Feb 04 2010

The Apple store and Threadless iPhone cases!

Published by at 11:10 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks

apple store employees

Lucky you, today you get to hear me complain about two things that suck.

1) The Apple store!

Let me first say that I love Apple products. However, I’m not a blind “fanboy,” rather I love Macs because they FUCKING WORK and as a graphic designer there is no substitute. Unfortunately I have had to spend a lot of time in the Apple store this week due to the cockless anus face who stole my computer. Have you been in an Apple store recently? They are bucking the system by eliminating any form of check out counter. Instead, each hip t-shirt-wearing employee has the ability to complete your purchase right there where they are standing in their skinny jeans. This may look cool, but it means the end of waiting in a orderly line to be served. The only way, literally, to be served in an Apple store is to stand in the middle of the floor with a confused look, like a sad puppy begging for a Snausage. It makes you feel like a whore standing on a street corner trying to out-whore the other whores.

2) Threadless iPhone cases!

If you have any doubt as to why I FUCKING HATE Threadless, please watch this video and it will all be clear. These fucking assholes at Griffin Technology and Threadless are acting like they cured cancer when they accidentally mixed their cure for A.I.D.S. with their cure for multiple sclerosis. Mark McGlon (never has a last name so perfectly described a lumpy tub of crap) practically has tears in his fat eyes as he describes the printing of doodles on plastic iPhone cases as “brilliant.” Brilliant? BRILLIANT?!? And if you ever wanted to see inside the empty mind of a Threadless design winner (and Threadless employee… hmmmmm), please watch douchebag hipster nerd Joe Van Wetering describe the BRILLIANT design process behind his doodles. Please get your gentle voice and Hitler hair out of my dreams and into my car, where I will drive you to a warehouse and force you to makeout with a girl.

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24 comments so far

24 comments to “The Apple store and Threadless iPhone cases!”

  1. mikeon 04 Feb 2010 at 12:53 pm

    You are truly back with a fury. Its like you took all that anger you have for the cockless anus face and directed it simultaniously at Apple store and threadless. That is the only brilliant thing I have witnessed today.

    And I totally agree, I love Apple, because i’m a designer as well, but definately not a fan boy. and had to to experience the same confused shame recently when i needed to get a new mac book pro. What’s wrong with lines Steve Jobs! They can be very calming when you are about to drop a couple grand.

  2. Jayon 04 Feb 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I only go to the Apple store if I need a repair and they do that very efficiently. Both times they even waved the fee despite my computer being well beyond it’s warranty, so no complaints.

    I’ve visited the Threadless site a few times and have yet to see a design I like. The video is many kinds of wrong.

  3. Edon 04 Feb 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Easy big fella. This is the 3rd rail with me. Steve Jobs and Apple can do no wrong. They have changed my pathetic life. I confess: I am a fanboy, although I will not be buying an iPad anytime soon. Not that much of a fanboy.
    I hear you about the store though. No one who uses computers for a living or a lifestyle can take being in there with all the grandmas looking to score their first computer and teen pukes checking their facebook accounts to see what their friend(s) stuck at home are doing at that very moment.
    And the pseudo-stoners walking up and asking for my credit card with everyone “testing out” the computers right next to me? Not a fan of that approach either.
    I’m with you there.
    I wish they had some kind of homing device so you could track down the tool that violated your space and took your sh*t. Maybe that’s their one flaw.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 04 Feb 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Ed – Oh my god yes! All the teens playing with Photo Booth while you are trying to make a $2500 purchase is fucking annoying!

  5. SanFranon 04 Feb 2010 at 6:06 pm

    I have a very specific use/need/want for the iPad: to snort coke off of a picture of a strippers tits.

    Otherwise, I think it has little use for me. I try to avoid the Apple Store – (well, truthfully, all stores) because it’s so busy here in San Francisco ALL THE TIME. It’s a hipster magnet (they only pretend not to spend money). Nothing against the store itself though – I find the check-out process to be rather nice. That being said: as an editor/media/photographer type, I’d be outta work if not for the Mac platform

    Threadless: I have no opinion. If Listy says it sucks, I have no reason to disagree.

    That is all. Now go about your businesses, you buncha whack bitchez.

  6. Jeffon 04 Feb 2010 at 7:21 pm

    You hit on a good one here – that picture inspires an uncontrollable rage inside me.

    I just can’t stand it when corporate drones pretend that they are individuals. I wish Apple gave all of their employees a gray, ill-fitting uniform and docked their pay if they forgot to say ‘would you like some iTunes credits with that?’

    But y’know, for all your bellyaching, Threadless is actually a good idea. The fact that it produces little of value is a clear demonstration that design is actually hard and cannot be ‘crowdsourced.’ Surely that’s reassuring to you, not infuriating.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 04 Feb 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Jeff – Threadless is a good idea, however it is one they stole from another online design competition. They even based the name off a variation of the original.

  8. Andraon 04 Feb 2010 at 8:31 pm

    Fucking A that is annoying. I Love the end of the video: “Brilliant, awesome, brilliant and awesome, more brilliant than awesome”.

    You are right on, these people are morons. Oh yeah and I love you truly, madly and deeply
    XOXO

  9. Amanda Cateon 05 Feb 2010 at 4:43 am

    The Apple store is seriously the most intimidating place ever. I’d rather go to a doctor’s appointment than have to make my way into the Apple store. The first time I was in there I panicked because 10 different bros wearing the same blue shirts kept lurking behind me, basically whispering “Can I help you with anything?” in my ear. I just wanted to see what the fuss was about, guy in a wrinkled blue shirt, please leave me alone.

