Aug 19 2008

American Chopper, The Teutuls and their crappy motorcycles!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Sucky TV

Where do I start with these turds? There is just nothing appealing about this family or the shitty bikes they “build.” Luckily for them being boring and talentless equals a TV career in this country!

Don’t embarrass yourself by saying “Fuck you, they make rolling works of art, you’re just jealous.” If this is the “thought” in your head right now please go back to listening to your cassette copy of your favorite Nickelback album.

Here’s a synopsis of every tedious episode…

Some company gets the highly original idea to hire these idiots to make a “theme bike.” Paul Teutul Jr. and Sr. tour the factory of said company. Their tiny minds begin to spin as they become inspired by whatever the fuck it is this company does. The wide-eyed CEO tells the Teutuls how excited he is blah blah blah. Paul Jr. goes back to the shop with a box full of crap from their new client and sits around with one of many mulletheaded OCC workers coming up with a design with all the seriousness of doctors discussing a cure for cancer. Of course what they are actually doing is figuring our how to simply weld a bunch of the company’s crap to a stock frame. If the company makes tools, Paul Jr. welds tools to the bike. If the company makes golf clubs Paul Jr. welds putters to the bike. A true artist indeed.

Throw in a few door-smashing tantrums from Paul Sr., some footage of younger brother Mikey getting his head stuck in a mailbox, a scene of Paul Jr. trying to figure out a way to hide some huge mistake, a couple fights between the Jr. and Sr. over the “visual flow” of the bike and top it all off with the last minute delivery of the finished piece of shit motorcycle that will spend its life in some stupid lobby and you have yourself a complete episode of American Chopper. Now hit yourself on the head with a hammer for liking this shit.

What’s that, you want more! How about the American Chopper video game! If you own this video game I am literally begging you to never breed.

You know what pisses me off more than their ugly bikes? It’s the fact that once again the world proves itself to be filled with uninspired lemmings who flock to whatever the flavor of the month is. We just can’t help but celebrate mediocrity can we? And it doesn’t get any more mediocre than American Chopper.

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26 comments so far

26 comments to “American Chopper, The Teutuls and their crappy motorcycles!”

  1. evanon 19 Aug 2008 at 5:12 pm

    you seem like sort of a dick douche.

  2. evanon 19 Aug 2008 at 5:12 pm

    you seem like sort of a dick douche…i’m just saying.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 19 Aug 2008 at 5:20 pm

    Hey Evan, I heard you the first time… I’m just saying.

    A dick douche? As this is not a particular variety of douche I am familiar with I will have to take your word for it. I will google it right now, please hold on for a second. Well, I still don’t know what a “dick douche” is but a photo of Jeremy Piven came up so I’m getting a better idea.

    Thanks for being a fan of my blog Evan!

  4. Heathon 19 Aug 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Awesome blog entry, I’m checking it daily and sending the link to anyone I know isn’t slightly retarded! Keep it up!

  5. You Just Made My List!on 19 Aug 2008 at 8:06 pm

    Thanks Heath. To be honest, I would be OK with you sending my link to your slightly retarded friends too. Everyone is welcome!

  6. Mr. Kickers Sr.on 20 Aug 2008 at 11:13 pm

    I think you’ve hit a nerve “You Just Made My List!”. Was it the war in Iraq? No. Afghanistan? No. The government’s decision to bail out the mortgage industry with our tax dollars? No. The politicalization of the Justice Dept.? No. Guantanamo Bay shenanigans? Wrong again!

    It was someone taking the piss out of “American Chopper” that inspired Heath, a true red-blooded American, to take fingers to keyboard and speak his piece…to exercise his sweet, constitutionally-protected 1st amendment rights. God bless, Heath.

    Is it because the word “America” is in the title that you feel obligated to defend this show?

    Really. Why does America hate itself? Our culture keeps celebrating the lowest common denominator crap. This website is a refreshing wake-up call to all the stupid stuff that distracts us and keeps us grazing like cattle while the world crumbles around us. You are a true American, You Just made My List! Give us hell!

  7. You Just Made My List!on 21 Aug 2008 at 10:15 am

    Mr. Kickers, I think you meant “evan” not “heath.” Just wanted to clear that up. And yes, I am the best American alive.

  8. Mr. Kickers Sr.on 21 Aug 2008 at 8:46 pm

    Uh…yeah. I meant Evan…not Heath…Heath is cool…we go way back…Evan is a douche dick…I’m drunk when I respond (drunk on ANGER!). Sorry, Heath. Suck it, Evan! I have to sign off now. The nursing home doesn’t let us use the computer after 8pm.

  9. Alexon 24 Aug 2009 at 9:21 am

    ROTFL!

    You are so right..

  10. You Just Made My List!on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:42 am

    Alex – I agree with you (and me).

  11. M.T. chopper Wa.on 12 Jan 2011 at 9:42 am

    I watch the show and think the bikes look like shit!

