Nov 12 2010

Rachael Ray and her Late Night Bacon!

Published by at 7:43 am under Jerks,Sucky TV

rachael ray nip slip, nipslip, tits, nipples

Have you ever been sitting around your trailer at 3am and thought, “Well, I have five pieces of bacon and four paper towels, how can I turn this into something?”

Are you wealthy enough to own a microwave*? Then guess what Jethro? YOU-ARE-IN-LUCK! Genius and all around loud person, Rachael Ray, has developed a “recipe” that even your pathetically stupid ass can manage. The creativity doesn’t stop with the recipe, Rachael has even given her creation a catchy name… “Late Night Bacon!”

At first I was confused because when I go trolling for street-walking prostitutes I refer to them as Late Night Bacon, and although both activities require at least four paper towels, I eventually figured out Rach was talking about something completely different.

So sit back and enjoy Rachael Ray’s Late Night Bacon recipe. I recommend reading the comments (including one from me buried in there somewhere).

*It’s like a TV that you stick your food and wet socks into.

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32 comments so far

32 comments to “Rachael Ray and her Late Night Bacon!”

  1. Erinon 12 Nov 2010 at 9:12 am

    I am so confused by these instructions… microwave on HIGH? Does that mean on top of a ladder??? I spit my coffee out I was laughing so hard. The only good thing about Rachael Ray is her cookware line.

  2. calebon 12 Nov 2010 at 9:19 am

    i’ve made bacon in the microwave before. it sucks, and you need a mountain of paper towels to deal with all the grease.

    as a side note: i know this may sound insane, but i’ve always found Rachael Ray very physically attractive. emphasis on the PHYSICAL.

  3. JulieJulieJulieon 12 Nov 2010 at 9:23 am

    the “reviews” are hilarious:

    I can only hope that tomorrow she tackles something equally difficult, like toast or how to make ice cubes.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 12 Nov 2010 at 9:38 am

    Erin – The only good thing about Rachael Ray is nothing.

    Caleb – You need to reevaluate this attraction. She looks like a Pug.

    Julie – Late Night Ice.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 12 Nov 2010 at 9:39 am

    P.S. My review is under the name “YJMML”

  6. saraon 12 Nov 2010 at 9:54 am

    I microwave everything high…..cause If I’m baked and baking I’d burn down the house

    I’d prefer the Paula Dean version, she adds a stick of butter. My mom and dad made a drinking game for Paula Dean where you do a shot every time she says “stick of butter” you get soooooo trashed

  7. Jim Joneson 12 Nov 2010 at 10:26 am

    What the hell is she doing in that photo? (And yes my mind is in the gutter!) Is she making dildos now?

  8. Erinon 12 Nov 2010 at 10:31 am

    Nice touch with the “Guy Fieri Hair”… I do beg to differ on the cookware, RR’s cast iron Dutch Oven is great. It’s not like she was smart enought to design it anyway, some poor schlub came up with the idea and they slapped her namesake and face on the box and “Bammo” it sold. Sad but true.

  9. Paulon 12 Nov 2010 at 1:12 pm

    @ Caleb + YJMML

  10. Jonathanon 12 Nov 2010 at 2:49 pm

    Regarding Ray-Ray’s spread (ahem) in FHM: That is how all women should dress while they cook me up some Late Night Bacon.

  11. calebon 12 Nov 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Jonathan – there are so many dirty things i could say in response to those pics, but i’m a gentleman, so i’ll just say that i’d totally lick her bowl if she let me.

  12. calebon 12 Nov 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Paul – sorry i meant to direct that last comment to you. but i do agree with Jonathan also.

  13. saraon 12 Nov 2010 at 3:23 pm

    Paul, Caleb meant he wanted to direct the “lick your bowl” comment to you

  14. calebon 12 Nov 2010 at 3:44 pm

    haha… yeah i walked into that one.

  15. kenon 12 Nov 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Loved the Late Night Orange Paper Pizza recipe, Listy. I’m with Caleb and Erin, I think RR is hot (on mute) and her cookware is decent, we bought a saucepan of hers before I realized it was her line.

  16. kenon 12 Nov 2010 at 3:56 pm

    And hey, bacon lovers, have you tried the pre-cooked Oscar Meyer stuff? In :90 seconds you can have perfectly crisp, hot, tasty bacon and it only requires TWO paper towels.

  17. Yours Trulyon 12 Nov 2010 at 5:13 pm

    I can picture the target audience for “Late Night Bacon”, with their muffin tops and multiple chins and drooping jowls. Rachael Ray should be ashamed for contributing to America’s obesity problem. The Shamwow guy is trying to make America skinny again with the Slapchop, but along comes Rachael Ray with her goddamn “Late Night Bacon”!

