Sep 24 2009

People who tell me to relax!

Published by at 3:40 am under Jerks


I’m currently trying to sell my house in the middle of the worst housing market since magical God created the Earth 6,000 years ago. The funny thing is that not only am I trying to sell my house, I’m also currently watching my entire life crumble to pieces before my very eyes. It has been a joyous year!!!

Needless to say, when my air conditioner decided to ice over and pour water all over my laundry room on the morning of our first realtor open house, I was a tad stressed. It’s not a situation where you want two realtors running around your house like busy ants, rearranging your shit and putting little signs everywhere. They were just doing their jobs, I understand that, but it’s not their job to be my therapist.

They meant well when they told me approximately 300 times to “not worry” and “relax” but it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to relax when you are dealing with the shit I’m dealing with. I’M GOING TO WORRY IF I FEEL LIKE FUCKING WORRYING!

They are perfectly nice people, but telling a stressed person to relax just makes them more stressed.

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12 comments so far

12 comments to “People who tell me to relax!”

  1. Xinaon 24 Sep 2009 at 5:54 am

    Ya know what Listy? Don’t relax. Get stressed, get angry, yell, scream, throw things, whatever makes you feel better. Or feel worse. Your call. And when the smoke clear and the body count has been totaled that’s when you can take a moment to collect yourself. I suggest hollowing out one of said bodies and taking a nice little nap inside. It’s surprisingly cozy in there!

  2. guilty noodleson 24 Sep 2009 at 7:58 am

    I concur with Xina! Or just call me for one of those “special” pills that I have so many of.

  3. Joeon 24 Sep 2009 at 8:14 am

    worrying is pointless. if you’re tied to the tracks, just let the train come.

  4. Amandaon 24 Sep 2009 at 8:23 am

    We had to sell our house in what sounds like a similar situation 2 years ago and it was the worst experience ever. Strangers traipsing in and out of your house is enough to make you stressed and then on top of it, shit always goes wrong. One day our basement flooded for some reason I can’t remember, and I was down there with a shitload of towels and mops trying to clean up while I could hear the family at the top of the steps waiting to come down when I was done. Such a nightmare.

    I was so stressed and strung out that one time a family of like, 8 came to see the house and after they left, I SWORE I only saw 7 of them leave. I started freaking out and searching the house, looking for the guy who was going to pop out at any moment to kill my family and I. I even checked the crawl spaces because I was so sure he was there. I was out of my mind.

    Seriously though, good luck on selling your house. It fucking sucks!

  5. Saraon 24 Sep 2009 at 8:49 am

    wow Amanda takes the cake, she is not just worried but paranoid. Add that to your pile Listy, These people could be trying to KILL YOU TO!!

  6. guilty noodleson 24 Sep 2009 at 10:22 am

    Amanda, would you like one of my “special” pills?

  7. Amandaon 24 Sep 2009 at 10:34 am

    I’m pretty mellow these days but next time I have to sell a house or I think I’m going to be murdered, I’ll definitely take you up on it!

  8. Danaon 24 Sep 2009 at 10:44 am

    I’m buying a house right now, and it’s a shitty experience as well. I HATE it when people tell me to relax and “enjoy the process.” WTF. It’s quite possibly one of the WORST processes in existence, with the probably exceptions of selling your house, divorce, and shitting a baby out of your vag.

    If they tell you to RELAX again, just do everyone a favor and punch them in the face. Seriously. THEY NEED TO LEARN.

    P.S. I hope your shitty life gets better soon. I heart your list.

  9. Joeon 24 Sep 2009 at 11:39 am

    just look at the bright side, at least guy fieri isn’t looking at your house. imagine if his radio show, tv show, his face-pot tray thing and he himself were on, on your counter, and fuckin your girl. appreciate it!

  10. hodanon 24 Sep 2009 at 12:09 pm

    you need this:

    Chill the fuck out listy!

  11. Jacobon 24 Sep 2009 at 12:41 pm

    Hey MAN you need to RELAX!

  12. Munchieson 27 Sep 2009 at 7:10 pm

    frankie say relax