Jun 29 2010

M. Night Shyamalan and his shit movies!

Published by at 3:43 am under Jerks,Your Movie Stinks

M. Night. Shyamalan's movies suck

Bruce Willis is really a ghost. Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson are really superheroes. Water kills aliens and Mel Gibson’s wife tells him to swing some dumb baseball bat on her deathbed. The village is really an experiment and the movie actually takes place in modern times. The lady in the water is, I don’t know, magic or something. Plants are making people commit suicide.

SPOILER ALERT! Whoops, I did that wrong.

Feel free to send me thank you cards and gifts for saving you from wasting several hours of your life sitting through this bullshit. I prefer vintage acoustic guitars. (No Spanish or classical guitars please and obviously pre-1970)

First of all, how did a guy named M. Night Shyamymallanam7an even find work in Hollywood? What ever happened to directors with names like JOHN FORD and COEN BROTHERS? To be honest, I don’t have the five minutes it takes to say M. Night Shyamama$llayaymama, I’ve got shit to do, pal. I have a recall on my car to repair something that might cause my car to burst into flames and it has gone ignored for over 4 years, what makes you think I’m going to have time to pronounce your fucked-up name?

Remember when we all saw The Sixth Sense for the first time? After the movie we walked to our cars excitedly talking over each other, saying things like, “I never saw it coming” and “that kid who saw dead people was sooooo good” and “I totally can’t wait to rent this at Blockbuster on VHS video tape format so I can look for clues.” Well, we were a bunch of assholes. The sooner we can admit it the sooner we can begin the healing process.

UPDATE. Watch this.

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72 comments so far

72 comments to “M. Night Shyamalan and his shit movies!”

  1. theyounggeniuson 09 Feb 2011 at 12:05 pm

    He fucked my favorite show it. Avatar the last airbender is the best show ever and he managed to fuck it up when everything is right there infront of his face.

  2. dumpinhismouthon 27 Feb 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Thank god i am not alone
    I actually typed “m night shyamalan sucks” in google and I got this website.

    what I don’t get is how can you kill aliens with water?
    In a planet that has hydrogen+oxygen (water) in the air and basically water vapor almost everywhere? and 75% of the planet is water and one of the key ingredients for the planet to be created in the first place was hydrogen which composes 75% of the fucking universe. These aliens would never had a chance in the first place
    Why not kill them with wood or petrol or even lemon juice? some other natural resource?

    I mean How stupid can a single man BE????
    If any of you spots M. shamalading-dong on the street please hold him down and shit directly into his mouth.

  3. Lion in The Northon 18 Mar 2011 at 5:28 am

    What I don’t understand about Mr. M.Night Shlongalingam (apart from being arguably the worst mainstream director of all time), is that he choses to initialise his first name in a trendy fashion, yet lets us endure the (admittedly) challenging surname. Just saying. Furthermore, after viewing the mammoth hype for “Signs”, I paid my money and checked it out. I stayed to the end in the mistaken belief that it would have a great surprise ending, but left very disappointed and feeling that I had actually been mugged for my cash. Mr.Night, you are a charlatan of the first order (pakora dressed as chicken tandoori) and any actor who validates your films by having the greedy stupidity to appear in them, is a blight on the “profession”…step right up, Mr. Gibson. The name M. Night Shyamalan is a byword for the most amateur, mediocre and sly chicanery, and I thank God that you never became a doctor instead.

  4. lyle hardwickon 31 May 2011 at 3:56 pm

    The public fell into and subsquently out of love with David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. They only wanted to know who killed Laura Palmer and didn’t understand it was the trip and not the destination that mattered. And think the same type of people feel this way about Mr Shylaman.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 31 May 2011 at 4:02 pm

    David Lynch/Twin Peaks = GENIUS
    Shyamalan = crap

  6. Lt. Scheisskopfon 28 Jul 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Idea: We make him cultural ambassador to France, they fall in love with him and his cinematic genius, he stays the fuck over there. Thus we get rid of him and fuck France in the process.

  7. Lt. Scheisskopfon 28 Jul 2011 at 4:56 pm

    …excuse me, I forgot to close with “win-win.”

  8. Melancholy Griffinon 13 Aug 2011 at 6:51 pm

    M. Night Shyamalan doesn’t suck at all! He is in fact Alfred Hitchcock of new,…….. at least he was all that from the beginning of Wide Awake (That’s right he made a heartwarng sentimental film well before The Sixth Sense) until the “twist ending” of Signs [which was a good movie until then] (And this is coming from someone who hates Mel Gibson)

    And maybe one day,when someone beats the ego tumor out of his brain(which grew rapidly with The Village and all but took over everything with this simpering garbage that was “based on the cartoon by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko)

    Maybe then Unreakable 2 will come,maybe then he might do better and actually resign.

    Until then,M. Night doesn’t suck at al. He SWALLOWS

  9. Meh!on 24 Sep 2011 at 2:27 am

    MKS’s films…

    Painfully slow and tedious
    Random and pointless
    Stories that just end without explanation or resolution
    Plenty of non-essential plot nonsense
    Poorly written stories that just drag on and on
    At times just plain stupid
    Painful, cumbersome dialogue
    Films are waaaaay too long
    Pompous filmmaker who thinks he’s the cats meow
    Stephen King wanna be
    Especially The Happening, The Village, Signs, Lady in the Water..seriously WTF was that garbage?

  10. Stop Playing the Racist Cardon 24 Sep 2011 at 2:53 am

    You have to laugh at how some pea brained people start throwing around the term racist just because someone who happens (not that it matters) to be of Indian decent is getting slammed for being a crap film maker (which he is).