  18. You Just Made My List!on 12 Nov 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Sorry – I just can’t turned on my Rachael Ray. No amount of airbrushing and photoshopping could make my penis react to her.

  19. kiddaon 12 Nov 2010 at 7:45 pm

    I haven’t read through all the comments on her “recipe” page but aren’t you guys ever insulted by the ads/programmes you get? I was in America once and I had to ask the person I was over with to turn over the radio whilst the ads were on. They all treat you like you’re morons.

    I think I’ve said this before, never mind

  20. Ericaon 13 Nov 2010 at 12:43 am

    Uhhh…guys actually think Rachael Ray is hot??? WHAT??? Caleb? Is it the giant dildo banana?

    You men just confound me…your penises cannot be connected to your brain. They may as well just go out at night, by themselves, on their little penis bus searching for hookers and/or ugly people from the Food Network to bang.

  21. You Just Made My List!on 13 Nov 2010 at 10:19 am

    kidda – I’m insulted, yes. It’s a chicken and egg situation. The dumber our popular culture gets the dumber people get which means they crave even dumber programming… and so on. I doubt it’s just in America though. Plus, to defend my own country for a second, America is BIG and has a wide variety of tastes. In the same country you have major cities like New York, Los Angels and Chicago, which all have completely different cultures, and you have tiny towns and everything in between.

    Unfortunately in the U.S. we often fall victim to the lowest common denominator and are held back by our dumbest countrymen. It’s very sad that people like Sarah Palin spend every waking moment trying to celebrate good old fashioned ignorance and actually vilify intelligence.

  22. You Just Made My List!on 13 Nov 2010 at 10:23 am

    Erica – Sadly yes, the penis is its own person. It has its own, more powerful, brain and its own wants and desires. It’s best to just stay out of its way when it wants something, like King Kong. BUT let me reiterate, I would rather have sex with sandpaper than allow Rachael Ray anywhere near my incredibly perfect and above-average sized penis.

  23. JulieJulieJulieon 14 Nov 2010 at 3:30 pm

    My God, the way the Food Network fawns all over her, you’d think she’s in her kitchen splitting atoms rather than creating this “recipe”:

  24. You Just Made My List!on 14 Nov 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Julie – Thank you for bringing this to my attention. It helps me calculate the end of the world, which currently stands at 3 weeks from this Tuesday.

  25. calebon 15 Nov 2010 at 8:14 am

    i find many women of various “types” attractive. i don’t know, there’s just something about RR – she’s like a scruffy little puppy.

    man that’s a weird analogy.

  26. […] would also like to point this bullshit out, thanks to a comment from JulieJulieJulie on the previous Rachael Ray post. The world is ending. Share the […]

  27. Sarah in Minneapolis; a tributeon 17 Nov 2010 at 10:44 am

    Just when I thought Rachel Ray couldn’t get more irritating she does a FHM spread?! Who is that targeted to, besides, apparently, Caleb? Deaf middle aged lesbians? Who at HFM was like, “you know who would kill it in a sexy photoshoot? That stumpy loudmouth on the food network.”

  28. Canaduckon 02 Dec 2010 at 9:22 pm

    I’m not going to say that ALL Rachael Ray fans are stupid, but so far I haven’t met any exceptions.

  29. wtfeveron 12 Feb 2011 at 6:01 pm

    @Canaduck awesome, you delivered that just like a Glenn Beck line. Actual quote, “I’m not saying liberals are Nazi’s, and that they want to kill your unborn children and grandparents, I’m just saying…” lol.
    But yah, I’m not saying Rachael Ray is actually an incredibly realistic Muppet, but isn’t it interesting how her presence on the Food network is completely mismatched with her inability to make anything more complicated that grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron. Oh, and fuck you spell check, Muppet is a word.

  30. JessKon 19 Apr 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Perhaps I’m biased because I’m a heterosexual female, but I think I can tell sexy women from unsexy women, and to me, Rachel Ray has zero sex appeal. She’s certainly not ugly or unattractive, but I would have never imagined that “sexy” photos of her existed. Her facial expression ruins it. It’s wayyy too cheerful and rehearsed. There’s not even a hint of “I want to fuck” in her eyes

  31. You Just Made My List!on 19 Apr 2011 at 9:19 pm

    JessK – As a heterosexual man I can PROMISE you there is nothing sexual about that woman, least of all her mouth that never closes.

  32. JessKon 20 Apr 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Also, her voice drives me crazy. All I can think when I hear her is DRINK SOME WATER!