Nov 10 2009

Chefs who “reinvent” food!

Published by at 3:14 am under Jerks,Why?!?

reinvented gourmet cheeseburger

Can all you douchebag chefs stop “reinventing” food that is already perfect?

There simply is no way to make the classic, basic cheeseburger better so stopping piling random shit all over it and telling me it’s better. This trend of trying to make greasy fast food into an expensive gourmet meal is lame. Not only do gourmet burgers not taste as good, they are always so tall you have to unhinge your jaw like a fucking python to take a bite. And stop making desserts with Cap’n Crunch crumbs. Ha ha ha (slow clap) we get it, you’re whimsical.

Stop thinking you are so talented that you can take something as amazing as a pancake or a cheeseburger and make it more awesome’er. You can’t. You can’t and your restaurant has a dumb name and is filled with douche wads

My opinions are flawless, just like cheap burgers.

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Chefs who “reinvent” food!”

  1. Jeffon 10 Nov 2009 at 5:42 am

    Ha ha ha (slow clap), we get it, *you’re* whimsical.

  2. Edon 10 Nov 2009 at 6:51 am

    Dear Jeff,
    I hope you are not insulting our host, who has recently recovered from illness to bring us his insight.
    No one is forcing you to venture to this site and take in its awesome contents. Take your slow clap and go eat a $40 mini tofu burger topped with raisins and leave the wit and wisdom of this site to the rest of us mere mortals.
    It would be one thing to attack the point; maybe reinvented food is good. But don’t go attacking the host. What are you, in cooking school? I’m sure Ellen has something on that is really funny and even more whimsical that you can clap quickly at.

  3. a percussioniston 10 Nov 2009 at 8:21 am

    shut the fuck up ed

  4. Peteon 10 Nov 2009 at 9:10 am

    A good cheeseburger is actually hard to mess up, but you’re right–some people can do just that, and they are indeed douchebags.

  5. calebon 10 Nov 2009 at 9:49 am

    the only variation of a classic old fashioned cheeseburger that i like is the Jucy Lucy, a local favorite here in Minneapolis. Instead of putting the cheese ON the patty, they put the cheese IN the patty – so basically it’s a beef patty filled with molten cheese. you must eat it carefully. throw some bacon on it and you can’t go wrong.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:14 am

    Jeff – Thanks. I hate myself for that typo. In my defense, it was like 2 am when I wrote this.

  7. Anonymouson 10 Nov 2009 at 11:12 am

    Oh come on, don’t you think Guy Fieri has a totally new and amazing culinary point of view?

  8. calebon 10 Nov 2009 at 2:31 pm

    @ Anonymous – you may have a point. he does apparently have eyes on the back of his head, which would make for an interesting point of view…

  9. laura marieon 10 Nov 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Advice: never eat at Graham Elliot. I’d like to think I’ve taken that bullet for SOMEONE…might as well be you.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 10 Nov 2009 at 6:14 pm

    Laura – I did eat there once actually. I was underwhelmed by the service and was annoyed by the concept of upscale dinning with AC/DC playing over the speakers. I thought most of the food was good but way overpriced. I tried to avoid most of the silly dishes.

    Hey, I see on your blog you are in marketing. Ever need freelance designers? I’m pretty much the best designer that has ever existed.

  11. joeon 12 Nov 2009 at 12:29 am

    caleb for best post.

  12. eddkatzon 23 Aug 2010 at 8:46 pm

    How’s about the lazy fuckers that serve “deconstructed” food in their eateries?

    They can’t put together the GD dish, they charge 30-45% more for it and then call it the something stupid like Lettuce, Tomato and Bacon Panini?

    I agree with Listy on the stupid names of the restaurants.

    I’d never eat in a place called a ‘brassiere’ What’s next?

    Eating out at Panties??

  13. You Just Made My List!on 24 Aug 2010 at 9:09 am

    I want a restaurant named “Panties,” immediately.