Oct 07 2010

The McDonald’s “Don’t Talk To Me” commercial!

Published by at 3:20 am under Jerks,Sucky TV

don't talk to me, coffee mcdonalds actor's name

The actor in McDonald's "Don't talk to me" coffee commercial. Actor's name.

What can be said about the McDonald’s “Don’t Talk To Me” coffee commercial? For starters, FUCK OFF!

It’s pointless for me to waste your time talking about what a dick head, asshole, douchebag this guy is. What really gets me about this commercial is that we, the audience, are expected to believe a lot of stupid shit for this commercial to work.

1) This turd actually found someone desperate enough to be his roommate, possibly even his friend.

2) Strangers on the street and public transportation always greet you with a warm hello. Oh boy, I hope the tall sweaty guy sits next to me, I can’t wait to wish him a good morning!

3) This guy’s sole purpose in life is to drink his fucking precious coffee, yet when he wanders into McDonald’s he has no idea they sell coffee? When presented with the opportunity to hear more about this so-called “coffee”  he acts as if the woman behind the counter just offered him a handjob. “What? You sell coffee? That’s great news, I was just walking around like a giant douchebag looking for coffee and, much to my surprise, you here at this restaurant that serves breakfast also have coffee! How do you pronounce the name of this restaurant, I might just have to tell my friend about it. Is it mock-dan-lordsmick-doogles… mac-john-john’s?”

4) Drinking coffee makes you forget the difference between a sweater and a scarf. The guy drinks one coffee on his way to a busy day of masturbating in the public library and suddenly he’s telling non-scarf-wearing girls he likes their scarves, and acts like scarf-wearing girls are wearing invisible scarves. Dick.

Talk to me.

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23 comments so far

23 comments to “The McDonald’s “Don’t Talk To Me” commercial!”

  1. Jim Joneson 07 Oct 2010 at 6:17 am

    I like my coffee just as much as everyone else but even I am not a big of a dick as the asshole in the commercial! I typically will at least listen to what some inconsiderate prick is trying to tell me before I sat, ” Why the fuck is that important? Before you tell me more stupid shit and it rubs off on me, I need my coffee dumb-ass!”

  2. Jeffon 07 Oct 2010 at 6:18 am

    Agree, but isn’t it more irritating that beards have become acceptable?

  3. Paul from Saint Paulon 07 Oct 2010 at 6:37 am

    Why don’t people make coffee at home? Is it that hard?

    The dick in the commercial does indeed need to shave his beard and get a decent haircut. A trip to the gym to carve off those last five pounds of baby fat wouldn’t hurt either. Then he could at least pull off the arrogance with some aplomb.

  4. Jim Joneson 07 Oct 2010 at 6:58 am

    Damn that is a beard! I thought that because of his crack-like addiction to coffee it was coffee grounds stuck to his face from sticking his head in a coffee can!

  5. Ericaon 07 Oct 2010 at 10:30 am

    That little dog should have immediately plunged at his junk and torn off his nut skin. Jesus what a prick. So many people are scarily like this guy…inconsiderate fucks who cant muster a slight smile or “hello” in return at any time of the day. I am not saying you need to walk around like a lunatic smiling and waving at everyone but common courtesy has just gone out the window.

    And why is he dressed like a homeless guy? Do they give free coffee to the homeless at McDonald’s now?

  6. SanFranon 07 Oct 2010 at 10:59 am

    Jim: your first comment about being as big a dick as the asshole in the commercial reminds me of that line in the movie The Barfly: “So, you hired a dick to find an asshole….”

    Paul: No shit, huh? Coffee at home is one of my favorite times of the day – it’s like sunrise, in my brain – and takes about 5 minutes with the percolator, or about 10 with the french press.

    Listy: Over coffee is when I read your invaluable contributions to the internets. Perhaps that’s why it’s such a special time of day for me. It’s either your site, or those ass beads I pull out from the night before, one by each.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 07 Oct 2010 at 11:21 am

    SanFran – So when you walk to the curb in the morning to get your paper and your neighbor says “Good morning,” do you reply with “Don’t talk to me, I still have anal beads in my butt.”

