May 11 2010

Elmo! Elmo and Sesame Street now! But mostly Elmo!

Published by at 3:22 am under Jerks,Sucky TV

I hate Elmo

Who the fuck does this asshole think he is?

When did this red piece of shit take over Sesame Street? He strolls around the neighborhood like he’s John Gotti, forcing all other puppets to live under constant fear of being whacked.

Apparently this dick has been around since the early 70s, which is strange because I grew up on Sesame Street in the early/mid 70s and I can’t recall ever seeing his lame ass on my parent’s giant TV with sliding doors so you could make it look like “furniture” when not in use. Yeah nice piece of furniture, a giant wood box in the middle of the room. What, were people supposed to come over and gush over what a lovely wood box you had? Come on people, get your head in the game! But I digress.

The point is, I watched a hell of a lot of Sesame Street in the 70s, partially because back then we had about 5 channels to choose from, but mostly because it kicked ass. Cookie Monster was still existing exclusively on a cookie diet, not this “sometime me eat vegetables” nonsense, Mr. Hooper’s Store was the hottest place on Sesame Street to spot celebrities and motherfucking Snuffleupagus was still only seen by Big Bird God damn it! You know who I don’t remember being awesome, or even around? Elmo! I’m guessing he’s Grover’s gay cousin or something but to be honest, I don’t care to know his background.

Somehow through a series of back-alley deals and intimidation Elmo has risen through the ranks to control the Sesame Street territory. I know I should probably fear for my life for speaking so openly but enough is enough, FUCK ELMO, it’s time to take him out!

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20 comments so far

20 comments to “Elmo! Elmo and Sesame Street now! But mostly Elmo!”

  1. Jim Joneson 11 May 2010 at 6:33 am

    As with other shows, the creator dies and it goes all to shit. I guess the producers want to “keep up with the times.” I’m referring of course to shit like teletubbies and all those other dumbass shows that are forced upon our kids!

  2. Jeffon 11 May 2010 at 6:41 am

    Elmo is banned from our house. That insipid laugh goes right through me.

  3. Peteon 11 May 2010 at 7:50 am

    Elmo took over like twenty years ago. He made appearances pre-1990, but he really stole the show after that. Like you, I was weaned on the original show and was like, “Hey–who’s the Red Grover?”

  4. Saraon 11 May 2010 at 9:52 am

    Jeff- Elmo is also banned from our house. Smart ass brat always talking in third person like Jimmy from Seinfeld. I figured he was related to that wuss Tellie ya know the red fur and all.

  5. Perryon 11 May 2010 at 10:50 am

    Yeah, what the hell?

    Last time I checked in, Sesame Street was an hour long and the whole second half was something called “Elmo’s World”.

    This asshole get’s literally half of the fucking show?! No, I say!

  6. You Just Made My List!on 11 May 2010 at 11:01 am

    Perry – Thanks for ruining my week.

  7. utter_scoundrelon 11 May 2010 at 11:13 am

    Welcome to 1987.

  8. Jonathanon 11 May 2010 at 11:53 am

    Bring back Herry and he’ll break Elmo’s kneecaps lickety-split.

  9. Jayon 11 May 2010 at 12:59 pm

    My niece has to watch Elmo every night before going to sleep. And Disney owns 90% of all kids programming, scary.

  10. Tommyon 11 May 2010 at 1:15 pm

    who cares. beat kids

  11. Adion 11 May 2010 at 1:27 pm

    I watched a little bit of sesame street in the 80s, and i haven’t watched much of it since then. Still i don’t really remember much of elmo. The only thing i really remember about elmo is that stupid bullshit in the 90’s over the giggling toy, the one that had people looting wal marts and trampling people. Fuck elmo.

  12. Detective John Kimbleon 11 May 2010 at 3:37 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYGhmJD9LKc

    Just in case you havent watched that video. Good for Elmo haters

  13. You Just Made My List!on 11 May 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Thanks for a lifetime of nightmares.

  14. Ericaon 12 May 2010 at 12:06 am

    Awesome! I totally agree here listy. Christ, I have two kids and I am forced to watch this big red asshole all the time. It is just horrible. And why does he have to talk in the fucking third person? “Elmo like Dorothy”, “Elmo like Cookie”…”Elmo like jerking off”.

    He is just an awful incarnation. Thanks for the laughs!!! Oh and you inspired me to begin a blog:

    http://myguidetoidiots.blogspot.com/

    It is nice to vent!!!!!!!!

  15. You Just Made My List!on 12 May 2010 at 9:05 am

    Erica – I’m sorry that I inspired you to start a blog. You will soon grow to hate it and blame me for ruining your life. Trust me, it will happen!

  16. Ericaon 12 May 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Uh oh…that does not sound promising! I am sure I will get someone who is like “that is not christian…you suck, etc” But I swear to god I just cannot stand IDIOTS! I will never blame you though, you have enhanced my life and given me new hope!! 🙂

    I may even start ending my emails with an inspiring message….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  17. kenon 13 May 2010 at 2:59 pm

    I don’t suffer fools gladly but damn if I don’t like Elmo. It helps that I have a young daughter who I only allow to watch an hour of TV a day and Sesame Street is it. None of that Yo Gabba Gabba hipster BS, straight up SS all the way.

    You know who sucks? Bert. He’s a downer, hates everything. I also don’t like Mr. Noodle, he’s creepy. I am bummed that everyone on the ‘Street’ can see Snuffleupagus but hey, they don’t keep score at kids soccer and t-ball games anymore either, so everything sucks now.

  18. […] from the 70s and 80s. OK, I guess the puppets of Sesame Street were bad ass (not that piece of shit Elmo) but most other puppets from that era look like fucking burn victims. Burn victims who want to lure […]

  19. Amanda-Bethon 26 Sep 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I can explain this evil red little monster ans praise the Lord he isn’t related to telly or Grover. I was born in 1985 and am oldest of 9,7 living so yeah he irks the crud out of me. He was ocasional used prior to 1980 and only used to add spark of cuteness up until 91. Yes his soul orginal purpose once found right puppeter was to be cute. In 91 he crept into more and more scences. Till around 96 when for time being they gave him his own world at first was only 15 mintues of him. Around 98-99 they gave him a half hour if only they kept him in that little box. They around 2004-2005(yes I even have one younger then that) They let him out added Zoey. Around 2007 they added abby fairy. Now the show is mostly these 3 and I swear elmo changed the characters. Telly was already sad sap before elmo but with adition of elmo and baby bear he is probably whimpering off screen. There is no explaining what happened to grover. They have turned Harry into a weird guy he has a dolly and plays wit zoey and lou lou that’s another monster idk when lou lou appeared. To me it makes sence knowing about snuffy because I’ve done some reasearch nothing else to do when disabled I understand why making snuffy known. Big bird has gotten rather quite unless talking to Bob or asking Maria for something sence a certain monster has taken over sesame street. Snuffv is still snuffy when he gets screen time. Ernie, Bert and Prarie now have been mostly pushed off the main street but they did give them their own half hour show with grover to help out and of course those 3 take advantage of grover.

  20. Amyon 14 Dec 2013 at 12:42 pm

    If you don’t have kids then why are you ranting about Elmo? Elmo is a cute little furry creature and my daughters love him, so do the majority of kids on this world!