Jun 01 2010

I’m sailing away!

Published by at 3:13 am under Jerks

hang in there baby poster

I know you have had a rough week with God going on yet another killing spree, nabbing Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman and Paul Gray (Slipknot) with his greedy cloud hands, but I am afraid I have more bad news… I am taking a week off. I’m going to be away from computer machines for most of the week so unless you want me to call you personally for an over-the-phone rant, I will not be able to share my important opinions with you. I know it will be difficult but I believe in you and know you will be able to make it one week without me.

Please do not visit any other so-called websites in my absence.

Fart.

Be Sociable, Share!

21 comments so far

21 comments to “I’m sailing away!”

  1. Amanda Cateon 01 Jun 2010 at 6:21 am

    A week?! You just made my list, Listy. I’ll call you in five minutes.

  2. Yours Trulyon 01 Jun 2010 at 6:56 am

    I called your hotline, and I have a few complaints:

    First: Why are you charging $1.25/min? Is this just some cheap attempt to make money?

    Second: It was not you on the phone. Rather, it was a woman with a rather sensual voice. Is she still giving your opinions?

    Third: Instead of humourous ranting, your stand-in would only talk about things of a sexual nature. You did not warn me of that on this site. Maybe if you did, I wouldn’t have it on speakerphone so my co-workers could hear what I thought was going to be an inane rant. Well, several complaints to HR and now I’m fired. Jerk.

    And Finally:

    What the hell is a rim job?

  3. Jim Joneson 01 Jun 2010 at 7:03 am

    We all need time to recover from the untimely passing of Gary Coleman!!!

  4. Adion 01 Jun 2010 at 5:14 pm

    What the hell is the deal? Over the last year and a half or so god seems to have been going on a celebrity killing spree. Why can’t he kill some people i really hate? I guess i need to pray more.

  5. Paul in Saint Paulon 01 Jun 2010 at 8:32 pm

    No shit on the celebrity massacres, though Dennis Hopper’s inherent creepiness and Gary Coleman’s tragic bitterness may be tempered by their deaths.

    I know I shouldn’t be cheating with other websites, but
    http://www.whosdatedwho.com/news/?type=711
    really helped me catch up on all the celebrity passings. I also like all the dating information that I wasn’t privy to before. I’d like to construct flow charts and Venn diagrams from this mountain of data.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 01 Jun 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Paul – I have to admit, when I heard Gary died I felt sort of relieved on his behalf. He had a shit life and always looked like he was on the brink of going insane.

  7. Jonathanon 03 Jun 2010 at 9:01 am

    You’re a cunt. What am I supposed to do with my days while you’re gone? Work??

  8. SanFranon 03 Jun 2010 at 10:17 am

    I’m detecting a pattern: when I am out of town, Listy takes a break. It’s happened more than a few times now.

    All the rest of you are just tourists here – its clear this list is for me.

    FUCK OFF, FUCKERS!

  9. Jonathanon 03 Jun 2010 at 11:53 am

    You go on vacation and LOOK WHAT HAPPENS: God kills Rue McClanahan. NEVER LEAVE US AGAIN.

  10. Jonathanon 03 Jun 2010 at 11:53 am

    PS: God killed Gary Coleman on MY birthday.

  11. ffafon 03 Jun 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Listy, you can never quit for real. I know you’re on vacation, yet for some reason I have clicked on my link to your blog everyday this week. I’m simply lost without your rants about everything that is wrong with this earth. We might all start liking Guy Fieri if you don’t return soon.

  12. Ericaon 03 Jun 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Yeah, wtf? Are you vacationing on the Lost island with no internet???? Are you in Nepal atop Mt. Everest? Get a laptop, netbook, iPad or whatever and start ranting!!!!!!!!

  13. Karaon 03 Jun 2010 at 7:40 pm

    Rue McClanahan R.I.P. šŸ™

  14. Saraon 04 Jun 2010 at 8:23 am

    Some memorable quotes;

    Gary Coleman: “I asked for the Galaxy of Prawns, 4 prawns is hardley a galaxy. What?! Let me talk to Mr Quan”
    Lisa: The phones not even plugged in

    Frank from Blue Velvet: Fuck you, you fucking fuck
    (this quotes is used by me daily, usualy on the road)

    Blanch: I’m a dried up old whore.

    I’m pretty sure she said that…..I was usualy high while watching Golden Girls

    and one more for the road

    Frank – Hey you wanna go for a ride?
    Jeffrey – No thanks.
    Frank – No thanks? What does that mean?
    Jeffrey – I don’t wanna go.
    Frank – Go where?
    Jeffrey – For a ride.
    Frank – A ride! Now that’s a good idea!

  15. You Just Made My List!on 04 Jun 2010 at 9:00 am

    Sara – Thank you, I think that was a perfect tribute. Thanks for doing my work for me so I can get back to searching for clown-related porn.

  16. billmigukon 04 Jun 2010 at 9:28 am

    Here’s some delicious clown porn to get you going, Listy.

    http://clownpornmovies.dooza.com/?wid=354321

    …And I thought the Japanese had some freaky shit…jesus, people…what the fuck is wrong with you!!??

  17. You Just Made My List!on 04 Jun 2010 at 9:34 am

    Billmiguk – Thanks for the quality clown porn, it will start the weekend off right. TGIF!

  18. Ericaon 04 Jun 2010 at 9:40 pm

    I am going to go back and watch all the GG episodes high…thanks Sara!

  19. Ericaon 05 Jun 2010 at 3:03 am

    Listy…I have another one for you…check this bitch out and tell me what you think:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbsSeVr5NSI

    My husband and I were literally rolling around laughing our asses off!! Someone in marketing is losing their job…

  20. You Just Made My List!on 05 Jun 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Erica – Yeah I have seen that commercial and it is truly amazing, too awesome to even write about! I full support it.

  21. Ericaon 05 Jun 2010 at 9:38 pm

    I just feel sorry for all the men who will now have HUGE right forearms and puny left ones…oh and really hairy palms. That’s hot!