Jul 12 2010

Candwich and my inability to raise 145 million dollars!

Published by at 3:54 am under Awesome!,Jerks,Why?!?

candwich sandwich in a can

If only there was a way to combine my love of sandwiches with tennis ball packaging.

From now on when I head to a kickass beach party I’m grabbing a six-pack of Coors Light and a sixer of BBQ chicken sandwiches. I’m also bringing a six-pack of condoms because when the ladies see me pop the top off a fresh sammie they’re going to be like, “I wish that guy eating canned sandwiches over there would get me pregnant,” and I’m going to be like, “You wish,” and then she’s going to be like, “Yeah, that’s what I just said,” and I’ll be like, “That’s what she said,” and she’ll be like, “Wait, I can’t tell if you are kidding or you just can’t understand what I’m saying,” and then I’ll smash the empty Candwich can on my head and be like, “I just ate a canned sandwich so, yeah, I’d say I’m basically the shit. Now let’s do it.” Yet another girl goes home with a little PB&J all over her body. NEXT!

I don’t hate the concept of the Candwich. How could I? Sandwich in a can? Yeah, that’s perfectly normal and awesome. I do, however, take issue with the fact that the Candwich creator, Travis L. Wright, was able to talk a bunch of Utah investors out of $145,000,000 in order to make his dream of canned lunch a reality. Well technically they thought they were investing in real estate and Wright was secretly using their money to cram hoagies into soda cans. The point is, this guy had a dream and found a way to scam people in order to make it a reality. Why don’t I have that kind of resourcefulness?

Oh sure, it’s easy for you to sit there on your high horse and call Travis Wright a thief and a fraud but why don’t you take a bite of this turkey and Swiss before you pass judgment. Here, wash it down with a can of mashed potatoes and gravy.

Apology accepted.

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10 comments so far

10 comments to “Candwich and my inability to raise 145 million dollars!”

  1. Jeffon 12 Jul 2010 at 5:37 am

    I think you’re missing a ,000,000 somewhere in that.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 12 Jul 2010 at 8:16 am

    Jeff – Whoops, thanks.

  3. Jeffon 12 Jul 2010 at 8:51 am

    Great find. So true – it’s all about selling the dream. Forget the reality – focus on the dream…

  4. Peteon 12 Jul 2010 at 11:53 am

    “Hmmmm….how can I make the American lunch more ecologically offensive? Ah…put it in a can.”

    Actually, I can see this selling on the college circuit. I weep for the future.

  5. Jayon 12 Jul 2010 at 1:03 pm

    PBJ in a can could be edible, but BBQ Chicken? Barf.

    Was the idea for this post taken from the Colbert Report?His “little staff of pot smoking New York hipsters” really came through for you; )

  6. You Just Made My List!on 12 Jul 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Jay – Was this on Colbert? I don’t watch very often.

  7. kenon 13 Jul 2010 at 7:54 am

    Yes Listy, it was on The Colbert Report. It’s a pretty funny show, you should watch it sometime. This kid Jon Stewart on before Colbert gets some laughs too.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 13 Jul 2010 at 8:40 am

    Ken – I like the show, both shows actually, but they are on at the time I am usually writing this dumb website. I’m growing tired of The Daily Show a little but I do really like The Colbert Report a lot when I catch it.

  9. Oryxon 13 Jul 2010 at 9:19 am


  10. eddkatzon 23 Aug 2010 at 8:15 pm

    How the fuck do I micowave my BBQ Chikin sammie (i had to call it a ‘sammie’ to pay homage to the 30 minute meal queen, rachel ray……) when it’s in the can.

    Oh shit.

    I can see the you tube videos of stupid college kids dying in dorms when they go back to the dorm drunk and try to heat one up after a vicious night of drinking.

    University of So Cal
    Los Angeles, Ca.

    Dear Parent,

    It is with extreme regret that we wish to inform you that your son/daughter was killed when the BBQ sandwich they were heating exploded and blew their face off as they stood next to the microwave, waiting to eat.

    Bluto Blutarsky
    Dorm Monitor.