Jul 07 2008

Chris Martin, Coldplay and their stupid jackets!

Published by at 6:59 pm under Crappy Music,Jerks

Chris Martin and Coldplay suck!

Just when I thought I could not hate Chris Martin and his sorry-excuse-for-Radiohead band Coldplay more, they start dressing like The Police circa Synchronicity. Do these buttholes ever have a single original idea?

Where do you start with this tool? How about his crap band? Coldplay is about as interesting as a blank piece of paper. Chris Martin can write all the shit he wants all over his arms and hands (stolen from Eddie Vedder) but that won’t change the fact that his songs are blander than white noise.

Gwyneth Paltrow can suck it too. How do you like this one… they even stole their daughter’s name, Apple, from Coldplay’s agent who already had a child named Apple. This asshole can’t even name his own baby! Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have got to be the two least interesting people on the planet and together they become one super boring blob of shit that bores you to death.

Oh, by the way, don’t make the mistake of asking this jerk about his music or he’ll teach you a lesson. How dare this BBC interviewer ask him about his music? I mean come on dude, you have one of the most important human beings that has ever lived sitting in your studio and you choose to ask him ABOUT HIS NEW ALBUM?!? You IDIOT!!! You’re lucky Chris Martin didn’t telepathically make your head explode, he can do that you know.

Fuck you Chris Martin, fuck you!

    45 comments so far

    45 comments to “Chris Martin, Coldplay and their stupid jackets!”

    1. Mr. Kickers Sr.on 12 Jul 2008 at 2:37 am

      I think Coldplay deserve the “Luckiest Band on the Planet” award. They were in the right place at the right time (behind Radiohead’s collective ass). From reading interviews and hearing soundbites from them, it seems like even they haven’t a clue how they got so big and if you hear their music you wonder that as well. They are so mediocre and I think that is why a wide range of people can listen to them. To a lot of people they are on the cutting edge… of acceptable mainstream music. Even worse then these guys fessing up to trying to be Radiohead Light is that there are now a bunch of shitty bands that sound like Coldplay…on purpose.

    2. Coldplay Fanon 15 May 2009 at 9:42 pm

      How dare you say that about Coldplay? Coldplay are cool and awesome and they wear cool clothes, their songs are awesome like Clocks, The Scientist, Viva La Vida, In My Place, Yellow… (Etc.) What more can I say? The list goes on and on. I can write like millions of stuff about how great Coldplay is and millions of stuff about you about such an asshole you are being.
      COLDPLAY IS THE BEST BAND IN THE WORLD.

    3. stevenon 24 Nov 2010 at 10:05 pm

      i dont get why u types of people just hate on everybody. i dont see u out there makin music nigga so shut the funk up! dont be jealous fagget :)

    4. You Just Made My List!on 24 Nov 2010 at 10:40 pm

      Steven – i dont get u types of morons who dont no how 2 write proper english or use correct grammar. u people r 2 dum to even spell faggot right. by da way how do u no if eye have put muzic out there or not.

      I hate you, your shitty grammar, your racism, your homophobia and your love of terrible music. Please die.

    5. Pollyon 17 Dec 2010 at 11:50 pm

      Just came across your article, man have to admit my eye twitched a little bit. them being my all time favorite and all. Why the hate on coldplay man? seriously sounds like you got hard beef on these guys. If you would have researched what his hands say and the signs on them, you would know it refers to maketradefair.com…. a charity for third world countries. Do you know how big of a jerk that makes you sound? Tell me of ONE single artist who has never EVER EVER borrowed an idea from someone else? But whatever.

      p.s mr kickers…. you sound idiotic how you only know you said so yourself don’t know much about them and then making all these assumptions.

    6. You Just Made My List!on 18 Dec 2010 at 10:26 am

      Polly – How can I put this in a simple way for you? Coldplay sucks. Writing fair trade websites on your hand does nothing for the cause, and also sucks. Chris Martin sucks. Their jackets suck. I’m pretty sure you suck but I can’t say for sure, but whatever.

      Go listen to your shitty music collection and stop stinking up my beautiful website.

    7. Pollyon 29 Dec 2010 at 6:53 pm

      hey you know something? i will, but ill do it without a stick up my ass.. or maybe that’s exactly what you need

    8. BluntMuffinon 02 Feb 2011 at 7:17 pm

      Whoever wrote this is a dickweed.