  8. You Just Made My List!on 07 Oct 2010 at 11:22 am

    Also… I hate coffee.

  9. Claireon 07 Oct 2010 at 11:37 am

    I fucking hate this guy. You’re awesome, Listy.

  10. SanFranon 07 Oct 2010 at 11:39 am

    Listy: This is San Francisco – Anal Beads are not a novelty.

    You hate coffee? Can I have your share?

  11. calebon 07 Oct 2010 at 12:04 pm

    for some reason i can’t drink coffee anymore – it makes me feel really shaky and sick. when i want something hot in me i drink tea.

    but most of the time i just drink ice water. and vodka. oh and grapefruit juice. ice water & greyhounds = 95% of the liquid i drink in a day.

  12. Jayon 07 Oct 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Ugh, this ad should end with him saying “talk to me” and the woman behind the counter throwing the coffee in his face. Plus then the coffee would be flying through the air and we all know how much food advertisers like the way that looks.

  13. Food advertiseron 07 Oct 2010 at 2:23 pm

    My god Jay! What were we thinking? Of course we should’ve Matrix-slo-mo’d the shit outta that coffee. Ooh!!! you can watch the sugar crystals slowly dissolve as the coffee droplets crash into the douche’s face.

    Well, gotta go paint some more hamburger meats and do some fry arrangements.

  14. saraon 07 Oct 2010 at 3:12 pm

    slow mo with a stop and old school matrix spin. Ba da ba ba BAAAAAAA

    I thought he looked greasy to

  15. kenon 07 Oct 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Weird that that ad could suck so much when the ‘Missing M’s’ outdoor/radio campaign works pretty well and is kinda clever.

  16. Fartfaceon 07 Oct 2010 at 5:39 pm

    I am a balanced individual:

    I love coffee.
    I hate getting coffee at McDonald’s. It’s just embarrassing.
    I hate this guy’s face.
    I hate the way this girl is breathing next to me on the train. If your nose is loud breathe through your fucking mouth!
    I love the missing “m” campaign.
    I love Listy.

  17. Nerdy Nerdensteinon 07 Oct 2010 at 8:10 pm

    I love you so much for this post. I have always hated this commercial. Don’t be a dick to me just because you have convinced yourself that it’s cool to be shitty before drinking a beverage. I don’t want to walk on eggshells just because you are fake bipolar.

    If you have that big of a problem, there are coffee machines with timers on them. Set it for about 15 minutes before your alarm so you can pour it down your throat as soon as you wake up so the rest of the world can give you a cheerful greeting and forget about you.

  18. SanFranon 07 Oct 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Caleb: when you want something hot in you, call Listy!

  19. sim1on 11 Oct 2010 at 12:09 am

    This commercial pisses me off. I find his portrayal of this type of fuck so convincing I’m compelled to track him down at his shitty LA studio apartment and repeatedly kick him in the junk while he sob’s trying to explain it’s just a character he plays. Talk to me… bitch!

  20. CherieMon 25 Oct 2010 at 10:13 pm

    Aside from all the other comments which I totally agree with…this guy CANNOT act!!!!!!!!! I hope he shows more emotion when he brushes his teeth!!!!!!!!! Who in their right mind approved of this commercial and thought it was good????? Or even mediocre…and thought millions of Americans would run to McD’s for coffee because of this guy??

  21. Laurenon 17 Nov 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Ok listy I’m suing you for the laundry bill for all the pants I’ve ruined by peeing in them! You owe me new pants jerkwad and you’ll be hearing from my lawyer!!

  22. You Just Made My List!on 17 Nov 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Lauren – Sexy.

  23. Jerrodon 06 Jan 2011 at 10:55 pm

    i want to shit on this guy’s chin. Even if I were homeless and I was offered to play the “Talk to me” asshole for a new home, car, wife and briefcase full of new 100’s I would decline. Then I would cut my penis off.