Nov 08 2010
Why? Why is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV so awesome when all I want to do is hate him?
It’s easy to despise Tom Cruise when he’s jumping on your couch and babbling on and on about space monsters, but then, out of nowhere, the guy has the nerve to be so insanely kickass that we have no choice but to engage in a worldwide slow clap.
It’s hard to decide on the appropriate emotion when his name is spoken. Instantly I think about what a bag of turds the guy was when he was telling Brooke Shields to just get over her depression already and climb aboard the Millennium Falcon with him, and then WHAM, I catch a rerun of “TAPS” or “Risky Business” on cable and suddenly I just want to squeeze those fat cheeks and initiate the most monumental tickle-fight the known universe has ever seen. He’s like an abusive boyfriend, he hits me because he loves me so much. MAVERICK!
While the rest of our lazy asses were sitting at Outback Steakhouse jamming Bloomin’ Onions into our greasy mouths, this fucking guy was dangling from the world’s tallest building in Dubai. Guess what? I’d be afraid to even GO to Dubai because I hear you go to jail for holding hands in public. I like holding hands, sue me.
Oh, by the way, he remained as cool as his character in “Cocktail” while hanging from that tiny rope 2000 feet in the air. What have YOU done lately?
God damn you Cruise.
Here are some stunt men at the top of the same building, scouting locations for the film. Oh and by the way, ONE GUY ISN’T EVEN WEARING A SAFETY HARNESSES! Cut your dick off because these guys win.
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