    9. BluntMuffinon 02 Feb 2011 at 7:21 pm

      And may I say… listen to their albums fuckhole, they’re all unique. The style of the album Viva la Vida is almost a spiritual experience when you listen to it. Chris Martin and everyone in Coldplay are great, musically talented people. If you can’t see that, then go shove a stick up your ass.

    10. You Just Made My List!on 02 Feb 2011 at 8:06 pm

      Blunty – Let me first say that I can see what a sophisticated and intelligent bunch all you coldplay fans are. It certainly makes me want to listen to them EVEN MORE!

      Now, when you said “whoever wrote this is a dickweed” were you referring to your own comment? That’s like yelling “anyone yelling right now is an asshole.”

    11. BluntMuffinon 04 Feb 2011 at 5:32 pm

      It’s a sad day when a person makes a website dedicated to hating people and their ideas. Yes, I agree that comment was rather stupid; and I should of thought of that ahead of time. First of all, every band borrows ideas from someone. Radiohead had no music that actually meant anything. It was just bland meaningless noise about money and power. Second, Coldplay and Chris Martin donate any gifts given to them to charity, they had an auction of some of the band’s possesions to raise mony for cancer research, and Chris Martin gave away several of his possesions to raise money for Haiti after the earthquake. Chris Martin also has tattoos on his hands that show his commitment to the band and his family. If you don’t like their music, fine. But don’t trash talk people you don’t know (I can here you saying hipocrit).

    12. You Just Made My List!on 04 Feb 2011 at 5:41 pm

      Old Muffin Pants – I can tell from your misguided passion for Coldplay and your insane assessment of Radiohead that you must be about 12 years old, so I will refrain from saying much more.

    13. BluntMuffinon 04 Feb 2011 at 7:27 pm

      Hahahaha. I laugh. No I’m not 12. It’s a cold day in hell when that happens again. I’m 19, and was born on May 3, 1991.

    14. BluntMuffinon 04 Feb 2011 at 7:52 pm

      The only person who makes a website like this is someone who sits in a dark, drab closet slowly hacking away at the nails that hold in their happiness and joy for life. At the same time, they drive spikes through their hands that kill their happiness and turn the vibrant colors of the world black and grey. They slowly wither away in their own ego until their soul rots and they hate the world. You call this your “Beautiful Website?” I only see hatred and foolishness for some of the things that you should just laugh at or be happy for (not all of them of course). When someone says, “with no post to get you through your miserable day”, it really makes me feel sad and sorry for them. I’m not saying “get a life” or “get a girlfriend”, but just be happy for what you have and don’t live your life thinking that every day is just another moment of pain and misery. Think to yourself tonight before you go to bed: “did I enjoy today?” Sure not every day is peachy and perfect, but don’t go through your entire life thinking EVERY day is a living hell.

    15. You Just Made My List!on 05 Feb 2011 at 12:08 pm

      Blunty McMuffin – I love people like you so much. So young. So emotional. So dumb.

      I won’t even waste my time defending your comments about my life being dark and lonely. You think you are the first person to say that to me? Of course you aren’t, because you are unoriginal. I guess that’s why you love a bland band like Coldplay so much.

      You know what you are? You are a HUGE baby. You accuse me of being filled with hate but you are too much of an emotional baby to realize this website is not to be taken very seriously. If anyone is dark and filled with hate it’s you, you fucking psycho. Go back and read how bat-shit crazy and violent you are in your comments. And let’s not forget, these are comments about COLDPLAY, not some subject that actually matters!

      You’re a baby because you can’t just look away from criticism of something you like. Who gives a shit what I say about stupid Coldplay? Grow some balls and look the other way rather than getting overly emotional and losing your shit over it. You try to paint me as a pathetic guy but look in the mirror, you constantly keep visiting a website you hate. What’s up with that? Just sit in your crib and listen to Coldplay and forget this site even exists.

      If I saw someone criticize something I love, say Johnny Cash for example, I would just ignore it and move on with the knowledge that I don’t care what other people have to say. I live my own life.

      The thing I really love about people like you is the unbelievable hypocrisy that oozes from your baby faces. You pretend that you fart rainbows and sunshine and you never have a negative opinion about anything and yet at the drop of a hat you are ready to write angry, violent, ridiculous comments. I promise you that there are things in life YOU don’t like, and I guarantee you share that opinion. When you and your friends sit around and say something sucks it’s no different than what happens on this website. The only difference is I don’t show up at your house and have a big baby hissy fit about it.

