Feb 15 2011

People who think their dog can say “I love you!”

Published by at 3:13 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks,Why?!?

talking dog says I love you

The owners of this dog might like to believe their dog is saying “I love you” but, in reality, this poor dog is saying “Please stop saying those words to me, I don’t know what they mean, I just want to watch a little TV on this romantic four post bed before I go take a shit in the living room. I hate yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!”

You know how I know dogs can’t say I love you? Because you never see videos of Mexican dogs saying “Te Amo” or Chinese dogs saying “我愛你.” Apparently dogs can only express love in English. More evidence that AMERICA RULES! Yeah, that’s right, America is the only country that speaks English!

Why don’t these genius talking dogs ever proclaim anything other than their unconditional love for their jackass owners? You never see a cute Youtube clip of some dog saying “Let’s go for a walk” or “Toss me that tennis ball” or “I honestly believe Lee Harvey Oswald did, in fact, act aloooooone!”

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20 comments so far

20 comments to “People who think their dog can say “I love you!””

  1. Andraon 15 Feb 2011 at 8:37 am

    Thank GOD you updated today! I was jonesing for a hit of YOU JUST MADE MY LIST!

  2. saraon 15 Feb 2011 at 9:57 am

    those dogs that sang “sure shot” were pretty good

  3. Xinaon 15 Feb 2011 at 11:52 am

    I had a rat terrior that made a noise that sounded like he was saying, “What?” It was super funny. Now I have the dumbest pug in the world that will do something stupid then giggle about it. While I don’t actually think my dogs can talk it’s fun to pretend. I’m sorry Listy. I know I’ve disappointed you.

  4. kenon 15 Feb 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Our dog may not ‘talk’ but man does she understand a lot, in a few languages.

    Ropad trip, walk, lunch, dinner are all met with a waggling tail and appropriate actions. When we feed her, we say ‘Mangia?’ and she won’t respond to any other word. Other dogs she knows also get her going when we say their names.

  5. saraon 15 Feb 2011 at 1:22 pm

    ken have you tried saying the word as part of normal conversation? or with out any infelction. Often you put “doggie infelction” on words you think they will know without thinking about it.

    I may be synical though, the two dogs I had in my life have been dumb. One would try to turn corners, not realizing there was no corner it was still a wall and smack his head into said wall. daily

    My current dog can’t figure out how to push a door open and unless you’ve opened it to her full body width she thinks she is trapped, she has been “trapped” in my bedroom for whole days whimpering and confused

  6. Unnecessary Retardedon 15 Feb 2011 at 2:52 pm

    I think Cynical is spelled with a C.

    I have a complaint. A few weeks ago I saw some chick walking her little yap dog and the dog had shoes on. Little tiny shoes on a dog. Something like that goes right to the TOP of my list. . .

    The kind of girl to put shoes on her dog is the same type of chick who believes in Astrology as well as the type of girl who finds other girls to play “sex and the city” with.

    oh brotherrrrrrr

  7. Diss Contenton 15 Feb 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Astro, Scooby Doo, Scrappy Doo, Goofy, Brian, Droopy, Deputy Dawg, Mr. Peabody, Huckleberry Hound, Underdog, Buck and Lassie; what do they have in common besides talking? That’s right, All-American.

    Ruts rong rit rat?

  8. Edon 15 Feb 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Thank you. My kids are in the other room wondering what’s wrong with me. Back in business, bitches!

  9. kenon 15 Feb 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Sara, yes, our dog can pick out any of our ‘trigger’ words out of an unrelated conversation, no problem. I’ll ask my daughter if she wants lunch quite casually and the dog will come bounding down the stairs, having heard it a floor up and wanting the table scraps my daughter has learned to provide. We have to use Spanish or Italian to cover up certain words we wish to say without the dog going bonkers.

  10. Yours Trulyon 15 Feb 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Yes, just more evidence of radical left-wing Disney movies corrupting the nation with their cute little talking animal movies. Animals can’t talk. Do you really want them to? Maybe you will have deep conversations with the dog. Maybe it will sound like this:
    You: “Hey (dog), I know you’re cute right now but in a few years when you’re old and not cute anymore I’ll take you to the vet and have them kill you.”
    (Dog): “I love you!”
    You: “I love you too buddy. That’s why I had the vet cut your balls off when you were a puppy.”
    (Dog): “…………..You douchebag. Go pick up my shit.”

    On a related note, people who kiss their pets on the mouth are just terrible.

  11. SanFranon 16 Feb 2011 at 2:09 am

    My aunt and uncle had a Siberian Husky that would do this “I Love Youuuuuu” thing, and at age 10, it was pretty fucking cool, you know?

    And then, at age 12, I met another dog who I considered to be a complete dumbass dirtbag. It was a scruffy mutt that ate dirtballs for as long as you’d throw them to him. He said “I Love Youuuwoowowooo” too, and that’s when it all fell apart for me.

    I realized that this was just something some dogs did, and my aunt’s Huskey, Sonia, didn’t really love me at all – it just wanted me to scratch it’s fucking ass and make my fingers smell funny.

  12. Laurenon 28 Feb 2011 at 10:54 pm

    You mean playing ‘sex and the city’ with you gal pals ISN’T cool?! Damn I wanted be Samantha nooooooo!

  13. Laurenon 28 Feb 2011 at 10:56 pm

    That dog is just humoring those people so they will shut the blank up and leave her alone.

  14. PoodlesRuleon 01 Mar 2011 at 3:14 pm

    One of my dogs audibly farts, which is amazing to behold.

  15. LG Chickon 03 Mar 2011 at 6:07 pm

    I’m intrigued, Poodlesrule, that hearing your dog fart is “amazing to behold.”.. Wow. You are easily amused.

  16. PoodlesRuleon 11 Mar 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Considering he’s 4.5 pounds and WITHOUT ASS CHEEKS, it is pretty fucking amazing.

  17. PoodlesRuleon 11 Mar 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Because (I’ll just go ahead and spell this out) farts are audible and get their distinctive pppppthhht sound when ass cheeks and/or assholes are involved. Last I checked.

  18. LG Chickon 11 Mar 2011 at 9:10 pm

    Clearly you are more versed on the subject than I! I’ll take your word for it. Sounds like you know a lot about farts, and may have a degree in flatchology.

  19. PoodlesRuleon 14 Mar 2011 at 9:44 pm

    Recognize! ; )

  20. corpon 28 Jul 2011 at 12:58 am

    What the dog really said-“I hate you assholes. You cut my testicles off and then force my to spend the remainder of my days watching shit american programming!” (see thread about the kardashians for example)