    I should start looking on threads bashing ‘white’ directors for non-European names on the posts and call them racist. Actually I would never do that because it is pure stupidity.

    Stop bringing foolish racial discrimination accusations into everything it’s as bad and ignorant as actual racism.

  11. Dearraon 28 Oct 2011 at 7:01 pm

    He does suck. I don’t think he ever actually watched a full episode of Avatar. That’s one of my favorite shows and I was really excited to see it when it was coming out. It was boring, horribly paced, they pronounced every name wrong, most of the actors weren’t Asian, bad acting, many things wrong, left important stuff out.
    Overall, it sucked, one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. And most of his other movies aren’t that great either.

  12. Johnon 28 Jun 2012 at 5:38 pm

    i bet if he directs the legend of korr he’ll have morgan freeman play fuckin tenzin. what a dumbass

  13. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jun 2012 at 6:05 pm

    John – I don’t know what any of that means but as long as it’s anti-Shyamalan I’m OK with it.

  14. Dirkon 04 Jul 2012 at 11:00 am

    His only decent movie was 6th Sense, which is starting to seem like a fluke. I didn’t see Airbender, mainly because Im a grown ass man lmfao, you clowns are silly, wtf were you expecting with a title like that? Loons.. Devil was horrible, pretty much every movie after 6th Sense was so bad I had to wonder what kind of psychedelics we has on while making them. I remember going to see Signs with a friend of mine, when the lights came on the entire theater was quiet, it was like the cogs in their minds were unable to pick a direction to turn in, I looked at my friend and said “They can’t open a f#@king door?!? They built space ships but they can’t open a damned door?!?”, the girl behind me shook her head in agreement and before long everyone was mumbling and walking out. He cornered himself into an invasion and then found the most retarded half-assed ending, thats his m.o. He manages to make decent story-lines enough to get me semi-interested and everything is good right up until you start to question how it might end; the dumbest most asinine way imaginable, its almost like he can’t help it. Shyamalan, if you’re reading this — just do the OPPOSITE of what your brain tells you, after 6th Sense you’re really not going to pull off a twist ending anymore, people are expecting it to much. Thats why you keep going to the outer reaches of logic and what normal people would consider a movie, you’re so far out there that a child could come up with a more satisfying conclusion, just make movies and forget about doing some WOW ending, its not going to happen.

  15. Alberton 14 Jul 2012 at 11:12 pm

    This guy truly sucks, he is a man with a shitty existence. He probably fucks his heroins and because of that he cant make them act better. He is a shame to all the hollywood. I would really like to kick his butt…………..

  16. Fireferreton 06 Sep 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Look all you racist fucks out there, being racist has nothing to do with the fact that M. Night is a shitbirdcuntnuggetdouchecanoe who couldn’t keep his hands off something completely original, magical, and overall genius that has escaped tv for a long fucking time. He crushed the dreams and hopes of all the people who had ever watched the show and thought to themselves “hey this would be an awesome movie” and went to go see it. After that, well… you can see where I’m going with this. The point is M. Night should be banned from ever touching another idea that shouldn’t have been fucked with in the first place. With a twist… of what??? lemon?

    Screw you shamallamadingdong.

  17. BadgermoleBender12on 07 Sep 2012 at 6:08 am

    Yeah. Pretty much. Btw, I gotta ask, is that supposed to be one word, shitbirdcuntnuggetdouchecanoe, or three seperate words?? Oh and hahaha. robot chicken right?? Add lime and it could be sprite, but it’s still better than M. Night. Face it, almost everything is better than him. They need to remake the last airbender but this time either Michael Bay or Peter Jackson needs to direct it. Twists only work in twizzlers and twister, apparently shamalamadingdong still doesn’t grasp the concept.

  18. Fireferreton 07 Sep 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Yes that is 1 word. Btw Michael Bay would make an awesome The Last Airbender movie BUT……. Peter Jackson would make an Epic The Last Airbender movie. But Combined would be a cinematic achievement worthy OF THE GODS!!!!!!! But, hey don’t worry about it is just one word(shitbirdcuntnuggetdouchecanoe).

  19. BadgermoleBender12on 08 Sep 2012 at 7:25 am

    That’s one way to put it… But are all the movies going to be made at the same time?? Remember all the actors/actresses are young and they will get older on camera. Would be great if they tried it out to see. Equal parts of action Kung fu kick ass and fantasy spirit mumbo jumbo. And also the actors being like their characters, the skin color I mean. I’m not rascist, just politically incorrect.

  20. Fireferreton 09 Sep 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Yes… aren’t we all??
    Yeah I would hope they would make the movies all at once, just like the LOTR trilogy. And hope to whoever runs this forsaken universe that shamallamadingdong doesn’t come near it ever again. In fact they should get a restraining order on the script. But I don’t know if we’re all that desperate to see it again, no offense.
    Even though I’m probably the biggest avatar fan.

  21. BadgermoleBender12on 26 Dec 2012 at 11:42 am

    Yeah I understand. But it’s a great idea, and it should be attempted. I also was able to watch the legend of korra series after it came out where I’m from. And I hear that nickelodeon is trying to make a movie out of that. But the new avatar series was really different. And it was meant to be a miniseries so they kind of rushed the end of it. Another deus ex machina so to speak. It’s another thing m night can screw up unfortunately.

  22. FlyOnAllWallson 22 Sep 2013 at 5:57 pm

    The only good thing he made was Sixth Sense, and everything else was dire shit. Not just shit but dire also. ‘Devil’ is quite good but he didn’t have much to do with it – thats why its not dire shit.