines you could have picked on and gotten exactly the same response.

    Do you actually have a reason to hate Parkour – the sport itself – excluding the whiny little kids? The article suggests that you hate it because people get hurt. There has to be more to it than that?

    Because, by that logic, you should hate every extreme or physically intensive sport on the planet.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 09 Apr 2013 at 9:17 pm

    What is wrong with you people? Why do you crave my approval so much? I don’t need to elaborate on my opinion of parkour. What, you never sit around with your friends and talk shit about things YOU don’t like? FUCK! Grow a pair of fucking balls already.

  5. Dude...on 09 Apr 2013 at 9:22 pm

    Okay, that makes sense. The article was shit talking, shit-stirring.

    Well, it succeeded.

  6. jakexon 01 Jul 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Parkour is “art” and an “awesome physical discipline” the same way an epileptic seizure is. These idiots are the worst bunch of hopelessly spastic mental defectives I’ve ever seen (as they’ve so richly demonstrated in their commentary) who are simply too stupid to walk in a straight line like sensible human beings. The only thing “extreme” about these morons is their low IQs.
    Kudos to you calling these wretched dolts out on their stupidity. Goddamn people, “free style walking”? You are the dumbest fuckers on this planet. Aliens spotting this would surely (and rightfully) exterminate all life on this planet.
    I’d retroactively abort any kid of mine I caught being so grossly ignorant.
    And these incredible pussies telling us we don’t understand “parkour”! The problem is that we understand it all too well: you’re defectives. It’s really quite simple…just like you are.
    Oh my god, Team Tempest–I’d say it was the biggest collection of fags since the SF Pride Parade but I’d hate to disparage homosexuals who have better sense that these clowns.
    Lamest fucking thing I’ve ever seen–it makes me wonder with dread what colossal retardation clueless imbeciles will come up with next; I’d say this was the nadir of all human effort but I have faith in humanity that something even worse is to follow.

  7. a proud trecuoron 16 May 2014 at 10:49 am

    ok first of all those people doesnt train safe becuse they try doing something new in rush so their friends will be impressed sometimes it works if ure tecnicly ready for the trick but they didnt seem like tht and u know what? i fell many times i got many injurys alot of people hate me for doing parkour but i keep going why u ask??? becuse its my dream its my whole life all i want to do before i die is feel this complete freedom and control over my body just like ur dream is living quitley like a lazy and do nothing spical just live in ur office and die worthless i rether die while doing parkour than not living at all but people like u just make me sick i didnt complain a word abut ur wirdo stupid hi tech idiotic jobs tht all u want is to have money u hav no dreams u hav no desires whay? becuse the norm have killed them all! and u know what parkour and all is not the only dream people have but if u hav i dream than imgine me telling u its fucking worthless and i hate ur dream and if my child would hav the same dream ill kill him becuse his not good anough for me
    and just for this u know tht before i started parkour and free runing i was a really suicidal sad person my life was worthless i commited suicide and didnt sucess parkour is my only cure and none of ur stinky opinions abut it will change tht all i hav to say is hav fun when u die u relise all the worthless shit u spent time on ure nevar going to live agian

  8. a proud trecuoron 16 May 2014 at 11:04 am

    u motherfucking piece of shit 😐

  9. You Just Made My List!on 16 May 2014 at 4:03 pm

    I love that you didn’t have the mental capacity to squeeze in your final attempt at an insult into your original comment.

    Good people of Earth, please take a look at how this idiot communicates. Soak in the way he rapes and murders the most basic rules of grammar. This is the future we all get to live in. We are doomed. I don’t mean that as a joke, we are ACTUALLY doomed.