      Grow up.

    16. GoogleEyeson 06 Feb 2011 at 11:44 pm

      Fuck you.

    17. You Just Made My List!on 07 Feb 2011 at 8:03 am

      Yeah I agree GoogleEyes, fuck you BluntMuffin!

    18. jameson 11 Mar 2011 at 4:15 pm

      The person who made this has a blunt mind and is probably crippled..get a life bioth! :D

    19. rockfanon 11 Mar 2011 at 4:18 pm

      Coldplay is a good and inspirational band..so stop chattin shit

    20. rockfanon 11 Mar 2011 at 4:19 pm

      I’m pretty sure your gay!

    21. You Just Made My List!on 11 Mar 2011 at 5:04 pm

      I really enjoy people who leave several comments under different names within 2 minutes of each other. You do realize that I can see you IP address and can tell you are the same person, right? Jackass.

      Also, what do you have against gay people? DO you think Coldplay would approve of your homophobic slur?

    22. I'llNeverBeJohnnyCashon 20 Mar 2011 at 11:57 pm

      Why does everyone have a thing against gay people?! My best friend is gay and I’m not! I still hang out with him because I don’t judge him by his sexuality.

    23. Arthuron 03 Apr 2011 at 9:16 pm

      FUCK YOU MAN, FUCK YOU

    24. You Just Made My List!on 04 Apr 2011 at 7:50 am

      Yeah, FUCK YOU MAN!

    25. DJMon 26 Jun 2011 at 4:47 am

      I think it’s a bit disappointing to be slagging of Coldplay and saying that they are pretty much a ‘poor man’s Radiohead’. In my opinion, they couldn’t be more different apart from the fact they are both good, HUGE bands.

      It’s also a shame you haven’t said who you actually do like??

      To be honest, Bono, Chris Martin, Midge Ure and Geldof are all a bit annoying and self righteous, but in a time where music is full of rap, repetitive nonsense and reality tv singers, I take my hat off to Chris, Johnny, Will and Guy for writing good, honest, melodic rock songs.

      Oh, and don’t listen if you don’t like.

      Please shut up and get off the ‘Coldplay are boring’ bandwagon. There’s millions of people that think (and know) you are talking out of your hole!

    26. You Just Made My List!on 26 Jun 2011 at 10:07 am

      DJM – That’s exactly the boring, bland and predictable response I would expect from a fan of a boring, bland and predictable band.

    27. I agreeon 26 Jun 2011 at 8:28 pm

      Right on man! right on! Coldplay sucks. To everyone else: STOP USING THE WORD “GAY” AS AN INSULT!!!

    28. You Just Made My List!on 26 Jun 2011 at 10:09 pm

      I agree – I agree.

    29. You Suck!on 27 Jun 2011 at 10:19 pm

      Oh Yea, Well Fuck You For Saying Those Things About Chris Martin, You Don’t Apparently Know Anything About Really Music!!!!

    30. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jun 2011 at 11:09 pm

      I really don’t know much about really music.

    31. Michelleon 27 Oct 2011 at 3:26 pm

      The fact that I read this whole thing just reminded me I ought to get back to my life, you know… living?

      I love Coldplay while the majority of my friends hate them, so what?

      All the best, seems like you’ve got a lot of people willing to debate.. why not pick a topic that has a more positive outcome… like some new thoughts or shared understanding of different perspectives.

    32. You Just Made My List!on 28 Oct 2011 at 2:46 pm

      I like your friends, they sound cool.

    33. Chrismartinsuckson 13 Dec 2011 at 12:10 pm

      This is awesome! I completely agree with everyone you’re said here http://chrismartinsucks.tumblr.com/

    34. Maryon 13 Feb 2012 at 12:06 am

      You’re a miserable cow, please die. Coldplay actually has talent, I’m sure your only talent is sucking men off, so why don’t you turn this I hate Coldplay rant into an I love it up my ass rant like you really want to. Go fuck yourself you miserable piece of shit.

    35. You Just Made My List!on 13 Feb 2012 at 12:17 am

      Mary – At least we now know the intelligence level necessary to like this band. I guess you have to be a hate-filled homophobic asshole to think this uninspired band is “talented.” I wonder how your favorite band would feel about their number one fan being such a homophobe.