    Hey Listy, I’m playing the lottery this week and since you understand the fact that I am convinced I’m going to win, I’ll cut you a nice check so you can buy lots of new things. And way cooler things than what those asshole thieves stole. It’s going to rule.

  10. CreatureofHabiton 05 Feb 2010 at 7:25 am

    The thing is, Americans love lines. Us and the Germans. I stood there with a cable I ran in to buy for 10 minutes, fully doing the sad dog look, begging for someone to check me out. It sucked. Not to mention all those skinny jeans and saggy asses.

    Have you ever traveled to Asia? They have no respect for the line. It’s chaos. Shouting and pushing….. clearly Jobs is a Chinese communist!

  11. matton 05 Feb 2010 at 2:47 pm

    Who are you? you wouldn’t know a good idea if it hit you in the face.
    Threadless with Griffin is brilliant, and doing quite well I may add.
    take care

  12. jasonon 05 Feb 2010 at 2:53 pm

    short version – more crap that is a unnecessary necessity for the indulgent north american lifetsyle.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 05 Feb 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Matt – Thanks for explaining, I can now see why some hipster nerd’s doodles printed on a cell phone case are brilliant. I couldn’t understand until you presented such an amazing argument.

    Of course they are “doing quite well,” most stupid, bland, middle-of-the-road, predictable crap does well – for example, Nickleback, Carlos Mencia, Dockers, Bud Light, Dave Matthews Band, Jersey Shore, etc. The dumbasses are easy to please so don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.

    Who am I? I’m the COOLEST MOST AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER IN THE FUCKING WORLD!

    take care

  14. Paul in Saint Paulon 05 Feb 2010 at 7:30 pm

    If your computer works, you can just make an online appointment with a clerk at the store. Of course, I don’t think they use the everyday words “appointment” and “clerk,” but that’s the thrust of it. You have to have the balls to announce yourself, but you’ll get somebody to help you close to your scheduled time. Good luck with all the replacement apple products!

  15. Edon 05 Feb 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Matt, You just made MY list.
    Who is he? Our leader. Now screw.

  16. Yubberson 07 Feb 2010 at 5:21 am

    The last 10 seconds of the video made me want to pick up the monitor and shove my head through it. Even with the pain…. sweet relief…..

  17. Sirius Wangon 29 Jun 2010 at 7:38 am

    Just read your original post and now this one, when do you actually set up your argument? You’re at the lowest quality of a person trying to argue their point can go, you’re name calling(the last resort for any tard on the internet) and attacking the characteristics and authority of Threadless but lacking any substance in your argument to back it up.

    Example: I fucking hate donuts, it’s just a turd in a dough ring form, but now do I hate every donut? No, but 98% of them are shit and the only people who buy them are retarded cops. I hope people won’t point out that I state my opinions with ignorant garbage in hopes to degrade the people who like what I hate, but… maybe presenting my rant like it’s fact people will eat it up and agree with me.

  18. You Just Made My List!on 29 Jun 2010 at 9:01 am

    Sirius(ly small) Wang – You want me to reiterate my argument? OK, here goes… People who worship Threadless (you) are hipster pussies (you).

    Thank you for proving my point, by the way, with your incoherent ramblings. You illustrate perfectly what kind of morons love Threadless. I hope English is your second language.

    Look, stop being jealous of me and go on with your life. Wear your little t-shirts with sandwiches riding skateboards and hamsters break-dancing and forget I exist. Obsessing over wanting to be as awesome as me will get you nowhere in life because it’s simply not going to happen. But that’s OK, very few people rule as hard as I do.

    P.S. “You’re at the lowest quality of a person trying to argue their point can go, you’re name calling(the last resort for any tard on the internet)” – Head over to dictionary.com and look up “irony” and then crack open your English textbook and feel ashamed, feel very ashamed.

  19. Armandon 13 Apr 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Fanboys do suck, but you’re still spewing the same crap that they are 😐

    “because they FUCKING WORK”, translated: I don’t know how to use a PC and would much rather blame the PC for not doing what I want instead of admitting I don’t know what i’m doing.

    “and as a graphic designer there is no substitute.”

    A PC is a great substitute, if you compare PC models with Mac models of the same specs, you’ll see how outrageous Apple prices are. And designer software is going to operate the same on both operating systems All it takes is a little patience to learn how to use a PC.

    If you like Macs better because you fail at using a PC, thats fine! Just don’t say “because macs work”. Say, ” Because i’m used to the operating system” or “I’m not so good with windows.”

  20. You Just Made My List!on 13 Apr 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Calm down nerd, go play some Magic The Gathering or something.

  21. scottsherwoodon 23 Jul 2011 at 3:44 am

    Umm… has anyone realized that the two so-called winners for the threadless iphone case contest are both threadless employees ? They are both all over the website as template models!

  22. scottsherwoodon 23 Jul 2011 at 4:04 am

    The one winner of the contest that created the birds of a feather design I just found out is the art director for threadless

  23. You Just Made My List!on 23 Jul 2011 at 11:23 am

    Man, there is no end to the depths of sucking Threadless can achieve. It’s just another corporate scam, masking itself in the flag of “hipness.”

  24. celmaigrozavon 01 Jan 2014 at 6:11 pm

    That dude at the end looks like he only knows 2 words…awesome and brilliant. Very intelligent. Probably in the range of iq 75 or so. Impressive, I must say. And yes, all these crowdsourcing scam sites suck……threadless, 99designs to name just two. They are tons of them lately, making a good living from people trapped in Pakistan, let’s say and o ther crappy areas, with no means to get away and to happy to dream at the few bucks they might get, while selling their souls.