Oct 29 2009

Going “green” for Halloween!

Published by at 3:10 am under Jerks,Why?!?

vintage halloween

From the beginning, let me say I agree with trying to be environmentally responsible and I do things in my own life to reduce my “carbon footprint.” Now that I have that out of the way… stop trying to ruin EVERYTHING you stupid hippies!

Earlier in the week I heard some dingbats on NPR babbling on and on about how to be “green” on Halloween. Not awesome green like a zombie, but lame green like your costume is made out of recycled toilet paper and yard waste.

They had some fantastic tips, like using a beeswax candle in your pumpkin because it’s more sustainable than paraffin, or having a composting party where you compost half of your kid’s candy. You know, the candy they waited all fucking year to collect. Yeah, just go ahead and toss their yummy candy in a bin with kitchen scraps, leaves and worms. Why don’t these parents go ahead and force their kids to dress as Ira Glass or Terry Gross* while they are at it. Dicks.

Do these busy-body hippie turds have to strip the fun out of everything? I’m pretty much a left-wing liberal but when I hear shit like this on NPR it makes me want to have sex with a bald eagle while Ted Nugent pours beer all over me. This program made me want to dress up as a Transformer this Halloween. My costume will consist of real, running motorcycles attached to my arms, a gas-powered lawn mower on my head and my feet will be two actual Hummers that will drive me from house to house. Oh yes, you will hear me coming down your block.

*OK, Terry Gross could be a good costume because you could play with the “gross” angle and be a zombie NPR host. Wait, no, forget I said that. That is the dumbest idea ever and I hate myself for not deleting it right now.

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “Going “green” for Halloween!”

  1. 8bitheroon 29 Oct 2009 at 6:40 am

    Screw the planet.

    As George Carlin once so eloquently put it: “We’re so self-important. So self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. ‘Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.’ And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet, we don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven’t learned how to care for one another, we’re gonna save the fucking planet?”

  2. Saraon 29 Oct 2009 at 7:25 am

    Are you the wookie?

  3. Saraon 29 Oct 2009 at 7:26 am

    no wait shit, Thats a Ewok. Wookies arn’t from Endor

  4. icecycle66on 29 Oct 2009 at 7:29 am

    Fuck the environment. Just like some assholes can justify that everything great in the world came from Istanbul; I can “7 degrees of Kevin Bacon” the shit out of all the worlds problems in connection to environmentalist shit knuckles.

    Kill the planet before it kills us, it’s only a matter of time and I’ll be damned if I let some hunk of dirt be the end of me.

  5. Joeon 29 Oct 2009 at 8:19 am

    carlin was jesus.

  6. hodanon 29 Oct 2009 at 11:21 am

    the ‘eco’ people are making me hate the environment. they’re so fucking annoying.
    i’ll go as a Hummer.

  7. Tommyon 29 Oct 2009 at 12:50 pm

    I just hate people who say “save the planet”. Idiots. The planet will be fine until the Sun goes red giant all over its ass. What they should say is “make sure you don’t fuck up the environment so it can no longer sustain human life and all of its decadence.” but I guess that’s not so catchy.

    On halloween: i love it.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 29 Oct 2009 at 1:50 pm

    Sorry Joe, I had to edit that one. I hate to censor on this site, but I had to in this case.

  9. Paul in Saint Paulon 29 Oct 2009 at 3:18 pm

    The make-up work on Patches is flawless. And who the fuck composts candy?

  10. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jim Davis and Lacy Scott, Susan Culver. Susan Culver said: Going “green” for Halloween! | You just made my list!: From the beginning, let me say I agree with trying to be.. http://bit.ly/2Guqbh […]

  11. Joeon 30 Oct 2009 at 7:32 am

    did i go a little to far with that one?

  12. You Just Made My List!on 30 Oct 2009 at 9:15 am

    Joe – Yeah, pretty much. Sorry. I forgive you and you may still talk about murdering me and having sex with my corpse all you want.

  13. Joeon 30 Oct 2009 at 9:27 am

    well i had a feeling it was a little rough (LOL), but really that shit was horrible. you’re dressing up as st paulie girl right?

  14. You Just Made My List!on 30 Oct 2009 at 10:55 am

    I’m going as St. Pauly Shore

  15. Unnecessary Retardedon 07 Jan 2011 at 2:25 pm

    i dunno that Ewok is pretty bangin.. I have a paperplate at home, I might just dooo this.