      Your childish attempts at dissing me are as original as Coldplay’s watered-down Radiohead nonsense.

    36. Trolololol guyon 09 Apr 2012 at 9:11 pm

      Haters gonna hate

    37. You Just Made My List!on 09 Apr 2012 at 9:31 pm

      Thunder only happens when it’s raining. Players only love you when they’re playing. Say, Women? They will come and they will go. When the rain washes you clean you’ll know.

    38. Vivaon 09 May 2012 at 11:30 am

      How do I find this fucker!

      I’m going to fuckin kill him!!!

    39. Jonathanon 29 Jun 2012 at 8:33 pm

      Are you kidding me?! Coldplay is the most original band out there! If you can find ONE band that is even slightly identical to them, let me know…

    40. You Just Made My List!on 29 Jun 2012 at 8:45 pm

      Jonathan – Clearly you are around the age of 14 if you can make a statement like that and ACTUALLY believe it, so I will refrain from making you look even more stupid.

    41. Ore Bamimekeon 25 Sep 2012 at 2:09 pm

      This is the first time I’ve been to this website. I’m a big fan of Coldplay myself, but I understand your anger at them, because they HAVE made a lot of mistakes. Whenever you have a famous band or group like this, there’s bound to be people with negative opinions. I’m going to hold my hands up and say I despise One Direction and Justin Bieber, so I can’t be self-righteous like most of the people commenting on here.
      No matter how much I hate them, I will have to admit that they are making quite a lot of money, the annoying fuckwits they are. You’re going to have to accept that even if you treat Coldplay worse than the shit on your shoe, they are making MILLIONS, and there is a one-in-a-million chance that any of them will come across this website. But if that’s your opinion, I’m OK with that.

    42. I am better than youon 23 Nov 2012 at 4:21 am

      Coldplay fucking sucks and anyone who likes this dull, boring, pathetic excuse for a band (that clearly just wishes it was Radiohead) obviously has a shit taste in life and probably also loves Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

      By the way, just an example of fucking stupid and dumb they are: the Princess of China video clip is riddled with Hindu imagery (Hindus make up something like less than 1% of the Chinese population) and Rihanna is dressed as a Geisha, which is Japanese.

      And also, Chris Martin is a wanker.

    43. chris martinon 20 Apr 2013 at 4:50 pm

      how dare you you son of a bitch to say this about me you fucking prick. i love my band and my wife you asshole have some respect about other people

    44. Preston P. C.on 08 Jul 2013 at 1:09 pm

      To the person who wrote this post, you are probably some fat old fucking pervert who lives at home with his mother who is still a hooker from age 17. How dare you insult Chris Martin, because he is more successful than you will ever be, and has a way more beautiful wife than you ever will, and personally I think you are jelous. He is loved by millions all over the world for being an inspiration to everyone (myself included). He is a insanely talented musician and deserves unlimited credit for writing some of the most played songs ever. You sir can go fuck yourself and go fuck your old hag of a mother, and get over yourself.

      P.S. “The stars don’t fucking shine for your sorry ass”

    45. You Just Made My List!on 08 Jul 2013 at 1:39 pm

      Uh oh, did somebody make fun of Preston’s favorite band?

      I’m so confused by people like you. Choose a band I love… let’s say The Replacements… if someone walked up to me and said “I hate The Replacements. Here’s 100 reasons why The Replacements suck,” it literally would not have ANY affect on me. I would say “OK” and move on with my life. I just can’t imagine getting all upset like a like girl who had her Barbie taken away.

      Secondly, congratu-fucking-lations for being the 100,000th person to say I’m fat and I live in my mom’s basement. FUCK, why are you boring people so boring? Why is it impossible for you idiots to come up with a different insult? Your put-downs are as painfully bland as the shitty music you love so dearly. (p.s. I live in Hawaii, over 4,000 miles away from my mom’s basement. Currently I don’t even HAVE a basement! We have a shed but that’s filled with boxes, some extra chairs and a lot of lizard shit.)

      Next awesome point by me. This whole “loved by millions” theory is so dumb. Let me throw out some names that, by your definition, are also great… Nickelback, Justin Bieber, Adolf Hitler, Kim Kardashian, Phish, Jay Leno, etc.

      Lastly, I’ll have you know, sir, that my mother is no longer a hooker. So the joke is on you!

      p.s. “Color Me Impressed”

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