  12. Aubrieon 15 Feb 2011 at 11:34 pm

    How much money are you making per blog exactly? Ah, right, none. And how much are they making by creating “shitty” bikes? Millions. I don’t understand why people like you think that your thoughts are so significant that they deserve their own site. Do something other than living in your parents basements with a cat and sandwiches your mother made you, then maybe I’ll listen to what you think. Otherwise, get a diary or twitter account and gripe on their, niagra fucking falls.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 15 Feb 2011 at 11:43 pm

    Aubrie – CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 500th person to accuse me of living in my mom’s basement. I love how unoriginal idiots are. You also share the classic dip shit theory that people who are “popular” and make “millions” are somehow automatically worthwhile and good. It’s obvious why your tiny mind would gravitate to such drivel. See you at the Creed concert!

    (sorry I used so many big words)

  14. DeeVeeon 23 Jun 2011 at 8:53 am

    The world’s best blog entry EVER.

  15. Build me a yard sale theme bikeon 23 Jun 2011 at 12:38 pm

    So, welding a bunch of junk on a bike is a theme bike? You know if you filmed one episode of this crap festival, photoshop the bike off each film frame replacing it with another of one of their gems, you could re-air it as a new episode, every episode hear, I think this is the best bike we have done. Seems what this means is what you get is more complicated computer design that requires longer and longer runs under their pricey computer driven equipment, the longer the run, the more expense. They use the English wheel, hand hammering less and less. The handcrafting seems to beating out mistakes or force fitting. Remember on build, can’t remember the theme, it was to be auctioned, a 150 K bike, and after the test ride, senior’s remark was, whoever wins this I hope he doesn’t ride it but keeps it in the garage. It was something like that, as I remember. Nice, a waste of a good engine and frame. Hey, new show, the crew buys expensive European sports cars, strips and rebuilds them with a company’s items welded on. Yeah we don’t need no front brake, or lights. Yeah, right.

  16. Geezaaron 06 Jul 2011 at 7:10 am

    Just read all your comments and must say I was surprised by wat I read. Can so many people be so wrong ?, maybe you are right and all the millions who watch the show are wrong !, no, personally I think you are a fucking idiot !
    What they do is give the public exactly wat they want, if it wasn’t wat you all wanted it would be a flop. As far as “using modern computers and frames etc “, would you not improve on your tools and materials if you were a tradesmen like myself ?, of course you would, I started with shit tools and now have very good ones and the quality of my workmanship has improved likewise, so to sum up I know you are American so you have an excuse for being a weirdo but come on is American chopper really that bad ? I love it. J

  17. You Just Made My List!on 06 Jul 2011 at 7:40 am

    Geezaar – Well, I just read your comment and I was surprised by “wat” I read too. I think the shittiest tool you own is your grammar tool. When did the basic rules of English become optional?

    To your point of the Teutuls popularity, since when is mass appeal a sign of greatness? Hitler had a big following. What about the Black Eyed Peas, a lot of people eat that shit right up. Although, it’s not fair to put the Black Eyed Peas in the same sentence as Hitler, it’s an insult to Hitler.

  18. Geezaaron 06 Jul 2011 at 9:13 am

    Lol same old argument “the grammar police”
    As for your retort , bravo 

  19. Geezaaron 06 Jul 2011 at 9:18 am

    Ps after reading your reply again, something accured to me, wat exactly is your point ? Greatness, wtf that got to do with the price of bread ?

  20. You Just Made My List!on 06 Jul 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Geezar – LOL, same old argument that all the dumb shits use… “it ok if me dumb, korrect gramer is stoopid.” See how far your grammar skills get you in life, jackass.

  21. Geezaaron 07 Jul 2011 at 7:04 am

    Love it !, a few well placed words and the yank throws his toys out of his pram, classic  ur a clown !

  22. You Just Made My List!on 07 Jul 2011 at 7:47 am

    Whatever helps you think you’ve “won.”

  23. Geezaaron 07 Jul 2011 at 11:08 am

    No no no monsieur you are triumphant I cannot accept your generosity, please you have clearly won with your superior grammar, well done sir 

  24. EMon 05 Aug 2012 at 11:25 am

    Spot on comment dude. Glad sombody is saying this! Now let’s address the camera hog Rachael. (Jr’s wifey)

    What’s her deal?

  25. Carl La Fongon 19 Feb 2013 at 5:28 pm

    You forgot the part where Walrus Face crawls up onto the bare frame, sits where the seat will be, sticks his paws out where the bars might end up and announces, “Dis here bike is gunna be real cumfterble.”
    Then, at the end he sez, ” I tot summa Paulies idears weren’t too good, but I gotta hand it to him, he really pulled it off dis time.”

  26. Ahksehl83on 01 Jul 2013 at 12:51 pm

    yup, you nailed it. Fake drama over stupid shit. What stupid CEO wants a “chopper” anyway? I’ll tell you, someone who is using his companies money to indulge his own fetishes. A stupid overgrown child who should not be in a position of responsibility in the first place. Just imagine what it is like working for a company where you have to periodically praise the piece of shit sitting in the lobby that was put there by a big idiot that has the power to fire you. Why doesn’t he just unzip his pants and demand everyone stroke that as they enter the building? Same thing.