Feb 22 2010

Washboard players!

washboard douchebags

Congratulations, you can scrape two things together, now that’s what I call talent!

Not since the invention of the hacky sack have smelly fuckheads had such a useless form to express themselves. Isn’t it ironic that filthy hippies would choose an object made for cleaning to make “music?”

I guess it makes sense really. Some folksy turd was probably sitting around his shack when something shiny in the corner caught his eye. Having never washed his clothes or body, he stared and poked at it like the apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey when the monolith appears. He probably grabbed his booger-pickin’ spoon from the cluttered floor and threw it at the washboard, thinking it was some sort of a dag-gone space monster or something. Well there must have been something about that horrible clang of metal hitting metal that sounded like music to his dirty hillbilly ears, because the next thing you know, he’s jiving and shucking all over the woods with his jug of xxx moonshine and his new “instrument.”

Now, thanks to this dick, I’m forced to see these assholes every Fat Tuesday on the wacky morning news, jamming with some shitty Zydeco band. You know what? Zydeco, you just made my list too. You suck!

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10 comments so far

10 comments to “Washboard players!”

  1. Saraon 22 Feb 2010 at 8:26 am

    My husband came from a Clutch show to tell me about the opening band Rev Paytons Fucking big damn band or something. And there was big fat lady washboard player that burned it Hendrix style at the end of the show. He was pretty impressed.

    My mother comes from a long line of hillbillies (that line doest branch very much) and believe me moonshine makes you think any shitty noise that comes from a rudimentary object if a fucking symphony

  2. You Just Made My List!on 22 Feb 2010 at 8:50 am

    Sara – First, let me say that Clutch rules! Secondly, the story of the burning washboard made me sad for humanity.

  3. Leslieon 02 Mar 2010 at 11:30 pm

    I never thought I would ever see a photo of someone I know posted on your website! Washboard Hank has played in my living room, and has had me at his house to drink beer! This is too funny! You made my day, thank you!

  4. You Just Made My List!on 02 Mar 2010 at 11:40 pm

    Leslie – You let that guy in your house?

  5. Leslieon 04 Mar 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Yes I did, and my college room mate dated him.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 05 Mar 2010 at 9:52 am

    Leslie – The guy with the wacky hat? He has had sex? With a girl? A human girl???

  7. Leslieon 05 Mar 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Yes, the guy with the funny hat is Washboard Hank. and i know a lot more about his sex life then I care to admit. I also made fun of my roommate when she was dating him, because he is as old as her father, but he is a very nice guy.

    where did you get this photo? cuz I have never seen this hat before, he normally wears a hat slightly smaller then this one, with a big bell on the front that he slaps. You can hate washboard players, and I hate most of them too, but washbaord hank is puts on a good show, and he is hilarious to watch. A little political, he hates both george bush, and stephen douchebag harper, and lets everyone at his show know that stompin tom should be canada’s next prime minister. Not sure how he feels about Obama, as I haven’t seen him perform for a few years.

    Hank is actually related to a cousin of mine who messaged you last year when she thought you should fill me with hate babies. I just can not believe that someone I know made your list. This is incredibly funny, and makes me feel like i know famous people!

  8. Leahon 15 Mar 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Bahahaha…. I LOVE Washboard Hank…. And I still think that you should fill my cousin, Leslie, with hate babies even though I disagree completely with the Washboard Player thing….. I actually think you and Hank have a lot in common…. If you ever get a chance to see him live, you should do it!

  9. You Just Made My List!on 15 Mar 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Hate babies for everyone!

  10. Fylleguppeon 13 Sep 2010 at 3:32 pm

    The world needs more cowbell!